THE ERA TO NOT RUSH INTO MARRIAGE

Photo: Unknown

I actually love seeing young happy couples together. By couples I mean married of course. I don't really mind seeing a 20 year old already in her home and happy with her life. What? Are you surprised? You expect me to condemn such 'kids' to have their own families? I won't. If the two can sustain each other's needs and are responsible enough then why not?

There is also another scenario of young girls who do not want to study. Who are not interested in studying. Who do not want to even get a job and do something with their life. If this was your daughter what do you do with her? Ground her for a month? Take her phone? Forbid her friends from visiting her? Drag her to school and waste your school fees? Force her to go do a job? You do this to an 18 year old then you are just making her become rebellious. Do that to a boy he becomes twice as rebellious. And you know what young people do when they become rebellious? They do all that would hurt you, annoy you, piss you off completely. They will join bad gangs, have bad friends, get into drugs, partying and illicit intercourse.

Of course as a parent you are to do your very best in convincing and persuading and advising and threatening if necessary to make them realize that they are wasting their life away but if worse gets to worst and you see the young man or girl has made up her mind to be and do nothing then give her something worthwhile to be. Let her be someone's wife. Let her be a mother. Not as a punishment though cause that way it also won't work. Don't push her to get married to escape your own responsibility. Don't let her frustrate someone's son because you couldn't handle her (same applies to a stubborn young man). Let her get into marriage if that is what she is interested in or perhaps she can do well in.

How many times have we seen very poor performing girls becoming best of house wives and best of cooks and best of mothers? Not all children are blessed in academics but they could be blessed in their ability to take up such home responsibilities; the home science. If she is capable enough then why not? If the man marrying her is good enough then why not? If they are both happy with the decision then why not? Isn't it better than letting her waste away with men? Isn't being a mother the most noble career of all?? Well of course we can't compare the older generations (where our mothers could get married at 16 and still be exemplary women in the society) to the spoilt dot com kids who can barely do anything by themselves. But there are some few young girls who still carry that old gene of being responsible when it comes to home affairs. Plus, apart from that, we have those who got married at such early ages and still went on pursuing their dreams, studies and careers!

Okay, now that I have made that point clear, let's come back to the main topic. That this is not the era to rush into marriage! Ironic right? Yes, let me explain why.

Nowadays, we no longer have love triangles. We have Bermuda love triangles. Correction again; the Bermuda lust triangles. I say Bermuda because it's other name is called the 'devil's triangle'. Perhaps that is what defines what exactly is happening among'st us currently.

You know like A and B are a married couple. They seem to be quite happy. But A is also secretly dating C who is a co-worker to B. And B also 'has a thing' for D. And D is the ex of C. C on the other hand is also seeing F who is the cousin to B. Oh and before I forget, A also had a one night stand with G. F also had a thing with both H and I who apparently all are friends. You get the scenario? What's all this mess of 'we had a thing??' Do people throw themselves over everyone just because they 'had a thing'? What's a thing anyway?! This is not love. It is lust and most of the times it is lust plus love of money. By the time these ladies finally get married their hearts are in such a pathetic state. They are wasted. Their hearts are as cold as ever. She will always be comparing everything to what all her 'men' offered her. Their touch, their outings, their money, their intimacy. She will compare, even if not loudly. As for the man, he is no longer fresh and green. He is rotten and a rainbow of all the dark colours that you know of. He will mistreat you because he doesn't exactly need you. He is overwhelmed by all the women who have walked in and out his life. He doesn't need you as a wife and partner, perhaps just as the woman in consummation.

There was a time back when being a mistress was such a disgraceful thing.  When being a side-chic was such an awful thing. Everyone was condemning it. Only cheap ladies standing at the street willingly accepted the position yet right now very young girls, teenagers, are vying up for seat. Pardon is it vying up or down? I mean, where are we really headed to? What makes us any different from prostitutes? That we wear fancier clothes and do all these stuff for fun and not for money? Or is this sponsor affair stuff okay now? Where is our modesty people? Our chastity?

I mean, look at us. Look at how disgusting our situation is. Young men getting married early...and we say 'well done. He has done good to mature up, to abstain, to take what is rightfully his' only to come and realize he was looking for someone to fill his emotional loophole (which is fine). He was looking for a punching bag (sooo not fine). Someone to comfort him (which is fine too) but at the same time, he is back dating his ex. He realized he rushed into marriage. That he was not over her. And what does this poor neglected girl do when his husband no longer gives her the attention? Seeks her husband's friend. That same one who's been eating on the same table with her husband. But do you get my point? Do you see how rotten we are? Now why are you rushing into marrying anyone?

I'll tell you this. When someone proposes or when proposing to someone, do your research well. Even if you know them for eternity, still do your research. Do a thesis about them if possible. Employ a private detective if possible. Seek help from FBI, CSI, CIA, all these security forces. Ask about the guy or the lady like she is in the most wanted list. Don't let that infatuation or love blind you. No one is what they seem. I mean NO ONE! Take your time with this. There is no deadline in this. It is about your life. It is a lifetime commitment so no one should hold a gun on your head. If someone is not up to your standards don't just accept because everyone else your age is getting married. Have your focus. Marriage is not your final destination. Marriage is not everything in life. Marriage is not about the white veil or the full suit. It is you handing over your heart with both hands to another person. You wouldn't want to do that just to later on realize that you married a womanizer, a batterer, a homosexual, a psycho, a cheap lady, a terrorist, a drugist, someone with all kinds of diseases and most of all, a betrayer ...right??

Sweetheart, there is no rush. Be patient. Analyze what people have to offer in your life. Sieve them away. Be critical in your thinking. Again, don't allow love to blind you. Yes, everyone has some flaws but some flaws are just unacceptable. Keep praying again and again. Ask God to grant you what is best for you then wait. Remember your fate is already written. Don't panic. Wait. Don't let the societal excitement of marriage overwhelm you. Wait again. Remember this, good things take time! 

To end this I will leave you some lyrics by someone (i don't even know the name) but someone showed these lyrics some time back and I think the message is good:

Anayetoa ni mola wa pekee yeye

Kwa kila goti na dua anajibu yeye

Usije itaka harusi kwa pupa

Usije itaka harusi ukarudi na talaka

Usikimbilie mume ukaukondesha moyo

Mola amekuumba na sifa kedekede

Ukimuomba yeye atakusikia

Jiamini mama usiwe na mapepe

Ya nini tumbure angali mume majaliwa?

Kwanini ujichoreshe na mali yako yaliwa?

Utabeba vibovu upewe maradhi kukimbilia mapenzi

Uje upate tabu ukwaye mavazi uyachukie mapenzi...

8 BOLLYWOOD MOVIES YOU PROBABLY SHOULD WATCH

PhotoCourtesy: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Samir_Mondal

If you are thinking that bollywood is all about romance then you are getting it twisted. There are many moral and life lessons to be learnt but well, it all depends on your kind of thinking. Do you spend one/two hours watching something just because it was a hit and worth your cinema ticket or do you really try to analyze what is to be learnt from it? That's food for thought but for now let's get back to our topic. I am not always on track with the latest movies and most of what I've watched is many months or even years after it's release. Nonetheless, I am critical in what I consider a good movie worth my time. These are just a few of which I think even if you aren't a fan of bollywood, perhaps you should give a try to. They are quite some years old but their effect never get old on me. I am sure there are several more that have inspiring after-effects but this is what I could come up with for now.

1.Taare Zameen Par: My all time favourite. I have probably watched it a dozen times now. It still moves me. It still makes me cry like it's my first time. The story revolves around a young 'naughty' boy who has a major problem in reading and writing. His father is very hard on the boy and keeps comparing him to his older brother who is just the 'perfect son'; perfect grades, perfect cricket player. The young boy; Ishaan grows with a very low self esteem and becomes a loner. Only for his teacher to break it to his parents that he has dyslexia; a mental condition yet still a very talented artist. Coincidentally, Ishaan has several features like my baby sister. His height, slimness, the shape of his face, his teeth. Perhaps that is why it always gets to me but it has inspired me a lot. This is especially a good movie for parents (for teachers too); this exactly shows how scolding children really brings them down and how their support can make the best out of a student. How children should be allowed to persue what they can do best and for Ishaan, his art was simply spectacular! I'd just like to mention what the teacher told Ishaan's father about a certain island called Solomon's island where people don't have to cut down the trees all they have to do is go in front of the trees and shout at them, insult, scold...and the trees die on their own. (Another food for thought).

I previously wrote an article about dyslexia which is also available on this site. That is how much this movie inspired me. You can always have a look at it! Well, to cut the long story short; it is definitely worth your time if you haven't watched it already.

2.Bhaijang Baijarang: Well who hasn't watched this?! A story about a very honest man trying to return a dumb girl back to her country Pakistan after getting lost in India. The obvious is that without anything this is already an awesome plot and a great story but there is about sacrifice here. How far do you go to helping someone even when you know you will be risking your life and not getting anything in return? Especially when you are dealing with a dumb girl and communication is such a struggle?! Crossing borders illegally is not exactly 'an honest man's way of doing things but he still tries his best to make it 'right.' I particularly like the similar ending of this movie and of the previous movie that I mentioned on Ishaan. The teacher throwing his student on air and in this, the saviour throwing Shaheeda (the dumb girl) on air too. Very moving! Very inspiring! Oh yes, stories involving children are simply the best! So, how much can you sacrifice for any human being?!

3.Ek Villain: Okay okay, it is a great love story alright but there is such a great lesson to be learnt from Aisha. Aisha is suffering from cancer and the doctors see no hope in her living any longer. So she has a bucket list that she wanted to empty before her death. A very interesting bucket list if I may add. But there is so much we learn from her. How her bucket list involves making other people happy more than herself. She keeps putting up very inspirational quotes on path ways. She is like a shining star that's slowly falling. She smiles, she laughs, she has hope, she dedicates herself to fulfilling other people's dreams even when she knew she was dying. But what I loved the most is how she taught her husband (who was filled with rage and pain over his alarming past) that darkness can never drive out darkness, it is only light that can drive out darkness. She was able to change her killer husband into something amazing. She was able to teach him that in life there is day too besides the night. We learn from her the art of being happy, of creating change in others, in being the light at the end of the tunnel for others. It is such a sad story and how it ended (or rather, started) wasn't exactly what the viewers wanted but I like stories that beat the ordinary; unpredictable. Worth the watch, worth your time.

4.Three idiots: Ohhh boy. Amazing, simply tremendous! If you love stories about school life then this is definitely it. So much humour, adventures and craziness. But besides all that, this story evolves about three friends who invest all they have in their relationship. The kind of friendship that lasts forever. There is so much sacrifice, laughter, smiles, tears, sorrow, standing up for one another. Well, with our current world filled with fake friends maybe we can borrow a few 'real friendship' tips from these guys. Perhaps then we can start having the right definition of friendship.

5.Mary Kom: A tough girl who dreams of being a boxer and the obvious is that her father was totally against it. But she was persistent, still persued boxing, went training, had her many challenges but still became a champion. The twist of events happens when she gets married and gives birth to twins of which one was sickly. She had to stop boxing and training for a while and when she decided to come back to boxing it was like starting from zero again. But she still didn't give up and struggled her way up once again. The perfect story for the saying, 'where there is a will there is a way'. It's all about dedication, courage, bravery, hard work and determination. You have a dream? It's never going to come easy.

6.Baghban: Another very touching story of an old couple and their grown up children who decide to separate their mother and father after their house was sold. Really sad story in how it vividly potrays how children poorly traet their parents when they are of old age. The two parents are neglected and are hurt several times by their children and their spouses. The husband and wife miss each other but are miles apart and all they do is lie to each other that they are 'okay'. Something interesting about this story is that their adopted son is the one who comes back to them, brings the two back together and treats them well more than their own children.  Yes, the story very well highlights that another man's son could be better to you than your own family.  This is the 'treat others right' call. You just don't know who will be good to you when you least expect it and who will be bad to you when you never expect it. Be good unto others, you just never know!

7.English Vinglish: Many of us take for granted our 'illiterate' parents and not just that, we rub it on their faces that they don't know a thing. Well this is the same thing here. This story evolves around a very loving mother and wife who doesn’t know English. Her husband and daughter treat her awfully and mock her for being uneducated. When she travels to America for a family wedding, she secretly joins an English class. She gets to meet new people who really appreciate her and consider her delicious cookery as art. She starts loving herself for what she is and does all her best to learn English, which she does at the end. It's a light story, perhaps not a super hit but one you can learn from. Again, where there is a will there is a way. She breaks all stereotypes around her and makes herself appreciated. The issue of parents come again; perhaps we really underestimate the damage we cause in our parents when we make silly jokes, mock them around or treat them misappropriately because of their weaknesses. Do only what you would want your own children to do to you!

8.BLACK: Being both blind and deaf from a young age is not any easy thing. This story talks about a young girl who becomes blind and deaf after recovering from some illness at the age of two. She becomes trapped in her own darkness and becomes a frustated and violent girl. Then comes this new teacher who is very hard on her at the start but he becomes the main reason of her learning and becoming better mannered. He teaches her to express herself. The teacher walks hand in hand with her in this journey until she is able to join university. She keeps failing but still continues persuing her dream until she finally graduates. At that time her teacher is already succumbing to alzheimer's disease whereby he starts forgetting her and other memories too. On her graduation she ensures that her teacher is the first one who sees her in the gown and when he sees her he starts remembering bits from the past. They start pronouncing the letters together. It's the teacher now learning from/with his student. Another inspiring story for teachers especially those dealing with special needs. What we learn? Teachers really have a great impact in our lives more than we assume.

FATE (part 2)

Photo Courtesy : Salem_Beliegraphy

"You are still poor. Why did you come back now? Today precisely?! Just when I was leaving to UK?! Do you know what it meant to me? That scholarship?!" He snapped.

"Please forgive me my son. I came back so that I can see you, see how you've grown and...apologize to both you and your mum. I have countable days remaining..."

Rashid staggered out of the hut. His mum was standing there, her forehead formed lines and her eyes were squinted. She was nervously playing with her hands as if it was her judgement day. Rashid looked at her for a while before pulling a stool from the side of the hut and made his mum sit down. There was a moment of dead silence. Then he started;

"How..." he looked at her in the eyes, "how did you survive after he left?"

She sighed loudly.

"Mwanangu (my son)...You know what they say? That when you truly love someone you let them go. You let them be happy...but it's a lie. It means making a tough choice; a selfish one. It's either they remain happy and you don't, or you stay happy and they don't. It's a sacrifice no one wants to make especially when another woman is involved...and letting him go cost us our happiness. .." Darkness had filled the compound and all that could be heard were random voices here and there from the neighbours. Rashid could see the tears forming in his mother's eyes. He held her hand tightly and nodded at her to go on.

"For many years after your father left, I neglected my entire life. I neglected myself. I neglected you...I neglected you Rashid. I gave up on life. I was like a dead woman walking. Like a miserable zombie. I never worked and we survived on the money that your father left behind but also that came to an end. We had rent arrears and debts from shops. We had to shift here. We were too poor, too messed up. You grew up like an orphan child yet you had your mother with you," she rised her hand and touched his face.

Rashid swallowed a bitter lump of bile that was now on his lips. How could he forget all those days he would beg his mum to take him to school and those nights he would cry out of fear yet she would turn on her bed like she was suddenly deaf. He would push her body back and forth vigorously calling out 'mama'...all in vain.

"Perhaps you don't remember everything...but came the day when I carelessly left hot ashes outside the house without warning you and you stepped on them. I still remember your shriek. It was like a wake up call for me. It was a reminder that I had a son. That I had a gift from God. That I had something worth living my life for...."

"Everything changed after that incident," she gave him a weak smile. "Your feet were horribly burnt and you couldn't walk for almost one month. I decided to re-start again. It was not too late. It never is. I got a job in the market to help a friend sell her vegetables while she went on with her other businesses. I took you to school and we had a new life altogether. It wasn't the best kind of life but it was the best I could offer. I worked as a tailor after that, then a house maid, then sold viazi karai (fried potatoes), mahamri and mbaazi. After that I worked as a mchoraji wa piko na henna (henna tattoing) and finally was able to get my own kibanda (small stall)....You know it all from there..."

Rashid leaned forward and hugged her quickly, picked up his bag before disappearing out of the compound without a word. He stopped by a palm tree and leaned on it to support his weak knees. His eyes were wet when he heard some footsteps coming towards him. He quickly rubbed his eyes with his arms and disappeared once again. He didn't come back until the next day.

Rashid walked into their home compound just to see his mother in the arms of their neighbour mama Fatuma. They were vividly in tears. He fastened his steps as his breathe got heavy.  They both turned around, their eyes red and tired.

"Rashid!!" Mama Fatuma said loudly, her eyes suddenly popped out like she had just seen a ghost.

"Mama...what happened?!" He said as his heart beat furiously..."did something happen to...dad?"

Rashid's mother rushed into his arms and cried on his broad chest.

"We thought...I thought...you are gone...You have never slept outside before and you took your bag with you."

"Rashid! I am so relieved you are back! We thought you had gone after the bus to go to UK...the bus crashed last night," mama Fatuma said.

Rashid swallowed a rather huge lump of saliva.

"The bus crashed?!"

"Yes...we heard it on the radio this morning.  16 passengers passed away and the rest are all injured."

"Whoa! That was a close shave!" He exclaimed as he stood still in his place; pertubed.

"Nyamaza kulia sasa mama Rashid (Stop crying now mama Rashid)...haven't you already seen your son? He is fine Alhamdulilah," mama Fatuma said as she dabbed her eyes with her leso and blew her nose loudly.

" I was at a friend's place mum. I just needed..."

"It's okay...I'm just grateful to have you back. Oh Rashid how would I live without you?!"

Rashid patted her back and led her inside the hut. She needed some rest.

Four days after, Rashid's father passed on. Rashid sat next to his silently weeping mother throughout the funeral. He didn't cry. Not a single tear. At least not for someone whom he considered a stranger. But there was that irresistible heart ache that was banging on his chest. Whatever the case, the deceased was still his father. Whether he liked the fact or not, he had to deal with it.

Right after burying him, an old limping man came towards him. He was leaning on his bakora as he took small but rather quick steps. His head was entirely grey which immediately gave Rashid the instinct that he could be one of his father's associates.

"Assalam aleikum.  You must be Rashid right?"

Rashid looked at him in puzzlement before replying the greeting and saying yes.

"You have really grown my son mashallah..." he said as he gave him a broad smile.

"Pardon, I haven't recognized you."

"You can't remember me. You were too young. Come, come my son. I have a message from your late father." He led him into a more silent corner and they sat on large rocks. They were quiet for a moment, staring at the scattered bushes and green grass around.

"I couldn't risk waiting any longer to talk to you. I am very old and my grave is calling me." The old man smiled weakly. Rashid never said a word.

"My son,  once upon a time I was your father's lawyer. I was in charge of all his dealings and his wealth. Those days your father had started building his own empire and your mother had his back always...well, that was until when Salma, his second wife appeared in his life. I believe you know about her by now?"

Rashid nodded.

"I'll just try to cut this story short. After Salma left with all his wealth, what she didn't know is that he had an offshore secret bank account. There was no much money in it but it was enough to make him live comfortably for a few more months or perhaps a year. But he decided that that money should be kept for you as a gift from him."

"Strange...Why didn't he mention that to me when we talked?"

"Because he didn't want you to think he is buying you back. He just needed you and your mother to forgive him."

Rashid was silent.

"Here," the old man handed him the parcel. "This is exactly 500,000 shillings and God knows I didn't deduct or add a single penny on it."

"500,000?!"

"Yes."

Rashid's mouth was agape. He had never touched even a quarter of that amount.

"But why? He died so poor...he sold all his property to survive. Why didn't he use this?"

"Because he regretted what he did to the only woman who sacrificed her entire life for his sake and to you...his only son. He cleared all his debts before he died and doesn't have much left remaining, just a few clothes, shoes and such...but I will surely come to your home and deliver what is rightfully for you and your mother."

Rashid was speechless. He stared once again at the horizon then at the skies. Perhaps trying to understand what was happening to his life.

"Son, I have done what was upon me...goodbye" he patted Rashid's shoulder and started walking away.

"Excuse me...what is your name uncle?"

"Ibrahim..." he smiled again then continued, "I was not just your father's lawyer,  he was my childhood friend and a brother to me. Perhaps you doubt this but your father...he was a kind man; a good man. He may have made his mistakes in his youth but he really loved you, and worried about you throughout."

"Why didn't he ever search for me then?"

"Because he was ashamed...I hope you find it in you to forgive him. Take care of yourself son. Meet you soon in shaa Allah. "

Rashid watched the old man limp away. He looked at the parcel in his hand and sighed loudly.

"Oh God!" He thought to himself.

He recounted all the recent events in his life; mum's phone call, his father, the lost scholarship, the bus crash, his father's death and then this...He could have died in the bus crash. He wouldn't have met his father. He wouldn't have known the truth. He would have left his mother alone. He wouldn't have gotten this fortune. He sighed again. His mother would be shocked about the money...but this would help them greatly.  Perhaps start his own business, work while he pays his own college fees. It is better to stay around with his mother. He needed her more than anything. For once, he remembered to thank God for the cancelled trip to UK. For sure better things were yet to come.

"Truly fate is full of surprises. .." Rashid said to himself as he walked back home. He had a lot to tell her.

A LETTER TO THE ONE FEELING LOW

Photo Courtesy: https://www.pinterest.com/

Hey Assalam aleykum  

If not Muslim, hey buddy!

It may be one of those rough times in your life. Perhaps you are undergoing a financial collapse, a family conflict, a heart break, bad marriage, betrayal, identity crisis, quarter life crisis, mid-life crisis...you name it. Perhaps you are just feeling lost and confused. Perhaps you don't exactly understand why you came to this world. Perhaps you don't feel your need existing in this world. Perhaps you think this pain is too much to bear. Perhaps you wish you could disappear. Perhaps you can't stay hungry anymore. Perhaps you have no strength to work one more day. Perhaps you are undergoing writer's block. Perhaps things are just not working out. Perhaps you feel the very urgent need to explode. You feel low, stressed and depressed. But perhaps...all this is not as bad as it may seem.

One thing for sure; you are going to over-come this and it is going to remain as a memory. Perhaps a bad memory but it will all be in the past and what's in the past no longer defines us.

Be rest assured, there is nothing abnormal in the kind of pain we live in. Everyone is experiencing some kind of battle, maybe not at the same time as you do but they surely do. Don't see happy faces full of smiles, walking on the shores of the beach and going for shopping sprees and you start thinking 'why the hell is my life like this? And not like that?' The only difference comes in how we deal with that pain. You are the one to choose whether you are going to let go of what is eating you up, whether you will forgive others and yourself and whether you will stand up after that terrible fall.

Sometimes too many things collapse at the same time especially when you are in your 20's. This is the time when just almost everything seems to be falling on your head. Identity crisis; you don't even know what you want in your life, betrayals; you start seeing the claws of the dearest people to you, University's chaotic life, financial problems, Career search that never ends, transition into marriage life etc etc. This could be like "hello! Welcome to the real world" call. You start seeing truths you'd never want to know but you are forced to stare into that horrible reality for some time and maybe for a longer time than you expected. But hey! Don't despair.

I am just going to tell you 3 things that I hope you can take note of.

1.Dear, you are not alone. You are definitely not alone in this. Perhaps you consider yourself such an awful person or you feel so lonely and don't expect anyone to even cry if you died this moment. Maybe you think that you are better off six feet under with only soil to hug you. Do know this; people do love you. It may be one person, three, ten or even a dozen it doesn't matter the number. What matters is that this person or these people can cross oceans for your sake. However many your flaws may be, these people truly and sincerely care for you. Some even look up to you, they probably even consider you their mentor and role model while you are just not aware of it. Do know that to someone out there, you are really needed in this life. Your existence is crucial for them so don't let the sadness sweep you off your feet forever. Don't disappoint them by letting yourself sink in that wavy ocean. They need you to stand up NOW. You are Needed.

2.You are allowed to feel the pain. It is just a phase of life. It is okay to experience it and embrace it. Just don't allow yourself to stay too long in the darkness. Cry, mourn, talk it out if you need to but don't let it take over your life. Just take enough time to grieve but not too long to make sadness and loneliness a part of you. It is all about learning how to stand up after that great fall. You can do it 

3.I'd like to give you an example here. Let's say you admire some girl out there (or the vice versa) and you really want her/him to talk to you. You want the attention. So what do you do? You create a problem for them so that they can come to ask for help from you. If you know that she can't fix a puncture you intentionally prick her car tires so that she may ask for your help. You know that she may ask for help from her other mates but sometimes no one can help except you. So she will come, eventually; sooner or later. Patience here is crucial. When this problem is over you make her computer crash. And then maybe put a virus in her flash disk. It could go on and on. It depends on how much you love that person. The more you love them the more you want them to talk to you and thus, the more difficult situations you create for them. It doesn't mean you want to harm them does it? It just means you love them so much that you would want them to know how much you are crucial in their lives. This is the same thing with God. Well not exactly but almost. God doesn't need your attention in fact, you need His! But when He loves one of His creations, He keeps testing them again and again. He knows you will go to your mother for assistance or your best friend or your neighbour but eventually you realize that no one can help you except Him. Now look at all these problems you are whining about. See how God loves you? See how much He wants you to talk to Him? See how much He wants you to seek help from Him? For He is more than ready to help you! He is just waiting for you to call unto Him. What are you waiting for buddy?!

With that said, please rub off those tears. Please be patient. Please have faith in God. Please believe in yourself. Do your best and let destiny take you places. Do not under-value yourself. Be happy and grateful with the good things in your life. Do not worry too much over what's going to happen next. Let the flow flow! Keep talking to Him and you'd be amazed what great plans He has for you. Better things coming buddy! In shaa Allah. Now don't let that smile fade from your face. You just don't know how pretty it makes you look! 

WHAT IS EID WITHOUT CHILDREN?!

Photo courtesy: lifeinmombasa.com

Celebration season comes with a lot of merry but we will all agree that without children, our events just seem incomplete. It is always very interesting to see cute and sweet children everywhere with those banana smiles full of excitement.

Since time immemorial, children would always anticipate such an event, get excited over their new clothes for the occasion and would go to the extent of hiding the clothes till the D-day as if a thief would take it away from them. When the day finally comes, we would be the first ones to wake up without our mothers having to drag us out of the bed like on school days. We would be anxious to bathe quickly and be fully dressed before anyone else and start showing off how pretty we look. The most interesting part of all this affair though is going visiting relatives whereby the children are keen enough to ensure that they greeted every single relative in order to get ‘good cash.’ I remember during my childhood when my older siblings would get more cash and my mother would always console me that when I grew up things would get better. Only to realize that, the older you grew, the less you are given. This however has been changing in generations and the lucky, remained so. Before the end of the day, the children would all huddle together; the siblings, cousins, neighbours and each would start boasting of the money in their pockets and of the long lists of things they would buy. Trust me, children turn into very skillful accountants on this day!

The unique thing in our coast region though, is the gwaride that goes round different parts of old town and Mombasa with their musical instrument as they move from one household to another. The team is quite interesting and entertaining in their red and white uniforms, sometimes red, blue and black uniforms, some in ugly masks as the trumpets and drums calls for attention everywhere. You would never miss a group of children following behind and jumping up and down to the rhythm of the drums. My very young niece was there singing all time ‘mama nataka gwaride! Mama nataka gwaride!’ and could barely eat well at the anticipation of the gwaride.

What follows next after the gwaride is the ‘makadara’ chorus by the children whereby they would whine and whine until they get a volunteer to take them to the swings playground at makadara grounds. This has been an old tradition at the coast and for the children, eid is not eid without going to makadara. The playgrounds would stay for as long as a week so that everyone equally has a chance to enjoy their days in the playgrounds.

With all that, eid would not be all that interesting without all these pretty children everywhere. If we imagine a scenario without them, then the adults would probably just visit the elders and just after having their lunch, they would probably go back to their beds for a nap. So cheers to all the cute children who just make our days!

ALHAMDULILAH FOR ISLAM #WEEK 3 CHALLENGE

Alhamdulilah third week is already over and Ramadhan is quickly winding up. For the past week the challenge was making up a list for the things we are grateful for in Islam.

DAY 15: When you see people like Trump you really gotta thank God for Islam. There is so much fasad in the current world, so many people fighting against Islam and doing kufr. Isn't it such a blessing that in this century to be a Muslim? Alhamdulilah ala ne3matil Islam. Alhamdulilah for being born in Islam and for growing up within a Muslim family. May Allah make us die in Islam too ya Rab.

DAY 16: I read the qur'an and I feel amazed. Subhanallah there is so much scientific knowledge, miracles and predictions that took years before modern world scientists identified. For example the formation of a baby, how each human being has their own fingerprints, the barrier between salty water and fresh water oceans they meet but never mix, the benefits we can get from cattle and many others. But one amazing miracle of the qur'an that I just learnt lately is from surat Iqra, ayah 15-16 "Nay! If he (abu Jahl) ceases not, we will catch him by the forelock. A lying, sinful forelock." The area of the front cerebrum in the brain (forelock) is responsible for planning, motivating and initiating good and sinful behaviour and is responsible for the telling of lies and speaking of truth. Thus it is proper to describe the front of the head as lying and sinful when someone commits a sin. Scientists have only discovered these functions of the prefrontal area in the last sixty years yet the qur'an mentions this more than 1400 years ago. Alhamdulilah for this great knowledge. Let's read the qur'an and understand it. There is just so much for us to learn.

DAY 17: We had a prophet true in his nature, kind in his dealings. His character was the qur'an and became a role model to us. He taught us to be kind to the poor, to cherish our wives, to grow in unity, to fight for Allah, to be humble to our parents. When we check the hadiths of the prophet and the history, there is nothing left un-turned. The prophet taught us even the smallest of details of life; how to behave in the washroom, how to eat, how to drink, how to live with our spouses, how to treat animals and our neighbours, how to behave in all situations subhanallah. Alhamdulilah for such a role model. Alhamdulilah for all that he taught us that shaped our behaviour and character.

DAY 18: There are so many Muslim scholars who discovered and made great inventions that are used to date. Philosophers like Abu Nasr Al-Farabi who wrote one hundred books whose topics ranged from ethics, politics, Music, sociology, metaphysics and natural science. His ideas influenced several other known Muslim thinkers like Ibn Sina (Avicenna), Al-Razi (Rhazes), Ibn Rushd (Averroes) and Ibn Khaldun. They were geniuses great scholars that explored different subjects just like Al-Farabi. They made a remarkable history in Mathematics, medicine, physics, philosophy and many other fields. These philosophers transmitted the scientific and philosophical wealth of ancient Greece and made substantial improvements and additions to this knowledge by their own independent work. Alhamdulilah for such amazing personalities in Islam. Alhamdulilah for the Muslim geniuses that made and are still leaving a mark in the current world.

DAY 19: Islam has come with so many stories of past prophets, the pious people, the oppressive kings, the sinful societies. It has come with so many life lessons for us such that we can learn from them. But most of all, we learn from how our prophets struggled and how they were tested; prophet Ayub's long ailment, prophet Nuh's son drowning right in front of him, prophet Lut's wife turning into a rock, prophet Muhammad and his sahaba's tough journey in spreading Islam etc...we learn to be patient. We learn to accept Allah's destiny and have faith in Him always. These stories are brought down such that our hearts can be at ease and at peace for what He has tested us with. There are so many moral lessons to learn from these stories. Alhamdulilah for the hope Allah keeps giving us from them.

DAY 20: Being a woman I am grateful to be a Muslim. I am thankful at how Islam has elevated the status of women, at how we are the queens, the daughters and the wives. At how the jannah lies under our feet when we become mothers and how we can be the reason our fathers go to jannah and our husbands too. I am thankful that Islam eliminated the jahiliyyah traditions of undermining the women and burying of girl babies. Islam has made it possible for women to inherit and to own their own wealth and to be the greatest teachers, role models and influencers of all time. Alhamdulilah for being a Muslim woman.

DAY 21: Alhamdulilah for a Merciful God for granting us such a month like this of Ramadhan. Alhamdulilah for all the chances that He gives us so that we can correct ourselves, repent with no limits, spread humanity and love each other honestly. Subhanallah. I mean, how Merciful is our Lord to give us such a flawless month where satan is locked away and gives you all the energy so that you can talk to Him and He, listens to you always? Alhamdulilah for Ramadhan. It is indeed one of the great blessings of Islam.

As we go into the final week of Ramadhan I would like to kindly ask you to remember me in your duas, I will forever be grateful for that. May Allah accept our duas, grant us guidance and the love of Islam. May He grant us the peace of the heart and love of akhirah. 

Next week in shaa Allah the topic is Alhamdulilah for everything. Till next week, stay safe, keep thanking Allah and may Allah bless you. Ameen 😊

ZAKAT AND SADAQA IN QUEUES?

Photo Courtesy: http://productivemuslim.com

It is these times that Muslims are giving in charity abundantly,humanity levels are at the peak. Kindness is probably an understatement and you could be awed at how everyone is going an extra mile to help those in need. This is one of my favourite times. It is indeed the last ten days of Ramadhan.

People differ in how they offer the sadaqa and zakat but of late, some Muslims have made it a trend to make a call-out that they will be giving zakat/sadaqa on a certain day. On these days, you would see women huddled with their children and men, old and young standing outside the premises awaiting the 'promised package'. They would wait as long as it takes, so long as they get the flour,oil, sugar and other necessities. People are hungry, they would do anything to get that package. People are jobless, they would do anything to get something to feed their families. You see the queues of people waiting and you know how much people are desperately in need. Some would say, Kenyans just like whatever is free whatever it may cost them. Quite true but nonetheless we can never totally disagree that majority are genuinely poor. It is quite a heart breaking sight when you see them standing, seated, squatting under the scorching sun, some with crying babies and tired children waiting for the 500, 1000 shillings or the package. But have we ever kept ourselves in their shoes?

I have never really known whether what is being given is sadaqa or zakat. Whether it is announced that people should come or leakage of information that leads those crowds of people to the premises. Whatever the case, the method used in sharing this zakat or even if it is sadaqa is quite depressing. If the people responsible in giving the sadaqa/zakat are not the ones who called out for people to come over then there must be leakage of information on their plans and thus the queues of people. Because people just can't walk miles and miles in crowds or queues if they didn't hear the grapevine and the rumours that this person at this place will be giving out this and that. Or perhaps it is just a bad trend amongst the people to crowd themselves up? Allahu a3lam. 

I'm just assuming the rich are the ones who give information on such plans or they have made the poor get accustomed to such sadaqa traditions over the years and thus the automated numbers of people appearing at the same place year in year out. If it is indeed so, then a lot has to be considered.

This woman with her child or this old man is probably coming from South Coast or Kilifi or even farther areas like Changamwe. Most probably he/she came by foot because they are not about to waste money for fare. We all know how our heat is here in Mombasa. And even if it is any other place, the distances these people walk is not a joke honestly. They come and find the 'earlier birds' have already arrived. It's a huge crowd already. He thought he was early but in this case, it is first come first serve. Survival is for the fittest. He might spend the entire day roaming around the place waiting for the package. This man might have wasted a whole day of work where he would have probably earned 1500 shillings while you give them only 1000. Even if he was going to get the EXACT amount or even more from you, he wouldn't be humiliated in such a way. 

Many people take these things really for granted but please think about it. When you call out to people that you will be giving out sadaqa and people; very poor people desperately come to your place, not knowing the exact time or anything. They 'just heard' you will be giving out something, and 'something' is such a great deal for them. Have you really thought about the struggle they go through to get to your place? Waiting for hours? With all this heat and tired children on their backs?

You know, we keep saying we want jannah. We want to be in the same jannah like Umar ibn Khattab and Hamza and Fatima Azahra and Aisha Radhiya Llahu 3anhum. We want to be in the same heaven with the prophet and with people who were killed for Islam, with people who sacrificed their entire wealth Fi sabiliLlah. With people who used to take sadaqa to the doorsteps of the poor. With people who fought with the prophet peace be upon him. How by God? How do we expect to be in the same jannah with them while we humiliate people? When we make people make queues to get what is their haq from you? Even if not intentionally, aren't you supposed to do unto others what you would prefer for yourself? How do we even dream of being in the same jannah with the sahabas and prophets??!

Let us not try to justify ourselves. If we can afford to give zakah to a random number every year then we can very well afford to actually go to South Coast, work along with the local imams in giving out to those who are really needy and just lazy beggars. And even if one is sick or unable to get there himself then he can probably afford to hire reliable people to do it on his behalf.

We keep forgetting that every single step we take towards these poor people the more the rewards for us. It is not a must that you feed 1000 people for you to feel satisfied with your sadaqa or zakat. You can as well do big projects for ten people such that they don't have to come to you again the next year. If we REALLY want jannah then we must go out of our comfort zone. We must work hard and feel the pain of people. What we give in queues does not mean is any less valuable. No that's not what I am saying. It does not mean that I am not aware of the bad begging habits in our Coast and Kenya in general. It does not mean I am underestimating anyone's approach of giving sadaqa and zakat. God knows I am not being judgemental here and may He forgive me if i'm making wrong assumptions..all I meant to say is; please when giving out what you have remember that these people are human beings like you. Don't just take their desperation to your advantage and let them struggle to get what you had in store for them. Put yourself in their shoes. Do unto them what you would have wanted if you were in their place. Not meaning to step on anyone's toes; Allahu a3laam.