WE DIE HOW WE LIVED

I think one of the scariest things in this life is that our daily actions and the things we dedicate our time to, do dictate to a certain extent how our end will be. This is not even science, it is logic. Have you ever seen how when someone dies we almost never miss to check their social media accounts and exclaim at their last posts? Sometimes we talk of how it is a strange coincidence that the last thing they posted was about death or pain or doing good deeds. But these things are never coincidences. Most of the times, if you check even the past posts of the same person you’d see similar posts. It is only that we mostly take notice of what someone said after they are gone for good (sadly).

So here comes the logic: If you love posting about food or fashion or even Islamic reminders there’s a high probability the last post before your death will be the same. If you spend 80% of your time reciting qur’an, then there’s quite a high probability that you will die reading the book of Allah and if you spend most of your time with earphones on and loud music popping, there’s also that probability you’d die in that same way. It is never a guarantee but we also can’t entirely dismiss this. One would think, what’s the big deal if I died with my earphones on? The big deal is that you’ll be resurrected in front of your Lord, not in sujood, or on a trip to do charity but in the sinning process. With what face do you stand before your God?Of course our Lord is the most Merciful and despite all our frequent sins, He is always ready to forgive us. But are we ready to accept our mistakes and repent sincerely? For how long will we be in denial?

We are living in this ridiculous century whereby everyone is ‘holier than thou’ or otherwise in the ‘don’t judge me’ phase. We always tend to forget that we are human beings and it is natural for us to sin and make mistakes but what then do we do? We deny. We deny that our lifestyles are filthy and our eyes are blinded by the materialistic world. We deny that we need to take a step back and think hard about our words and actions. We deny that we are being irresponsible and immature to think that God will JUST somehow forgive us even when we don’t try to change and sincerely repent.

I’ve seen several videos that show sudden deaths; someone died in sujood, another died in Makkah while doing hajj, another died while reciting qur’an in front of a large crowd…and yet still I’ve seen clips of people who’ve died while dancing, others who died on stage while singing and even while stealing. Yes, you read it right. A thief who died in the process of stealing. How scary is that? These people probably thought they’ll have an entire lifetime ahead of them; to enjoy life, to be happy and probably get close to God at some point? Well, tomorrow is not promised to anyone. How do we know that this bad habit we are so attached to will actually be the end of us?!

One of the scary true stories I heard is of a young lady who loved listening to music and dancing a lot. She was so passionate about it that she would indulge in the dancing whether it was Ramadhan or Jumuah or any other day, it never really mattered to her. So one day, this young lady was invited to a wedding and she was happily dancing around when someone suggested to her, ‘Why don’t you go dance at the stage?’ The young lady agreed and she went on to the stage. She folded one arm and kept her hand on the waist. She raised her other hand over her head and stood on her toes on one foot, ready to take a swirl. Just as she was taking the turn, she collapsed. Her family rushed her into the next room, splashed some water on her face but in vain. The girl was gone. Now during the ghusl time, her body remained fixated in that same last posture she was in just before her death; hand akimbo, another hand above her head and with one foot as if she were standing on her toes. The lady who was doing ghusl tried everything to force her body straight but she didn’t succeed. She then decided to call a sheikh to ask for help. The sheikh suggested that she washes her with warm water over her muscles maybe then her body would relax and straighten up. The lady said that she had even tried immersing the entire body in warm water but still, it wouldn’t budge. With nothing else possible, the young lady was buried in that same posture.

The lady who did the ghusl asked the mother about her daughter and she said of how obsessed she was with music and dancing. She would always send her younger brother to go buy her the latest releases of music. The strange thing was that after she had collapsed, her body was straight. It was only when she was taken for ghusl that her body posture turned like that during the dance. Subhanallah. And that was her end…and unfortunately, this is how she will be resurrected.

The truth is, we are not dumb or stupid. Not at all. We know of our sins and we know what habits we need to discard. But do we really even try to take a step and think of our sins or do we attack those who try to correct us? When people tell us about Miraa or smoking or hijab or anything else, do we stop for a moment and think, ‘What if they are right? What if my choices will really lead to my horrible end?!

The good news is that our Lord is indeed the Most Forgiving Most Merciful. Each one of us is struggling with some bad habits or sins that we frequently commit. What we do about them is what matters. If we sincerely put the intention to change and actually TRY to become better Muslims, then Allah will definitely help us and easen for us the path and judge us according to how we strive to get closer to Him.

Indeed life is short and we can never know in which way we will die. Best thing is to pray for a beautiful ending and a beautiful meeting with our Lord when the time comes. Let us keep praying for ourselves and even for our fellow Muslims that we may follow the right path. May Allah guide us and grant us husnul khatima. Ameen.

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This article initially appeared in the JKUMSA magazine of 2019 that was released recently. To read/download the issue click on this link: http://magazine.jkumsa.or.ke/magazine/the-light-april-2018-issue/2019/

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The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, "(The performance of) 'Umrah is an expiation for the sins committed between it and the previous 'Umrah; and the reward of Hajj Mabrur (i.e., one accepted) is nothing but Jannah." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

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5 TIMES WE FAIL TO RESPECT PEOPLE’S SPACE

I believe Mombasa is one of the best places to live in Kenya. Maybe I’m biased because this is where I come from and home is home right? That aside, the culture here is so beautiful and profound, it gives you warmth. We are a collectivist society which means we mostly do things as a society rather than individuals. This can be depicted in how we conduct our weddings, our funerals, our charity and all kind of activities. There is a strong sense of brotherhood which brings together many different yet similar people from all walks of life. As much as things are not the same as they were in the past and more people have now adopted the private lifestyle, we still are one in many ways.

Nonetheless, in many of the occasions that we connect and stand with one another, we cross lines. It is never intentional and most times, we never even notice that we are doing it. We go beyond limits and over-step despite our pure intentions to help. So I’ll be the bad cop today and point some habits that sometimes aren’t as pleasant as we may think.

Note: I am VERY sure the things I am about to mention happen in other communities as well. But I don’t belong in those other communities and it wouldn’t be right to speak of what I’m not really sure of.

So, people…here we go:

1. New born babies are extremely exciting. Everyone wants to see them, touch them, smell them and hold them. They are pure joy. As soon as a mother gives birth, we rush to the hospital to see the new bundle of joy. I say it again, we mean well. I mean we are family right? So half an hour after a delivery, the hospital room is full of people and laughter and…a VERY exhausted mother. Having to keep smiling for everyone who walks in, trying to silence the new baby, listening to everyone talk. Have you ever thought how this situation is for a new mother? She has just undergone a very painful experience, probably the most painful in her life. It is a new thing. Her hormones are gushing out, milk flowing over, her entire body system is messed up and is trying to adapt to the changes. This new bundle of joy is new to her too, whether it is her first baby or the fifth, it is still a new adjustment for her because every child will be different. Every five minutes, the child is either crying or a new visitor is walking in. Of course, she can’t let her visitors alone. So she wakes up and listens to the endless, often contradicting advice on children. This will go on for days. She probably can’t even remember the last time she slept soundly. She can’t ask people not to come because yes, she does want her family and friends to be happy with her…but she needs rest too. She needs to breathe. She needs a break to make sense of what is happening and adjust appropriately.

I am not saying we shouldn’t visit new mothers, I’m just saying, a text message is good enough on the first days after delivery especially if you are not immediate family or very close to the individual. I am sure your message will be appreciated. Just make a point to inform them that you will visit them once they settle down a bit. Communicating your intention is important. Then visit them after a month or so, when they’ve had a chance to adjust. It doesn’t make you a bad cousin or friend, it makes you empathetic and human.

2. Visiting sick people is a thing for us. Go to Coast general and see the buibuis and kanzus in large numbers visiting their sick relatives. It is a beautiful trait within us; compassion. Often times we are not sure how to support and help our sick relatives which makes us helpless, so we decide to over-stay by their bed side even when we aren’t exactly needed. Sometimes we travel from other countries and stay at the sick person’s place, with the intention of being there for them. However, most often than not, we cause them further discomfort especially if we are not immediate family or very close relatives. Because now, this sick person and whoever is with them, have to worry about one more person; YOU. What will the visitor eat? Will they be okay sleeping in this room? What if they see X (the patient) vomiting or crying in pain? They now become more cautious in their own house. We mean well yes, but there’s always a limit to how much our presence is needed. Visit the sick, stay with them for some little time, pray for them or with them, support them but once you are not needed, kindly give them the space. Of course this differs according to the state of the patient but you get my point right? (I’m sure someone is saying to themselves, we have the over-staying visitors even when no one is sick too!! Yeah, those too…)

3. Newly-weds: Weddings are such an exciting thing here. We invest in them emotionally, physically and mentally. So much so that once the groom has taken his wife, we still want to be updated on every detail of their life. We tactfully visit them every other day to ‘see how they’re doing’. We want to know whether they have adjusted, whether the wife can cook good food, whether they have a fridge, whether they have consummated their marriage?!

Two people have just started a new life together. It is a very big step. They need time to know each other and to adapt. Someone has been living with their parents for perhaps twenty or more good years of their life and now it is a totally different house, with a different person, a different neighbourhood. Yet here we are, knocking on their door, as soon as they tie the knot.

Of course parents and siblings would want to assist in the adjustment and that is fine but that too has limits. And for the distant relatives and friends, we have to be even more careful not to cross the limits.

4. Asking newly-weds when they will have kids, can be very irritating and sometimes humiliating. You can never know what a couple is going through. You can never know whether the lady cries herself to sleep, wishing and praying so hard to have a child. You can never know how many doctors they’ve seen and how long they’ve been trying. It is okay to ask someone whether they have children but totally not okay to ask them why or when or even worse, joke about it. You just never know the pain they could be enduring. Be sensitive to people. You just never know…

Same applies to asking unmarried people when they are planning to get married. Huh, some youth want to end their lives because of that kind of unnecessary pressure. Also take note; there is the kind of asking where someone is genuinely concerned about you and the kind of asking that is just meant to pressurize you. The latter is what bothers everyone who is asked.

5. Funerals: Grief is a very subjective emotion. The way one will deal with a loss will be totally different with another. This includes siblings and family members. We could have undergone the same tremendous loss but one would lock themselves in the room not eating for days while another wouldn’t shed a tear. It doesn’t make either of the experiences less painful. We are just different like that.

Now when someone dies, we come together and show support to those who have lost a loved one. However, we tend to camp at the deceased’s house, forgetting what kind of discomfort we could be causing. Someone just lost her husband, but here she is, even three days after the burial, her house is filled with people. She can’t have a minute to herself because there are people lying around and chit-chatting everyyywhere. She has to think about what the visitors will eat, who will cook, do we even have groceries? Sometimes it is the immediate family of the deceased who go into the kitchen to cook for the visitors, tears streaming from their faces as they cook the stew. How unfair is that? Making someone who is undergoing great amount of pain, push aside their emotions because there are thirty people in the house with empty stomachs. How unfair is it for the widow who hasn’t had a minute to herself to let it sink in, to breathe, to cry without anyone hovering over her shoulder.

We might think that everyone wants to have a crowd patting them on the back and crying with them but that is not true. Often times we need the support at the first instance of the death through to the end of the funeral. After that we just need to be alone or be with someone really close to us.

We definitely should not disregard that the loss is for several people and not just one person or immediate family. Of course death affects many people and it is okay to grieve too. But sometimes it is better that we grieve at our own space and allow the immediate family to grieve their own way.

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I love my home and my people. Honestly I do and even more, I love how we are always ready to stand up for each other as a community. Nonetheless there are these instances and several more whereby we need to be wiser on how we deal with situations and people. Let us think of the other parties more. Let us be more empathetic as much as we are compassionate.

P.S This is but my opinion and everyone is entitled to their own. I mean no harm. Thank you.

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IF ROLES WERE REVERSED

Have you ever looked at the house help at home and thought, 'Did he/she ever have a dream to become something in life? Or do they still want to become that thing? What is their story? Do they have a family? If something happened to them, do we know their next of kin? Do we know where they live? Whether they ate yesterday evening? Did they have an education? Or did they start school then dropped out because of finances? If they were given a chance to be whoever they want to be, what would they choose? What do they feel about their current job? About working for you? About spending time with your children?'

What about your garbage collector? Or the man who fixes your sink? Or the lady who babysits your children? Ever thought about their feelings, their goals in life, their thinking? If roles were reversed, would you be satisfied having a boss like you? Would you be happy with the pay you receive? With the workload given to you? With the treatment given? Would you be okay about the leftover or almost rotten food given to you alone while they feast on the table with all kinds of fresh, tasty food? Would you feel discriminated, underestimated, unappreciated?

Most of us never think about that. We never take a minute to just think about these people who work and toil for us. Sometimes we openly mistreat them or insult them or be so harsh with them for humanly mistakes. Sometimes we publicly show them that they are not in the same league/class with us. Sometimes we don't even treat them like human beings. Sometimes we think, we worked hard to be where we are in life and they didn't. They didn't work hard enough, or they were just lazy or unambitious. Sometimes we forget that it is but a blessing to be this comfortable with our lives. Sometimes, or most times, we never think about them entirely?

So let's take a moment to think about all the manual labourers that work for us or with us or those come across. If roles were reversed, would you want to be treated the way we or you treat them? Would we want to be paid the same amount we pay them (sometimes despite having more than enough for ourselves)? Would we want to be given another type of food while everyone else is eating special meals? Would we want to be ignored like we ignore them until we have a need? Would we want to be shouted upon for every humanly mistake we make?

Do we respect them? Do we honour them? Do we listen to what they have to say? All these people with low-paying jobs, do we ever appreciate them?

Manual labour is considered noble in Islam. Abu Hurairah RA reported: The Prophet (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) said, “No food is better to man than that which he earns through his manual work. Dawud (alayhi sallam), the Prophet of Allah, ate only out of his earnings from his manual work.” (Bukhari)

We have a perfect example of how the prophet peace be upon him mingled with the slaves and the poor people. Here's an excerpt from http://www.reviewofreligions.org/2876/the-life-character-of-the-seal-of-the-prophetssaw-part-4/ on the prophet and his slave, Zaid bin Harith.

"Hakim bin Hizam, the nephew of Hadhrat Khadijah(ra), was a merchant who constantly moved about with various trade caravans. Once he purchased a few slaves during a trade expedition and gave one of them as a gift to Hadhrat Khadijah(ra). The name of the slave gifted to Hadhrat Khadijah(ra) was Zaid bin Harithah(ra). In actuality, Zaid(ra) belonged to a free family, but during a plunder he was taken captive and was forcefully enslaved. Khadijah(ra) found Zaid(ra) to be wise and intelligent, so she entrusted him to Muhammad(saw).

It was always the practice of the Holy Prophet(saw) that he would treat his servants and slaves with immense love, like his own kith and kin. Hence, Muhammad(saw) was affectionate to Zaid(ra). Since Zaid(ra) possessed a sincere heart, he also developed love for Muhammad(saw). Meanwhile, Zaid(ra)’s father Harith and paternal uncle Ka‘b came to Makkah whilst looking for him. Both of them presented themselves before the Holy Prophet(saw), and with great humility requested the freedom of Zaid(ra), so that he may return home with them. Muhammad(saw) responded; “Absolutely! If Zaid wishes to leave with you, I delightedly give him permission to do so.” At this, Zaid was called upon and was asked by Muhammad(saw), “Zaid, Do you recognise these people?” “Yes,” responded Zaid(ra), “they are my father and paternal uncle.” Muhammad(saw) said, “They have come to take you. If you wish to leave with them, I gladly give you permission to do so.” “I shall not leave you on any account,” answered Zaid(ra), “To me, you are far dearer than my own uncle or father.” Zaid(ra)’s father reacted with great anger and grief, “What? Do you give preference to a life of slavery over that of freedom?” “Yes,” responded Zaid(ra), “for I have witnessed such virtues in him that I can now give preference to none above him.”

When Muhammad(saw) heard this response he immediately stood up and took Zaid(ra) to the Ka‘bah. There he announced in a loud voice, “O People! Be witness to the fact that as of this day I free Zaid(ra) and make him my son. He shall be my heir and I shall be his.” When Zaid(ra)’s uncle and father observed this sight, they were astounded. They happily left Zaid with Muhammad(saw). Since then, Zaid bin Harithah(ra) became known as Zaid bin Muhammad(ra).1 However, after the Hijrah, God revealed a commandment that it was unlawful to take an adopted child as an actual son.2 Upon this, Zaid(ra) was once again given his original name, Zaid bin Harithah. Nonetheless, the loving conduct of the ever-loyal Muhammad(saw) remained unaltered with this ever-sincere servant..."

Imagine a slave loving their master to the extent they wouldn't want to go back to their family. How amazingly well do you think the prophet peace be upon him to make Zaid may peace be upon him, cherish him that much.

So here's food for thought for all of us...if roles were reversed, would you be pleased working under YOU?

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