TAKING THE BEST FROM GOODBYES

It is strange isn't it? That sometimes you never see the goodbye coming. You are totally oblivious of the 'end' that is about to happen. Just two days ago you were laughing loudly across the hall with your work mate and today they are fired out of the blue. A few chats back, you were having a late night conversation with a dear friend and now they are no longer in your life. Your relative sends you a forward message on WhatsApp and the next day they die. Sometimes you can't even remember what exactly happened. You can't exactly remember what that laugh was about or what that late night conversation entailed. You can't remember if your relative was sick in the first place. You just didn't know that would be the last time you'd hear from them. Sometimes death is what separates us but sometimes, it is nothing like that. We got busy. We held grudges. We went to another town. We got other responsibilities. We had children. We formed new friendships. We changed jobs. We grew. We changed. It is but life they say...

For some of us, goodbyes hit us harder than the rest. We want to understand why it happened, what better could we have done for them, what mistakes we did towards them. Letting go is an art and it is definitely one that's not very easy to master. There are some things we can never control and the staying and departure of our loved ones is one of them. You can do whatever you want; be the best human being on earth, sweetest Cherry ever, yet you are still going to lose some people in your life. There is no magic trick for this. We ought to accept that so as to have solace. Nonetheless, there are some things we can do for our own sake in order to live a peaceful life.

1. Always have it at the back of your mind that this life is temporary. You. Your loved ones. The people and everything in it. This includes both the good and bad moments. You are definitely going to be separated from them one way or another. Whether you like it or not. This doesn't mean that you live your entire life waiting for this heart-breaking moment to happen, but you live each day to your best ability with those you care about, knowing very well that nothing lasts forever. One day we are here, the next we are not. We might as well make the best use of TODAY.

2. Be kind. Always. Now that we already know how temporary life is, that means we also accept the uncertainty that comes with it. You just never know when would be the last time. For you. For others. For you and others. So be kind to yourself and others always. Treat them with compassion like it is their last day with you (because it could very well be?) or their very last day on this earth. Be there for them. Love them. Support them. APPRECIATE them. Be at your best so long as it doesn't be at the cost of your own well-being.

3. There are some people you will have to unapologetically cut off. As much as kindness is divine, it doesn't mean we allow other people to step on us or take advantage. Make sure you are keen enough to see who genuinely means well and who is being toxic to you. And sometimes toxicity is so subtle we don't even realize how we are being affected negatively by the people we are around. Whether it is friends who only use us. Or people with no goals whatsoever in life. Or those with a negative mindset ALWAYS (We all have phases we feel negative). Or those who are always gossiping and their noses in other people's business. Look carefully at the people in your life and screen them. Are these the people I REALLY want to be around??!

4. Forgive. Forgive. Forgive. There is something so refreshing about forgiveness. Trust me as I say this because as a very anxious person, conflicts have always affected me in a huge way. But the moment I was able to genuinely forgive MYSELF first and those who wronged me, I realized that there is no more refreshing feeling in this world than being able to forgive. It makes you feel invincible. It makes you feel in power. It is you telling the world that despite what you throw at me, I'll never let you ruin me. And forgiving those who hurt you and left your life doesn't necessarily mean you have to keep in touch with them or stay friends with them. It just means you are at peace with yourself and them despite the circumstances that led to the goodbye.

5. Pray. For yourself and your loved ones. Never underestimate what prayer does. Pray for the people you care about and the same will be granted to you. Pray for their peace. For their health. For their well-being. For their success. For your relationship with them. Even after you've parted ways and life has driven you far away, pray for each other. Because perhaps we can't control what life brings or takes, but we can control what we do before and after that.

This life is simple yet very complicated. They say, it is what you make out of it. No human being can be positive 24/7 for their entire lifetime but that shouldn't make us drown in our miseries and difficulties. We have to work on ourselves to ensure that we are always growing, always a 'work-in-progress', always making lemonade from the lemons...always learning to be the best version of ourselves...

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The books are available at the following location: IOU centre, Chetna Restaurant, 2nd floor. Along Haile Sellasie Road (Ahead of Oil Libya petrol station and just before Royal Court hotel) Contact: 0770 136 463/0770 630 997. 

In Nairobi, we have some few copies available with Ahmed: 0718 232 852

BOOK REVIEW: THE STRIVING SOUL

Photo Courtesy: Ahmed Elmawi

Guest Post by: Ayan Ali Abdi

Have you ever had the experience of reading a book till the end, closing it, watching the world move on while you lay there feeling like you just lost a bosom friend?

DISCLAIMER

All views expressed here are my own and do NOT represent the opinion of any entity. I have also NOT received payment of any kind that I’m aware of.

All you are left with is a wistful collection of the writer’s words of wisdom that you obsessively re-read to feel their presence again. You wish you could turn back time just a little, back to the moment you opened the first page. Well, if that hasn’t happened to you yet, let me introduce you to my lost friend The Striving Soul.

We have been inseparable!

When I first got hold of it, something strange caught my attention. Some of the pages were essentially blank apart from a few paragraphs at the top. “Mmm, that’s not very economical.” I thought to myself as I began reading.

I was barely two pages in when, lo and behold I just had a startling realization! The few words at the top were so powerful, so thought-provoking you needed the space to breathe, to contemplate, to let it resonate with your whole being.

I literally had to tear myself away from the book after every few pages. I just couldn’t rush through it, not with the kind of emotions it aroused. I was left feeling both gratified and saddened when I reached the final page.

The author began writing consistently at the young age of 12, started a successful blog lubnah.me.ke at the age of 25 which was nominated by BAKE(Bloggers Association of Kenya) in 2016 among the top 5 creative writing blogs in Kenya, is a part time lecturer and has written two biographies; Unbroken Wings published in 2017 and Dropped to the world, Adopted by Faith published in 2018. I mean, need I say more? 😊

The book touches on the struggles we all face albeit to varying degrees such as anxiety, depression, loneliness, shame, the need for recognition, the need to fit in, sexual harassment but in a way that inspires you to rise above the feeling of complete powerlessness and to embrace your true power.

The writer implores you to wear your emotional scars as the ornaments they are and to use them to fuel your success.

The language is simple and easy to comprehend but each word weighs heavily on your heart. I cried, I smiled and I revelled in it’s beauty.

If you are the kind of person who isn’t given to philosophical contemplation in any significant sense then this book is sadly not for you.

Nothing I have said above could honestly do justice to this book, the excerpt below will speak volumes instead:

Everyone thinks they’ve had it worse. Everyone thinks their story is more devastating, more terrifying, more everything. But everyone carries trauma. We’ve all hit rock bottom, we’ve all been pushed to the edge, we’ve all felt shattered we thought we’d never rise again. True, some people have it worse, but we are all on the same ship in unpredictable weather. We could sink any moment and not everyone can swim against the currents. Not everyone survives. -The Striving Soul

It’s a book I would probably never pass on, never lend out but you can contact this number; 0704 731 560 or order via Instagram @strokes.of.my.pen to get your copy for just 1000Ksh. Thank me later.

I repeat for the sake of emphasis, I do NOT stand to benefit from the book’s purchase in any way.

Have you read a book you absolutely adored? Please let me know below. I would love to check it out.

Peace.

***

You can read more of her work at: https://kenyanmuslimah.com/

***

The books are available at the following location:

IOU centre,

Chetna Restaurant, 2nd floor.

Along Haile Sellasie Road (Ahead of Oil Libya petrol station and just before Royal Court hotel)

Contact: 0770 136 463/0770 630 997

In Nairobi, we have some few copies available with Ahmed: 0718 232 852

8 KINDS OF HOSTS YOU ARE LIKELY TO MEET

This article (edited version) was first published on ‘Travel Log Magazine’ an insert of Standard Newspaper on 5/7/2019

Do you remember that one family that you stayed with and you decided to never ever stay at someone’s home again? Or perhaps that one warm family that treated you too well this one time you visited, you now have a permanent suitcase at their home ‘in case’ you need a bed for the night. I bet we all have memories of the places we’ve been to and the different kinds of hosts we’ve met. Some are pretty lovely, some are weird, disgusting, and entertaining…the list is endless. Here are a few examples of the kind of hosts you’re most likely to meet:

1. PANIC MODE:

From the moment you make that phone call on your visit, they become on a panic mode. An emergency general clean-up of the house will be done even when the house was already clean enough. They will over-stock the fridge with all kind of groceries because ‘how will I know what they love?’ They will stress over the ‘master piece’ drawings on the walls done by the children. They will worry about the seemingly old bed sheets. They will overcook for your entire stay. Ask you a hundred times in the least if ‘you need anything’. They will be on their feet as early as 4 a.m. in the morning to ensure breakfast is ready by the time you’re up. It doesn’t matter if you’re a very close family member, a friend or even a colleague, they’ll still overstretch themselves to ensure you have a comfortable stay.

2. VISITORS MEANS FEASTING:

They are the literal example of ‘mgeni aje, mwenyeji apone’ because now that we have visitors, we have the perfect reason to over-spend and over-eat. They will break their piggy banks, pull out the hidden money under the mattress, and withdraw all their savings from the bank just to make the best out of the situation. They will put a pause to their diet and FEAST on all that they couldn’t eat in the past year because now ‘I can’t leave the visitor eat different food. It doesn’t seem good.’ They will go for fancy shopping sprees, spoil the visitor thoroughly while spoiling themselves too. ‘You Only Live Once’ becomes their new daily mantra till the stay is over and they’re left with an empty pocket, debts and some extra kilos of body fat. ‘Welcome back to reality pal!’

3. YOU ARE NOT A VISITOR:

It doesn’t matter what your relationship is with the host or how long you plan to stay but you must play a role in the house chores. They will ensure you help around whether it is by washing the dishes after meals or even picking their child from the day-care in the evening. So long as you eat and sleep in this house, you won’t be favoured in any way. Keep working!

4. THE INTRUDER:

Don’t leave your phone for a second and they’re already deep in the photo gallery, or even worse, replying your messages. They will randomly open your suitcase to peep at your clothes, or use your laptop without your permission. They have no idea whatsoever on how to give one their personal space.

5. THE WARM HOME:

They will make you feel very welcome and ensure that you have the best time at their home. They will entertain you and feed you well. They will sacrifice their time and energy to give you company whenever they can. They ensure you’re comfortable enough to feel free and do as you please in their house.

6. FOOD AND ROOF ONLY:

It is like you’re in a hotel but only difference is you have some ‘company’. They’re present but it’s like you’re non-existent to them. Everyone in the house is busy doing something of their own and the only time anyone talks to you is to call you for a painfully silent meal. Pretty much like those boring hostel roommates at college. You can’t expect anything more from them apart from food and roof. But at least you have that, can you complain really?!

7. AIRING THE DIRTY LAUNDRY

These people will not pretend to be jolly when they’re not. They won’t wear plastered smiles to please you. As long as you’re in the house, you’re in it. You will hear them shouting to each other, throwing abusive words, as you stand by your room door with your mouth agape. You will hear something heavy fall. Someone screaming. Perhaps a chair or the small wooden stool has been thrown. Becomes even worse when it is not just a couple but a family and now everyone is throwing words at everyone and you have absolutely no idea what to do. Should you stay in your room and pretend you see nothing, you hear nothing? Or should you walk out and try calming them down? What do you do at the dinner table when it is all tense and extremely quiet? You have an entire two weeks to figure that out. All the best with your stay though!

8. HINT DROPPER:

‘So when are you planning to go to the City?’

‘When did you say your friend will be picking you up?’

‘My sister has been waiting for me so we travel to Dubai together. I am just here because of you. Ni sawa lakini.’

Your hosts will not fail to drop you hints that it is high time you leave because well, isn’t it high time? They say ‘akufukuzaye hakuambii toka’. So please get the hints and find another place to crash in.

Reflecting back, what kind of host are you? Have you ever thought whether your visitors would ever want to stay with you again or are you the nightmare that made someone’s child despise visiting any home entirely?!