LEAVE THE SKELETONS WHERE THEY BELONG

Back in university one of the ladies in our lot got pregnant in the middle of the semester. Or at least that's when her belly started revealing. The lady was very quiet and reserved. She wasn't a Muslim but she always seemed decent. Soon as her pregnancy became vivid, some of my mates started saying, 'See she was acting all innocent but now she's been exposed.' I thought about it to myself for a moment and I said, 'But that's not fair.' I mean, for the years that I knew the lady there was no single day she declared herself 'innocent' nor was there any day that I saw her pointing fingers and slandering others for their wrongdoings. There was no day that she acted or even spoke like she was 'holier than thou'. How was it really fair to slander someone when they slip just because they weren't openly showing their horns or posting it up on social media for the whole world to see?

See, wrong is wrong however we try to sugarcoat it. But there's always more to the story. The world we live in at the moment is the kind that expects you to put up your dirty laundry outside on broad daylight in the name of 'I am being myself. At least I don't pretend.'

I once had a conversation with a lady who was talking about her personal situation and some sort of scheme she was plotting. Okay, no judgement whatsoever. But then the conversation rolled on to a point where she said, 'Hawa wakimya ndio nawaheshimu. Utaona hakuna innocent kama wao then just one day they shock you to the peak with their actions.'

I mean, where did this mentality come from? That one should either be openly sinning and making mistakes or be the perfect angel as we see you. Where was it written that exposing your mistakes makes you any better than the one who doesn't? Or that the one who doesn't is a hypocrite? Isn't it silly that we consider the reserved, seemingly pious people to be 120% right, 360 degrees all round perfect?! Like 'Oh my God, he is PERRR-VECT, nur ala nur :D

Really bro?!

We see it all the time. With sheikhs, famous people and colleagues. Someone does a mistake that is exposed and poof! Everyone has a reaction and an opinion and we just blow it completely out of proportion because 'they were hypocrites all along'. That same thing, if it were to be done by anyone else we would go on with our lives like nothing happened. But hey! this is so and so...we have to break the internet about it.

We come out each day showing people our displeasing actions because we want people to see us for who we are and accept us as is. But in the process of doing that, we unveil any sense of shame left within us because the moment someone approaches us to humbly correct us we are so quick to say, 'Don't judge me' or 'You shouldn't judge me.' The same goes to those who openly reveal the good that they do and slander everyone else who isn't like what they perceive themselves.

Truth is that there is no angel. There is no one who can look back and confidently say, 'I am perfect or sinless'. We are all struggling with something, whether it is visible or not, we are. Even the best of sheikhs and the people we consider our role models. We all have skeletons hidden in our wardrobe and chapters of our lives we don't read out loud. There are people we have harmed or caused pain, whether intentionally or not, we have. So the next time a certain sheikh or role model does a mistake and the internet family actively discuss about him/her, remember that they too are human beings. They wrong just as you do. The mistakes or sins may be different but they are still there. And just because you can't see them, doesn't mean you should forget that they too have flaws and weaknesses and things they are not proud of.

Fair enough, you'd probably be disappointed because you looked up to them but never allow that to overshadow your judgment on who can or can't sin and who should/shouldn't be forgiven.

Most importantly, don't let the current world push you to exposing your sins in the fear of people having overly high expectations on you. You being ashamed about your mistakes and sins is the first step to repentance. Or how else do you expect to sincerely repent after posting it on your social media page with your sparkling smile as you sin?!

Abu Hurayrah (radi Allahu anhu) reported that the Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said, “Every one of my followers will be forgiven except those who expose (openly) their wrongdoings. An example of this is that of a man who commits a sin at night which Allah has covered for him, and in the morning, he would say (to people): ‘I committed such and such sin last night’ while Allah had kept it a secret. During the night Allah has covered it up but in the morning he tears up the cover provided by Allah Himself.” [Sahih al-Bukhari and Muslim]

There is a famous story of the sahabi Nuayman ‘ibn Amr Al-Ansari RA who was known to have issues with alcohol. Despite knowing the ruling of Islam towards the intoxicating drink, Nuayman RA struggled with breaking his addiction, and was flogged twice for drinking. Upon the second flogging, ‘Umar RA who was angered by Nuayman’s RA behaviour quipped, “La ‘nat Allah alayhi – may God’s curse be on him”. The Prophet Muhammad (S), upon hearing this, was quick to intervene, “No, no, don’t do (such a thing). Indeed he loves God and His Apostle. The major sin (as this) does not put one outside the community and the mercy of God is close to the believers.” Watch the full story on Nuayman here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7TCCzKs3-bo

The reason I shared his story is because it should be a reminder that even the sahabis did sin and mistakes too yet that didn't make them to be regarded any less than the believers they were. The difference with us is how much they really regretted their acts and most importantly, how the prophet treated the believers who sinned; without despising them or shunning them off.

Once a young man came to the Prophet ﷺ requesting from the Prophet to grant this man permission to have sex outside of marriage. The people were shocked and were trying to silence his question. The Prophet ﷺ asked him a series of questions. “Would you like it for your mom?” He ﷺ continued to ask if this man would like it for his daughter, sister or other female relatives. The man continually responded in the negative, intellectually convinced by the logical argument of the Prophet ﷺ. Finally, the Prophet placed his blessed hand on the man and prayed to God, “Dear God! May you forgive his sins, purify his heart and make him chaste.” And it is narrated that this man never got involved in what he was requesting after this experience with the Prophet.

Ibn Mas`ud (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: A man kissed a woman. So he came to the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) and informed him about it. Then Allah revealed this Ayah: "And perform the Salat, between the two ends of the day and in some hours of the night. Verily, the good deeds efface the evil deeds (i.e., minor sins).'' (11:114) The man asked the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) whether this applies to him only. The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "It applies to all of my Ummah.'' [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

Now imagine if these situations happened today and the people involved were maybe known to be pious or God-fearing; how would we react then?! How would we respond to them? Wouldn't we be the first ones to label them as hypocrites and a disgrace to the Muslim community? Wouldn't it be a big scandal that we'd talk about for days on?! The prophet p.b.u.h corrected them and prayed for them instead. We should also keep in mind that we'd never know how much a person regrets their actions, feels extremely guilty and cries for repentance every night. Be merciful upon others just like you'd want others to be with you if you were in the same position. Never say 'I'd never do that or say that' because honestly, life is the scariest thing to be too sure about. Tables turn every.single.day.

This of course isn't a justification for anyone's wrongdoings. Nor should it be an excuse and an easy gateway for people to sin secretly in the hope that Allah (S.W) will cover our tracks. Also, this differs according to the sin/mistake in hand. Cases like rape, sodomy, molestation, harassment, murder or any other grave sin may need a call for justice upon the doer so as to protect others from him/her or to remove them from a certain position.

Allah (S.W) surely knows what is in our hearts and what we struggle with to change and our intentions behind all our actions. Don't expose your sins but also try with all your being to keep away from them.

Ibn al-Qayyim Rahimahu Llah said : 'Know that if people are impressed with you, they are impressed with the beauty of Allah's covering of your sins.'

Thank Allah (S.W) when He protects the world from seeing the darkness within you. Thank Allah when He guides you. Thank Allah when He grants you a chance to sincerely repent.

May Allah (S.W) protect us from the whispering of shaitan and from our own nafs and guide us together with all our loved ones. Ameen.

P.S Leave the skeletons where they belong; in the wardrobe (not literally, but you get me right? )

SELF-LOVE, NARCISSISM AND THE LINE IN BETWEEN

For quite some time, people were drowning in self-pity and throwing pity party for themselves due to low self-esteem. Social media became the voice of all the people trying to fit in, breaking and self-loathing. It became our dearest diary, so we spoke up. We talked of our deepest pain and how we wish we could be like so and so, look like so and so, dress like so and so, have partners like so and so...Slowly with time, the social media power gave people a chance to appreciate themselves, love how they are without having to necessarily to fit in. Different became the new trend. It was all good at first. Emotional support from people we barely know, a chance to know people who are like us...until finally, FINALLY, we learnt to embrace ourselves. It was great! Self-love rocks no doubt. But something else happened too. We now became overly-obsessed with ourselves. And as the saying goes, 'Too much of anything is poisonous.'

We don't want anyone correcting us, we don't want anyone to put a mirror in front of us and show us the darkness eating our insides like worms. We became the untouchables. Me above Everyone else. Me as flawless as I am. Me being perfect. Look, look at the particles of empathy slip between our fingers. Look at kindness being the toilet rag. Look at appreciation breaking into a thousand glass pieces. Look at forgiveness flying with the wind. While we were showering ourselves with all this love we desperately needed, we over-stepped a bit. We became too blinded and eventually did not recognize the beast we have created within ourselves with Social media being our partner in crime.This beast is called Narcissism.

Narcissism: extreme selfishness, with a grandiose view of one's own talents and a craving for admiration, as characterizing a personality type.

Don't get me wrong, self-love is so beautiful and uplifting for the soul but when we let it infest our brains like mites, we become arrogant. We become selfish (not in the good way). We look down upon others who are on a different journey from ours and disregard and call names to anyone trying to advise us. We idolize ourselves too much to the extent we disrespect other people.There's a thin line between self-love and Narcissism, and majority of us have crossed it.

So we became these people who can't be told anything, unapproachable and inhumane. We speak and treat people recklessly in the name of loving ourselves. The thing with people is that they don't forget. They don't forget how good or bad or even how indifferent you were to them. And you might be so surprised how something small you did to a person years back may result to them helping you in a difficult situation or decide to do the total opposite.

{Worship God alone and do not associate with Him any partners. Be kind to your parents and near of kin, to orphans, the needy, the neighbor who is related to you and the neighbor who is a stranger, the friend by your side, the wayfarer, and those whom your right hands possess. God does not love those who are arrogant and boastful.} (Qur'an: 4: 36)

A simple example, I know of this lady during campus who was staying at the hostels and one time needed help fixing her room plug which wasn't functioning. So she asked the campus guard for help and he did fix it. Some other girls were really surprised that he had actually helped because they had just a few days asked him for help and he didn't offer any help. They asked the lady jokingly why he favoured her and she said, 'I usually greet him every time I pass by the gate' And that was just it. She greeted him and he appreciated it more than she personally imagined.

Have you for example ever seen the reaction of a non staff, like the school cook or guard or cleaner when you coincidentally bump into them after you are done with school and actually recognize who they are and greet them? They most probably would give you a glowing smile, not necessarily because of the greeting but mostly because you remembered who they are. They really appreciate you for it. And that's how it always is with people. Your simple act of kindness and respect goes a long way.

Right now most of us thump our chests and say, 'I don't need anyone. Kwani who are they to me? Hawanilishi hawanivishi' Well, it may be true they don't feed or clothe you but that doesn't make you any better than them or them any lesser than who you are. People keep pumping it to us that we shouldn't listen to what others tell us. That this is your life, do as you wish. You are not accountable to anyone nor does anyone have the right to question your behaviour. But where do we draw the line between self-love, our self-efficacy, our independence and straight up disrespect and narcissism?

Self-efficacy is an individual's belief in his or her innate ability to achieve goals. 

 "And do not walk upon the earth exultantly. Indeed, you will never tear the earth [apart], and you will never reach the mountains in height." (Surah Israa: verse 37)

I agree that certainly there are circumstances whereby one needs to disregard what others say about you. Like when they make you feel inferior or paint you in an unrecognizable way. Like when people try to stop you from achieving your goals or being who you truly are. Nonetheless, bad behaviours shouldn't be romanticized with, 'This is who I am so like me as I am or leave'. Like really?!

I purposely highlighted bad habits because I don't want the statement to be misunderstood. Yes, none of us is perfect. We all have personality flaws and bad behaviours. But the only time we are justified to ask people to accept us for who we are is when we are trying to be better and working on ourselves, NOT as we continue disrespecting other people or the bad habits we have.

Remember the advice of Luqman Al Hakim to his son:

[And Luqman said], "O my son, indeed if wrong should be the weight of a mustard seed and should be within a rock or [anywhere] in the heavens or in the earth, Allah will bring it forth. Indeed, Allah is Subtle and Acquainted.O my son, establish prayer, enjoin what is right, forbid what is wrong, and be patient over what befalls you. Indeed, [all] that is of the matters [requiring] determination.And do not turn your cheek [in contempt] toward people and do not walk through the earth exultantly. Indeed, Allah does not like everyone self-deluded and boastful.And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys." (Surah Luqman: 16-19)

Don't allow this temporary world make you be egoistic, boastful, inconsiderate and impolite because truly, you never know who will benefit you eventually. So treat people as you would want to be treated.

Be kind. Respect others. Love yourself within limits and enough to accept your mistakes and work on being better. Treat others as you would want to be treated. Because yes, what goes around comes around. In Arabic we say, 'Kama tadin tudan' to mean 'What you do unto others will eventually be done on you too!'

***

Abu Darda (RA) reported that Rasulullah (SAW) said, “Nothing is weightier on the Scale of Deeds than one’s good manners.”(Al-Bukhari)

TWELVE KINDS OF WOMEN YOU MEET AT THE OFFICE

If you want to study human behavior and connection, a work place is the best to do your ‘karesearch’. When it is about women, it even gets more interesting because hey! We are all different shades of the same species. Maybe that’s why you will never hear the men say, ‘all women are the same’. We range from the weird to the witty to the sly to the shy. The list is endless. Here are a few personalities you might meet at the office.

1. The loyal one: Ma’am has been working here for the past ten years and she doesn’t seem to be leaving any time soon. She knows everything about everything including where the boss’ extra pair of socks is kept and the days to keep off the washroom from its pungent smell. She knows all the dirty and success secrets that could earn her a high position in another competing company but she is loyal remember? She is married to the company and has been faithful through thick and thin as per the vows. She has seen employees come and leave as she graciously watches. She is the ‘last woman standing’.

2. The Queen Bee: The fashionista; the lady with three other pairs of shoes under her desk, each for a different occasion or purpose. The lady you keep asking, ‘hizi perfume zako tutazipata wapi? She has an attitude that matches her looks; fierce and bold. She knows her way around the office and work just as she does with her hair. Beauty with brains ay!

3. THEE introvert: She is quiet most of the times and you probably know nothing about her apart from her name and her post at the office. It isn’t until she has to sign a form that you rush to her desk to ask, ‘Haiya! Kwani you are married?!’ ‘Yes, I even have a two year old kid’ she responds. This could be someone you’ve worked with for more than six months yet you remain oblivious of who they really are. She is still a mystery.

4. The happy-go-lucky: She has this extra-ordinary charm and energy that amuses everyone. You just don’t understand where it all comes from. She is joyous, even on Monday morning; the long dreadful Monday, the miserable Monday. Yep! She will still have something to be all flowery about. She is the kind who shouts ‘hiiii’ to everyone and readily offers free hugs. You possibly would envy her free spirit.

5. Care-free one: She doesn’t really care how everyone thinks of her or even of her dress code. One day she is dashing and gorgeous and the next, she comes with her big unkempt hair like a crown on her head while wearing the same top she wore the previous day. Her schedule is unpredictable because she is in office for two days before disappearing for the rest of the week. No one really questions her because well, she delivers! Her work is on point and the management don’t want to lose her.

6. The story-teller: She’s the first one you’d notice upon entering the office. She is loud and never lacks a story to tell. It would either be a hot gossip story or what happened to her mother in law or just complaining about this or that. She gracefully works from one desk to another with her cup of tea and a snack, creating conversations with anyone who can spare her some minutes. The office is probably boring without her because the pin-drop silence is not your norm anymore.

7. The manipulative one: She knows your weak point and also for everyone else in the office. She is cunning and knows how to take advantage of others, sometimes while you remain unaware of her tricks. She can get you to do her work, to cover up for her mistakes or her absence or entirely throw the blame at you when she is obviously the one at wrong. She can play you at your own game and you won’t even know what hit you.

8. Mother Theresa 2: She is helpful, kind and very reliable. She keeps her word and keeps time. She is loving and lovable and that automatically makes her an easy target for manipulation. Her compassionate self is soon turned into a door mat as people take advantage of her humble self that is hesitant to ever say no.

9. The lazy one: Never keeps time. Never finishes the work. Never takes responsibility. Never keeps promises. Just never…The rest of you are still wondering how she is in the payroll to date.

10. Employee of the year: She is witty, smart and creative. The office regard her highly because her brain spills wisdom and spells intelligence. She is strategic and determined in her work. The management value her presence and thoughts because they definitely know she is the gem of the office.

11. The grumpy one: Always in a bad mood; sulky and snobby. Makes you wonder whether her hormones are super active. She is careless with words and any client would definitely appreciate not being served by her. She is just not approachable.

12. The newbie: She is young, fresh and green. Oblivious of the work environment, she is passionate and determined to impress everyone in the office. She bows down to the rest of employees and serves them tea if she has to. She has the energy and is not ready to let anyone kill her spirit. She has goals and will do anything to get to where she wants to. While the rest of you watch her and say, ‘atachoka tu’, the girl is keenly drawing her map to the top.

While the office might be an interesting place and a good second home for some, it also serves as a great learning hub. This includes interpersonal skills and how to deal with very diverse personalities that you may come across in your life. This is where you learn who to avoid, who is toxic to you and who to keep close like a gem. This is where you learn that people are never the same and for you to survive in your career, you need to establish who is who. That said, who are you from the above mentioned?

THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STORY: SAIDA

There is this murder case documentary that I came across around last year, which was named the most mysterious murder case in India: The double murder of Aarushi Talwar and Hemraj Banjade. So many documentaries have been made on the case and a movie was done too, that's just how mysterious the murder case was. Just to give you context, here is a summary of the case.

A 13 year old girl called Aarushi Talwar was murdered in her room on May 2008; her throat slit and her head hit. The murder happened while her parents were in the next room sleeping. The initial suspect was a 45 year old Hemraj Banjade who was the live-in domestic worker and was missing when Aarushi was found. However, Hemraj was found murdered the next day at the terrace. The next main suspects became the parents because the crime scene was tampered with and there was no evidence. Since the parents were dentists and had medical experience, the investigators alleged that that gave them the know-how to distort evidence. Another group of investigators however, suspected that three other servants of the Talwar family had killed Aarushi after an attempted sexual assault, and Hemraj for being a witness. The CBI was accused of using dubious methods to extract a confession, and all the three men were released after it could not find any solid evidence against them. The parents became the circumstantial suspects and eventually convicted in 2013 and given life imprisonment. However, on 12 October 2017, the court acquitted them, calling the evidence against them unsatisfactory and severely criticising the police, CBI and the media for not having investigated the murder properly. The case remains unsolved...read the full story here...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2008_Noida_double_murder_case

This case had so many twists and turns, assumptions and made-up conclusions.The only thing we know to date is that we may never know if the teenage girl and house servant ever got justice or if it ever will. I kept reviewing the different videos documented on the case because that's what mystery does. It pushes you to find answers.

Aarushi Talwar's case aside, when Saida Abdulrahman went missing, I was worried. I bet we all were and that may probably be an understatement. So I won't pretend to be the noble human being who didn't react to the news that 'her pregnancy was fake'. I was pissed! It was a big shock. I remember telling my mother about the mentioned twist of events on the news just when she was about to sleep. After informing her, she sat upright on the bed, speechless with all her sleep gone. Relatable? I bet it is. For so many of us. I had invested too much emotions on her kidnapping, I wanted to demand for answers as well. We deserve to know what exactly happened. We had become part of the family.

Why I started with Aarushi's story you wonder? After listening to several documentaries about it, I sat for a moment and wondered, if her parents are indeed innocent, how difficult must it be to lose their only child in such a cruel way and end up being jailed for it? How devastating is that? We wouldn't entirely rule out the parents as suspects. Maybe they did it but maybe they didn't. What if they didn't. How do they live after that? Their honour rubbed on the ground, their careers ruined, their life turned upside down and their child gone too...picture that for a moment. Devastating.

I am not taking sides here. I won't say she played us or she really said the truth. We may never know if Saida is really innocent or not. Her actions may not be justifiable. Maybe not even forgivable. But what if...just what if, she is really saying the truth? What if injustice was really done to her? It is hard I know, the pieces don't add up, a lot doesn't make sense. But what if there is indeed a proper explanation to all that happened? Don't ask me why they haven't given that explanation then, because for all we know, they are also in a desperate need for an explanation themselves.

So here's me trying to give her the benefit of doubt. Here's me saying she is innocent till proven guilty. I guess my conscious would rather somehow try to be satisfied with her word rather than scorn her only to eventually know she was actually a victim as well.

Fun fact: Did you know that there is a mental disorder called "Pseudocyesis which can cause many of the signs and symptoms of pregnancy, and often resembles the condition in every way except for the presence of a fetus? The symptoms of pseudocyesis are similar to the symptoms of true pregnancy and are often hard to distinguish from such natural signs of pregnancy as morning sickness, tender breasts, and weight gain. Many health care professionals can be deceived by the symptoms associated with pseudocyesis. Abdominal distension is the most common physical symptom of pseudocyesis (63– 97% of women are found to experience this). The abdomen expands in the same manner as it does during pregnancy, so that the affected woman looks pregnant. This phenomenon is thought to be caused by buildup of gas, fat, feces, or urine. These symptoms often resolve under general anesthesia and the woman's abdomen returns to its normal size.

Some of the other common signs and symptoms include: gastrointestinal symptoms, breast changes or secretions, labor pains, uterine enlargement, and softening of the cervix. One percent of women eventually experience false labor.

No single theory about the causes of pseudocyesis is universally accepted by mental health professionals. The first theory attributes the false pregnancy to emotional conflict. It is thought that an intense desire to become pregnant, or an intense fear of becoming pregnant, can create internal conflicts and changes in the endocrine system, which may explain some of the symptoms of pseudocyesis. The second theory concerns wish-fulfillment. It holds that if a women desires pregnancy badly enough she may interpret minor changes in her body as signs of pregnancy. The third leading theory is the depression theory, which maintains that chemical changes in the nervous system associated with some depressive disorders could trigger the symptoms of pseudocyesis....read more here: http://www.minddisorders.com/Ob-Ps/Pseudocyesis.html#ixzz5SJqFr6GG

Remember that it was mentioned that Saida underwent a miscarriage before. So what if that really affected her emotionally to the extent it caused the pseudocyesis disorder? What if those who kidnapped her with the hope of getting a child realized this after putting her under anesthesia which led to her stomach deflating and eventually being dropped where she was found? Good theory I know but a possibility too. It may have no basis nor am I trying to give any ideas for the sake of suspense but hey! just trying to give the benefit of doubt here. If we are making up stories against her, we might as well try to think of others that can support her claim.

In yet another article here: https://www.webmd.com/baby/false-pregnancy-pseudocyesis#1 I quote: When a woman feels an intense desire to get pregnant, which may be because of infertility, repeat miscarriages, impending menopause, or a desire to get married, her body may produce some pregnancy signs (such as a swollen belly, enlarged breasts, and even the sensation of fetal movement). The woman's brain then misinterprets those signals as pregnancy, and triggers the release of hormones (such as estrogen and prolactin) that lead to actual pregnancy symptoms.

Some researchers have suggested that poverty, a lack of education, childhood sexual abuse, or relationship problems might play a role in triggering false pregnancy. Having a false pregnancy is not the same as claiming to be pregnant for a benefit (for example, to profit financially), or having delusions of pregnancy (such as in patients with schizophrenia)."

"Delusional disorder, previously called paranoid disorder, is a type of serious mental illness called a "psychosis" in which a person cannot tell what is real from what is imagined. The main feature of this disorder is the presence of delusions, unshakable beliefs in something untrue or not based on reality. People with delusional disorder generally experience non-bizarre delusions, which involve situations that could occur in real life, such as being followed, poisoned, deceived, conspired against, or loved from a distance. These delusions usually involve the misinterpretation of perceptions or experiences. In reality, however, the situations are either not true at all or highly exaggerated. If the delusions could not happen in reality (aliens, television broadcasting your thoughts) then a person might be considered delusional with bizarre-type delusions....Although delusions might be a symptom of more common disorders, such as schizophrenia, delusional disorder itself is rather rare." Read more: https://www.webmd.com/schizophrenia/guide/delusional-disorder#1

Note that Schizophrenia is a psychosis, a type of mental illness in which a person cannot tell what is real from what is imagined. At times, people with psychotic disorders lose touch with reality. The world may seem like a jumble of confusing thoughts, images, and sounds.

So what if Saida's ordeal was actually a psychotic episode which eventually led to the fake pregnancy disorder?...God knows best.

I know of a lady who use to experience weird visions like hallucinations for two years with no medical or even religious explanations to what she was going through. Eventually she started having fits and convulsions which were a symptom of epilepsy. When taken to the specialists, all kind of tests were done yet all her scans and MRI were clear. The doctor even refused to treat her with epileptic medications despite all symptoms showing the same. To date, all the doctors she has seen have never known that it is epilepsy for sure but eventually put her on the medication. Not surprisingly, the epilepsy medication helped her despite no hard proof of the disease. That's just how life is. Some things remain a mystery.

Now I am not a psychiatrist or even a psychologist yet to have a deeper understanding of the disorders I just mentioned. But all I'm saying is, there is a possibility that Saida is indeed a victim, or unaware just like the rest of us. There could be another side of the story that can't be explainable at the moment or maybe even forever. But let's take a pause and think about this girl and her family. What would they be going through if indeed they said what they know? If they are also as desperate for answers? What kind of pain would they be in while many of us are throwing insults at her and her entire family?

Please note that I am not saying that Saida wasn't pregnant or that she is mentally ill. All I'm saying is, there are other possibilities.E.g witch craft, actual kidnapping etc.

Let's just pause with all the assumptions (mine included). Let's just pray that she gets well. If she master-planned this then let us leave God do what is His job. Yes we are bitter about our own involvement in the matter but lets just give the family the much needed peace now. They just had their daughter back, whatever the truth is, whether she is indeed wrong or not, I bet they need the space to process all that happened. Lets give them space. Lets give them the benefit of doubt. May the truth be out.

Did I just crack this case?!!

FOOD OBSESSIONS

I have a confession. A weird one. I am not a foodie. Every time I say this out loud someone exclaims ‘WHAT?! WHO doesn’t love food?!’ Wait a moment. I didn’t say I don’t love food, I’m just not a big fan. Food doesn’t excite me as much as it does to other people and even when I do get excited, it lasts only a few minutes. I could be extremely hungry and complain of my pangs, yet once the food is placed in front of me, I would be the first to leave the table. I feel like food is overrated. But that’s just my opinion right? It takes junk food or something really special for me to properly eat it. So yes, I’m a junkie and I’m sure many people my age are junkies too. Its just a thing nowadays. However, for someone who has had several health issues, I have grown to be conscious of my eating behaviours.

I came to realize that when you are this young you feel all the energy flow in you and you never imagine the worst getting to you. So you eat whatever looks appealing to your eyes. I do know too that we have the weight freaks who are so scared of gaining weight so they diet as they marvel at those who eat and eat whatever they want without gaining weight. Obesity is bad, we all know that but that aside, the food we consume does affect our health even when it isn’t visible on the weighing machine that you keep checking everyday.

In my opinion, social media plays a role in all this food obsession thing. It has been a trend for people to continuously post images of food and restaurants they visit every other day. Most of the times, food posted is junk and I think that many youth have started to believe that junk food potrays class or whatever else people convince themselves. So those watching are drawn to live similar lifestyles and tend to copy the same behaviour of ordering burgers and lots of fries and pizza or whatever else, just so they can have the ‘images for the gram’. I am not saying this applies to everyone but social media without a doubt pressurizes so many youth to adapt behaviours just to fit in.

I have two friends who almost always have sweets or a bar of chocolate or any snack in their bag. It has become a routine for them. Or others would always make a point to buy pizza or fries whenever they go out. So once I asked them, imagine how healthy you’d be if you walked around with an apple or any fruit instead?

The quote that says ‘you are what you eat’ is as true as it can ever be. Most of the time we overlook the long term effect of what goes into our bodies because we are blinded with our seemingly nice and youthful physiques.

If you look around now, almost all the people in their fifties nowadays have knee problems or having to literally drag their feet to walk or have diabetics or blood pressure or being over-weight. It is quite rare to find a fully healthy man or woman with that age. Yet, our grandmothers era would stay maybe until their 70s to start having health complications. I assume that our generation will have complications even at earlier ages of 30s or 40s.

I know I know, nowadays you get whatsapp clips talking how almost everrrything is bad for your health. Rice made of plastic, sugar having mercury, noodles being harmful, dairy milk bars having AIDS virus inserted, sausages made from goats and sheep who were just shoved into a machine before even being slaughtered lol. I mean, I get how annoying it is everytime you crave for something and someone reminds you of that clip that you watched on how a certain food is bad for consumption. But all that aside, we very well know of the ABCs of what is healthy and what is not. Don’t say ‘YOLO’ (You Only Live Once) because trust me, you wouldn’t want to shout YOLO once you are diagnosed with diabetics and your leg has to be amputated or when your child wants to play football with you and you can barely run five minutes without breathing heavily like a pregnant woman.

All I’m saying is, eat responsibly. Know how to balance your meals. You are allowed to have cheat days and treat yourself every once in a while. Your body is like a trust given to you by God so treasure it. Don’t put trash in it. Take care of it as you would care of a house that you are a guest in. Take a walk sometimes. Work out. Drink water oftenly. Sometimes when you are drawn to buy a junk, buy a fruit instead. Train yourself to be food conscious and eat while being fully aware of what you are taking in. You may not realize the benefits of doing this now, but someday definitely, the older you will appreciate this.

This is a reminder to myself first (of course) and to you my dear reader. May God help us in this mission of eating and being healthy. Ameen

THE HUGE BURDEN OF DEBT

I find it quite amusing that the longest verse in the Qur’an is about debt rather than murder and crime or marriage and divorce, or worship or oppression and war or any other matter that we perceive to be huge in our lives. This is how heavy the matter of debt is, quite unexpected right? In our lives we consider debt as this small dismissible issue that doesn’t require our worry. We take loans, borrow money and disappear for years with someone’s wealth until they hopefully forget about it or forgive us. They don’t need it, we say.  They have enough money, what I took is like a drop of the vast ocean, they won’t even feel the loss.

We let people follow us like eagles as we play hide and seek with what is rightfully theirs. We let them beg and pester us endlessly to pay them back. We rub their hearts like sandpaper on wood as they weep for their money, as they sleep hungry, as they pray for justice. We still assume that debt is something as small as the ant, compared to the elephant in the room i.e. bloodshed and crime and divorce. But this one verse commonly known as ayatul dayn, is clear proof that debt is one of the last things you should ignore and underestimate.

When we go for jobs, we ask for contracts because we always need something that can bring us justice when manipulation or injustice happens. One of the hardest lessons I ever learnt is that you must and should write a contract with whoever you have a deal with, whether small or big, whether a family, friend, neighbour or boss especially when it is family because we usually disregard them as being manipulators. Yet it happens; family manipulating family and friends betraying their closest friends. Sometimes you or the lender forget what the initial agreement was and eventually, doubt comes in between you because of the different statements each gives. Remember when Allah (S.W) said in surat Anfal verse 28, ‘And know that your properties and your children are but a trial and that Allah has with Him a great reward.’ Indeed, wealth has been known as one of the biggest matters to break marriages, friendships and even kinship all over time, all over the world. It happens, a lot.

In this longest ayah, surat Baqarah, verse 282, Allah (S.W) gives us a lengthy description on how to conduct financial transactions, about contracts, how to fulfil promises, being God-conscious and the importance of witnesses.

‘O you who have believed, when you contract a debt for a specified term, write it down. And let a scribe write [it] between you in justice. Let no scribe refuse to write as Allah has taught him. So let him write and let the one who has the obligation dictate. And let him fear Allah, his Lord, and not leave anything out of it. But if the one who has the obligation is of limited understanding or weak or unable to dictate himself, then let his guardian dictate in justice. And bring to witness two witnesses from among your men. And if there are not two men [available], then a man and two women from those whom you accept as witnesses - so that if one of the women errs, then the other can remind her. And let not the witnesses refuse when they are called upon. And do not be [too] weary to write it, whether it is small or large, for its [specified] term. That is more just in the sight of Allah and stronger as evidence and more likely to prevent doubt between you, except when it is an immediate transaction which you conduct among yourselves. For [then] there is no blame upon you if you do not write it. And take witnesses when you conclude a contract. Let no scribe be harmed or any witness. For if you do so, indeed, it is [grave] disobedience in you. And fear Allah . And Allah teaches you. And Allah is Knowing of all things.’

A few things we learn from this ayah is that:

• Financial transactions, debts and agreements are NOT a small matter as we usually perceive.
• It is very important to write down any transactions however small or big or even how much you trust another person.
• Every person should dictate what his terms are.
• The writer of the agreement must be a third party; an honest person with integrity.
• The writer must write with all fairness and justice and use clear, precise words.
• When one can’t dictate his terms due to young age or feeble-minded or is unable to do so for any reason, his guardian or trustee may do it on his behalf.
• Witnesses are required when making a deal just in case one of you forgets or tries to manipulate another.
• Witnesses are required to be two trusted men and if not available then one man and two women so that if one of the women errs, then the other can remind her.
• Witnesses should not refuse to give evidence when required to.
• All those involved in the transaction must be God conscious and not manipulate the other.
• No harm must come either to the document writer or to the witnesses and their rights must be observed.
• If a transaction is occurring in the present moment then it isn’t wrong if they don’t write it down.

In the verse that follows, Allah (S.W) says: ‘And if you are on a journey and cannot find a scribe, then a security deposit [should be] taken. And if one of you entrusts another, then let him who is entrusted discharge his trust [faithfully] and let him fear Allah, his Lord. And do not conceal testimony, for whoever conceals it - his heart is indeed sinful, and Allah is Knowing of what you do.’

In this ayah we learn the validity of mortgage (pledge) commonly known as ‘Rehani’ with the proper Islamic rules. In a narration by Aisha peace be upon her: The prophet peace be upon him bought some food stuff on credit for a limited period and mortgaged his armour’ (Sahih Bukhari: Vol. 3, hadith No. 686)

To further show the emphasis given to debt, here are a few hadiths on the subject:

The Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) said: “The soul of the believer is held hostage by his debt in his grave until it is paid off.” Tirmidhi,

Explaining this hadeeth al-Suyooti said: “It (soul) is detained and kept from reaching its noble destination. Al-‘Iraaqi said: “No judgment is passed as to whether it will be saved or doomed until it is determined whether his debt will be paid off or not.”

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2929 Narrated by Muhammad ibn Abdullah ibn Jahsh, The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: By Him in whose hand Muhammad's soul is, if a man were to be killed in Allah's path then come to life, be killed again in Allah's path then come to life, and be killed once more in Allah's path then come to life owing a debt, he would not enter Paradise till his debt was paid." This is how serious the matter of debt is.

Another beautiful story on paying a debt is related in Sahih Al-Bukhari from Abu Hurairah (May Allah be satisfied with him) from Allah’s Messenger (May Allah exalt his mention and protect him from imperfection): A man from the Children of Israel asked another man from the Children of Israel to lend him 1000 dinars, and he answered, “Bring witnesses who will bear witness (to this transaction).” The first man said, “Allah is enough as a Witness.” He said, “Then bring me a guarantor.” He said, “Allah is enough as a Guarantor.” The man said, “You have spoken the truth.”

He gave him the money for a fixed term. The debtor travelled by sea and when he fulfilled the purpose of his journey, he was looking for a ship that he could board and return on to pay the debt at the appointed time. However, he was not able to find a ship, so he took a piece of wood, pierced it, and thrust into it 1000 dinars along with a letter to the creditor. Then he took it to the ocean.

He said, “O Allah, You know that I borrowed 1000 dinars from such and such person, and he asked me for a guarantor. I said: Allah is enough as a Guarantor. He was pleased with You, and he also asked for a witness. I said: Allah is enough as a Witness, and he was pleased with You (as a Witness). And I have not been able to find a ship on which I could send him that which is due to him, so indeed I trust it to you.”

He threw the piece of wood into the ocean until it was swallowed by it, and then he went away. He then continued to search for a boat on which he could return to his country. The creditor went out looking – perhaps a boat would come with his wealth. He found a piece of wood – in which was the money – and he took it to his family as firewood. When he broke the wood open, he found the money and the letter.

Then the debtor returned, bringing with him 1000 dinars. He said, “By Allah, I continued to search for a boat in order to return your wealth to you, but I did not find one until I found the one that I came on now.” The other man asked, “And did you send anything to me?”… “For indeed, Allah paid for you through the wood that you sent.”

Is that what we do today with other people’s wealth and possessions? Can we go this far to ensure we have kept our promises and paid back as per the time frame originally given?

As we go on with our busy lives, make sure to take a pause at some point and pay back our dues even if it means missing out on something else. You never know how much the lender desperately needs what he gave you. Be empathetic and just. Fear Allah in all your dealings and transactions because for sure, all these things we will be questioned about on the day of judgement. Start paying back now!

P.S Writing down your agreements doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t trust the other party. Both of you are human beings, either of you could forget or get confused about what was initially agreed or die in which his family might need proof to pay back the debts. There is so much wisdom in this ruling. Let’s put it to work.

P.S 2: Don’t you find this to be so beautiful and amazing? That our religion has covered every single aspect of our lives, we just need to read, understand and follow? Indeed, Islam is not just a religion but a way of life too.

May Allah protect us from the burden of debt. Ameen.

DARLING, YOU HAVEN’T BEEN LIVING

Your alarm goes off and you let it snooze for the second time before stretching your hand lazily to put it off. You sit upright on your bed for a moment and think, ‘that was a long, restless night’. But you’ve had restless nights since when? You try to count. You lose the count halfway. It’s been years now. Late night sleep and early morning work. ‘It’s a sacrifice I have to make for our own better livelihood’ you convince yourself. But you’ve been making sacrifices for the past ten years. You frown, dismiss the thoughts and pick up your phone. Four missed calls and three text messages. You go through them. Work work work. You put it back and drag your feet to the washroom. Nowadays, you can’t even enjoy a warm shower like you used to. Time doesn’t give you that luxury, or rather, you don’t give yourself the time to enjoy anything anymore. ‘You’ve been busy.’

Hurriedly, you choose what to wear. It doesn’t really matter much anymore so long as it is clean and neat. You call out your husband’s name to wake up as you head to the kitchen to make some quick breakfast. You move to the fridge and take some eggs to make omelets for yourself and your small family. You quickly glimpse at the sticker on the fridge. It says, ‘The pursuit of happiness’ with some other tiny written words below it. You haven’t seen this one before. You smile. It must be your teenage son who kept it up. You want to read it but then you remember you have an important meeting with an important client. You make a mental note to come check it out again. You need to hurry.

Very fast, you prepare the breakfast. ‘Did I put salt in the eggs?’ You can’t remember. You put the breakfast on the table with the salt sprinkler next to it. You grab two slices of bread, insert an omelet inside it and sprinkle some little bit of salt to make a sandwich. You eat as you head to your son’s room to wake him up for school before going back to wake his father once again. You kiss him goodbye and tell him the breakfast is on the table. You take two long sips of your coffee, grab your car keys and off you go.

Heading towards your car, you meet mama Zainab who owns a small shop opposite your villa. She is humming a taarab song you are familiar with as she sweeps outside her shop.

“Good day huh?” You smile.

“Always,” she laughs.

You get into your car wondering how mama Zainab can seem so fresh and energetic that early morning while she had to walk for twenty minutes to get to her shop. Maybe you are going to ask her of her secret some day.

Inside your car you notice your book on self-love on the seat beside you. Your best friend bought it for you because she thought ‘you need to take care of yourself more’. You think she is just being ridiculous but you still promised to read it. You’ve been trying to read it for the past two months now. It is an interesting one but where is the time to read? You sigh and take off. You meet your important client, then another, then a board meeting. You make a mental note to call your husband at lunch break. You don’t get the chance to. Back to work. Work work work. ‘It is a sacrifice I have to make so my family can have a comfortable and the best kind of life’ you say it to yourself once again. It is all in the pursuit of happiness.

You get home extremely exhausted. Your son is already asleep; you don’t get to ask him about his day or even about the new sticker on the fridge. You have a rather silent dinner with your husband apart from the random small talk. Both of you are tired, you head to bed. Each one rolls up to their side of the bed. You close your eyes. You open them. You close them. Repeat. You check your phone now. It’s been one hour since you went to bed. Sleep just doesn’t seem to be your friend nowadays. Your mind still remains awake. Still contemplating. Calculating. Arranging. Planning. Work still visits you even on your bed.

You sigh loudly and walk up to the fridge to grab a glass of water. You notice the sticker again. You bring your face closer and squint your eyes to read the tiny words. It says, ‘Happiness is not having what you want. Its wanting what you already have.’ It strikes you hard. You haven’t been living; you’ve just been sacrificing. Sacrificing at the cost of what really mattered to you; creating moments with your family, your health and your peace of mind. You’ve always been on the run. Always seeking something beyond what you already have. You pull a chair from the dining table and sit. You suddenly realize how you’re ageing so fast. You let it sink in. Darling, you haven’t been living. You’ve just been seeking.