THAT'S THE THING WITH HUMANS

I was now restlessly pacing from one room to another in the office; clenching my fists, opening them then clenching them again. My very irritated client was calling for fifth time now. My team mates hadn't arrived at the event venue YET. I stared at the screen and kept it on my desk facing down. Still pacing, a colleague in his fifties called out my name. He was seated back on his chair, picking his ear.

"Girl, you're a good person. God won't let you down." It struck me; not the words, but how he said it. So calm, so relaxed in his speech. I had been murmuring my prayers all along but it was in this moment, in his words, that I remembered that my faith is supposed to supersede my worries. It was almost like a new revelation to me; that for what I strive to be, God won't let me down. I was awed. I sat down and almost immediately, my team mates called that they had arrived in time. I was really relieved. I thanked my colleague and went on supervising this critical event via phone calls.

Some few weeks later, the HR comes to me and informs me in a whisper that the same colleague is no longer part of the team. He's been caught embezzling the company's money and it had occurred several times. I swirled in my chair to face the HR directly. My jaw had dropped by now.

"What do you mean embezzling?" I had used this word a thousand times in my writing pieces but at this moment, I just wanted it to mean something else. My heart sank. My mouth could no longer utter any words. I was saddened.

By lunch break, I couldn't still bring my mind to accept the truth. I mean, wasn't he the one who told me that God doesn't disappoint? That so long as you're doing your best, he'll give you a way? 

I was now seated at the office kitchen where we usually have our lunch. My other colleague in his thirties, came in and grabbed two chairs. He sat on one and rested his feet on the other chair as he began to eat.

"Why would he do that? Why would anyone do that? Steal from people you've been with over ten years?" I started. I can't really remember what he answered me because it was more of a monologue at this point. But I remember him agreeing with me. That it is wrong and detestable. That poverty or struggle was never a justification. We talked until the lunch break was over. I was a bit relieved talking it out and after some few days, we all got used to his absence.

Almost three/four months later, I came to work late due to some assignment I was to do first. Walking merrily to my desk, I suddenly noticed two police officers at my thirty year old colleagues' desk ransacking it. In a frenzy of panic, I move to the manager to ask what's happening. Embezzlement and fraud, she says.

I looked at him, eyes looking down, a sheen of sweat covering his forehead and upper lip. One of the policemen stood aside talking to our boss before walking out with him. I look at him again, walking towards the office exit, each policeman on one side. I remembered our conversation in the kitchen; my heart sank. 

That's the thing with humans, you just never know who they really are. I sighed heavily. How do you ever trust people when all they do is hide behind masks? I guess that's just the thing with humans, they disappoint. A lot.

I OWE MYSELF AN APOLOGY

I have felt like this before. The inadequacy. The not-good-enough feeling. The 'this-is-overrated-feedback'. Over and over again. Having been a bullying victim for a very long time, my self esteem has been crashed far too many times. The after-effect? Everything you do just doesn't seem as good as everyone sees it. You will always look at things with a blind eye, through a broken mirror. So whenever you are praised for your accomplishments you feel that everyone else is exaggerating and you are the one who knows 'its not such a big deal' even when it is SUCH A BIG DEAL.

There's this syndrome I came to learn about it's called 'The impostor syndrome' whereby an individual has an inability to internalize their accomplishments and a persistent fear of being exposed as a "fraud". Some common signs that someone may be feeling like an impostor are: Perfectionism, overworking, undermining one's own achievements, fear of failure and discounting praise. For me this is too relatable because I know how many times I couldn't sleep because my already finished work isn't GOOD ENOUGH YET. So you end up overthinking, overworking and most of the times skipping meals. Now to avoid that whole scenario of people having high expectations or faith in you, you'd rather just discount your accomplishments and make them less than what they really are, just to avoid being seen as a phony.

As stated in the Wikipedia, people who suffer from impostor syndrome tend to reflect and dwell upon extreme failure, mistakes and negative feedback from others. If not addressed, impostor syndrome can limit exploration and the courage to delve into new experiences, in fear of exposing failure.

Sometime back, I wrote an article here'You are not a failure' whereby I talked of how my failure in Maths and Chemistry still affected me way past high school :D (Here is the article if you haven't yet read it: http://strokesofmypen.blogspot.co.ke/2016/06/you-are-definitely-not-failure.html ) And this is how failure takes a toil on you when you have such a syndrome. Perfectionist much? :D

So I've been working on myself for a while now; my self-love journey hasn't been easy because one first needs to accept their flaws and twisted thoughts and dig deep into the mind to remove the trash. Last week I started posting on my instagram account short posts on the same: I owe myself an apology whilst mentioning my accomplishments and things I should be more proud of than I usually am. I realized, I really do owe my precious soul an apology for keeping it secondary to other people's opinions.

You know how we are so excited when we have achieved something and we call our loved ones just so they can congratulate us and share our happiness? The same way we should congratulate ourselves first thing before anything else. Treat and pamper yourself to the occasion. I mean, you did great!

The reason I decided to make this public is that I know I am not the only one beating myself up for glitches and failures in my work or other aspects of my life, even when things were beyond my control or simply by undermining my real worth and value.

Now this is to challenge you to join me in doing this, even if you'd do it privately in a notebook or so, but just try it out. Write ten things you are really proud of about yourself (If you can make it a daily thing then the better! At least one thing per day! It could be an achievement or even something about your personality that deserves an applaud. Then at the end of it, apologize to yourself for not appreciating yourself well enough. Remember, we can't wait for people to applaud for us. We need to do it ourselves first and whatever praise other people bring to us should just be complementary.

Remember:

*You deserve all the praise in the world for all your achievements; whether big or small.

*You are not defined by your 'failures'.

*You are enough and good enough.

I'm applauding you :)

HAIR CARE WITH JAUZ

Are you even Coasterian if you don’t have coconut oil on your dressing table? Fresh coconut in the kitchen? Coconut milk and water in the fridge? A ‘goat’ i.e. ‘the Swahili grater’ i.e. mbuzi. Grammar police, don’t attack me just yet.  Give me a minute. Aha! Mr google here says that the right word for it is coconut grater :D Yes, a typical Swahili home must have the coconut grater. There is also a high probability that there is more than one coconut tree in the vicinity or at least in the neighbourhood in general. We are very much defined by the coconut. Its smell is in our hair, its milk and the coconut itself in our foods and even its water for us to drink. This is because every part of the coconut tree has a benefit in it and be used for different purposes. It has health benefits for different body care i.e. skin care, weight loss, digestion, diabetes, heart health, infections and many other things. You don't believe me? Try Mr Google.

There is a lot of awareness nowadays on hair care especially using natural products and this is exactly why, the Coasterian MEH wouldn’t talk of any other natural product before the coconut oil.

Are you having problems with falling hair? The dandruff is making your head seem like the beach with all the ‘white sand’ around? Need to nourish your hair? Your weak hair makes you cry? You have problems of anxiety like me and you need to stop worrying and start living? You have financial problems? Your husband wouldn’t let you buy that dress? Problem solved. Natural coconut oil to the rescue :D Okay, maybe the last three are a bit exaggerated but when you think deeply, coconut oil can actually come in handy. I mean, did you KNOW? Research shows that stress is associated with hair loss and so is hormone imbalance. Stress triggers inflammation and prematurely induces follicle regression, leading to hair loss. Yet some properties of the coconut oil have a calming effect. No kidding :D The anxiety gone yet? As for the financial problems, shouldn’t you be climbing that palm tree nearby and you sell those very much needed coconuts? Your husband wouldn’t let you buy that dress? Cook for him the tastiest ‘Wali wa nazi na samaki wa kupaka’. Don’t they say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach? See what I did there?! *wink wink*

So basically, coconut oil can do wonders generally but when it comes to hair, this is just a few of the things it can do:

* Hair growth stimulation

*Getting rid of dandruff

*Hair Nourishment

*Oily hair prevention

*Stress reduction and hormone balance.

There are some family friends who decided, just like the genius me previously stated, they would use the coconut oil to erase ALLLL their problems (including your hair care). They started their own business that goes by the name of Khaleej Traders and produced 100% natural coconut oil for the hair called Jauz. They have four different kinds: JAUZ pine, JAUZ Lavender, JAUZ Jasmine and JAUZ Rose.

<strong>JAUZ Pine Hair Nourishment Oil:</strong> Pine oils can make great natural acne treatments that work fast. And because it can fight bacteria and fungus, pine oil may be useful with a variety of skin conditions, including psoriasis, warts, boils, athlete’s foot, eczema and itching. Being skilfully combined with virgin coconut oil, JAUZ Pine doubles its power for removing dandruff from the scalp and adding shine to hair. JAUZ pine means; healthy scalp, healthy hair.

The trending, Sweet smelling <strong>JAUZ Lavender Hair Nourishment Oil</strong> is mild and soothing, and can be used for any type of hair. When massaged into the scalp, it can improve blood circulation, prevent hair loss, and promote hair growth.

JAUZ Lavender Hair Nourishment Oil moisturizes the scalp and balances sebum production. It is ideal for people who have a mixed type of scalp, for example, oily near the forehead and at the back of the head, but dry at other parts. Its powerful antiseptic and antimicrobial action makes it excellent for controlling dandruff and scalp acne complicated by fungal or bacterial infections. 

JAUZ Lavender Hair Nourishment Oil can also help heal minor injuries on the scalp caused by scratching, especially in children.

JAUZ Lavender

● Prevents Hair Loss

● Promotes Hair Growth

<strong>

JAUZ Jasmine Hair Nourishment Oil</strong> has been proven to be of effective use in aromatherapies, where the oil is used for hair massage. As it is believed to soothe the nervous system and calm the mind, massaging your hair with JAUZ Jasmine oil creates a conducive condition for hair growth as the oil helps to bust stress- which can drain nutrients from the body.

JAUZ Jasmine Hair Nourishment Oil can be frequently used to tame unruly hair, and is often used by those with frizzy, coarse, curly, dry and Afro-textured hair, although it can be used successfully by any hair type.

The Virgin Coconut Oil present in the formulation of JAUZ Jasmine makes the formula a proven efficiency for hair growth. Along with adding to the volume and length, it gives dry hair a radiant lustre.

Being light and non-greasy in nature, it can also be washed out easily, leaving the hair with a soft, smooth feel and fragrant smell.

Another advantage of applying JAUZ Jasmine Hair Nourishment Oil is that it helps to strengthen hair roots, which in turn ensure each hair strand is tensile, grows long and doesn’t go brittle.

JAUZ Jasmine Oil is also a powerful fungicide with antibacterial and antimicrobial properties, making it an excellent choice to cure scalp ailments.

Applying it on the hair is a good solution against dry and itchy scalp, as the oil is a wonderful moisturizer, locking moisture into the hair and scalp. JAUZ Jasmine Oil’s strong scent can also inhibit the proliferation of head lice and its eggs especially being a formulation that includes VCO as carrier oil.

JAUZ Jasmine:

● Moisturizer

● Natural Conditioner

<strong>JAUZ Rose Hair Nourishment Oil</strong> is noted for its hydrating and emollient properties. These help moisturize hair and skin and fight any dryness or dehydration.

JAUZ Rose oil also has stimulating, antiseptic, antiviral and bactericidal properties that are beneficial to hair and skin, making it useful as a general scalp tonic.

It constitutes mainly of citronellol, which provides fragrance; phenyl ethanol, which has antimicrobial properties; the natural antioxidant geraniol; and farnesol, an antibacterial that also helps regulate oil production in the skin and scalp.

Jauz Rose:

●With all healthy hair enhancers

If you hate the science bla bla bla like I do and you probably skipped all the jargon just to say, ‘I just want the damn coconut oil’ here you are :D

For customers around Mombasa and Kilifi, please visit the below places for their products;

Mombasa

Bakarani - MABROUK COLLECTIONS

100 metres along the Bin Leyl garage street.

Contacts: 0721832982

Bakarani - HEMEL COM & COSMETICS

Bakarani stage

Contacts: 0716740025

Mwandoni - AL RAZZAK SNACKS 

Along the mwandoni-kisimani cabro

Near labour coffee junction

Contacts: 0722258230

Bondeni - CITY LINK PHARMA

Opposite Tawakkal Bus Booking Office

Contacts: 0720418895

Bondeni - BAILE MOBILE & ACCESSORIES

Near Masjid Noor 

Contacts: 0723422822

Guraya - SAADIA

Former Al Farouq Hospital Building

Contacts: 0720970181 or 0731667376

Kilifi

Kilifi - MUHAMMAD YUSUF

Pwani University

Contacts: 0796660059

If interested in being one of our agents, please contact the sales team at 0708300552 (See? Financial problems I was talking about? Did you just get yourself a new side-job?!)

THE MONEY WILL COME

I was seated with a friend; a lady thirty years older than me (By the way, having older friends is one of the secrets to better growth no joke) and during our conversation about my career journey, I blurted out my thoughts aloud with a sulky face, "I don't even know what I'm doing with my life." She looked at me with an astonished face, "Do you even know how lucky you are that you got to start your dream journey so early?!"

So she went on to tell me her own personal story on how she quit her job after working there for 19 long years to pursue her goals. It was a crazy move because she was getting really good pay but decided to let it all go so she can do something she is passionate about. I just sat there with WOW written all over my face because she wasn't someone you'd think struggled that much to be where she is. You know, the kind of people with a high intelligence, great network, wonderful resume, a name and an identity that makes her very respected. And it just marveled me so much because it just confirmed to me what I've always thought; that when you see someone you look up to and consider successful, do know they also had to sweat their way up to where they are.

Sometimes, I am sure of what I'm doing, I'm sure it is the right thing, I'm sure this is what I want until someone just comes out of nowhere to remind me what the society expects. So the narrow path the society expects you to follow is Primary school-Secondary school-University-Get a job-Get married-Do your masters-Have children etc etc and this path isn't always fixed like this. Sometimes one thing comes before another. Like some get married before university, some do masters before they have children and all that. But then in the end, it is all about this common steps of life people expect you to do in life such that when you step out of the 'system', something is very wrong with you. It doesn't make sense why you'd choose the far and wide path yet everyone else is taking the long and narrow one.

Anyway, as we went on with our conversation, my friend said, "Let me tell you something someone I consider my mentor told me when I informed her I am quitting my job. She said to me, 'My girl, people will laugh at you. They will think you are crazy. They will say a lot of things, but just go for it. Go after what you are passionate about. THE MONEY WILL COME. Slowly, you'll start getting clients and you will be fine." So now I'm telling you the same thing. The money will come. It may be a long-term sacrifice and struggle but I believe you will break it through sooner or later in shaa Allah..."

What I've learnt is that the criticisms will never stop. You will remain a mystery because people just don't understand what you are doing. You will make a lot of sacrifices. You will be BROKE. Did I say BROKE? Yes, you will come face to face with poverty. You will question your choices over and over again because those who took the long, narrow path are succeeding and leading good, comfortable lives. Your friends and age mates are already fulfilling their life 'expectations' while you are still trying to figure out who to approach to help you with this new project you want to do or who you can borrow some cash from so you can implement this other new idea. And people will think, 'This one is always trying a new idea'. It will become hilarious for everyone, sometimes including you. You will be tempted to just settle for anything that comes your way and say, 'At least I tried.' Please don't. You didn't come this far to quit now. Not this time. Not in ever.

After that conversation, the phrase 'The money will come' kept ringing in my mind. Not because the money is the main objective of going after my dreams, but because it would mean I have finally reached the level of being the achiever I want to be. And I wanted to share this with you because I know I am not alone. The free spirits amongst us who are hungry to lead exceptional lives. So here I am telling it to you, 'All these sacrifices you are making now? They will pay off. Everything will fall into place if you keep walking. Look at the horizon; the long-term benefit not what is just ahead of you. And yes...the money will come! In shaa Allah. And i'm leaving this with you so you can pass it forward to anyone who needs to hear it.

Dare to be different. Be unique, be brilliant. And keep praying. Someday, you will be real proud of yourself and your journey.

A toast to all the go-getters!