NIKAH VS ZINAA: WHAT HAVE WE DONE TO THE RELIGION?

                 

By Lubnah Abdulhalim

In this era, a wedding's expenses could cost you a life time debt and maybe even after you die, your children coming after you will still have to continue with the payment. Just the preparation of the bride could take around a hundred thousand Kenyan Shillings; her gown, her shoes, the henna, the make-up, the hair stylist, the new clothes, the jewellery and so much more. Then comes the dowry whereby a lady or maybe the family could demand for another three to five hundred thousand and some demand for as much as a million; maybe she sweats udd who knows? lol After that comes the walimah itself and we have the lunch event, the night event with so glorified names that if you have never attended such, you would be curious to attend one. When it comes to the feeding celebrations, now that is where no one wants to be left behind. Everyone wants their wedding to be the one to be talked about forever. They will decorate the hall excessively; forgetting that it is just some countable hours' event. They will ensure there is a variety of food that may remain till the end of the week and even feed a whole ummah from it. Well I am sure even as reading this, some people would be cursing me inside and saying, 'it's the biggest day for a lady and it just happens once. She deserves it.' But hey! we are forgetting a very important thing here; what is the impact of such big events and demands for high dowry? What does it do to the other youth watching what is happening?

A young lad could think: I have my beautiful girlfriend; a lady and a half. All it could ever cost me to take her to bed is a candle night dinner and a romantic film or probably just a walk to the movies with our popcorn and after that she is all mine or for some, it just costs him giving her some money to go do her hair, manicure and pedicure...oh! my world is complete! If this lad does this every week or even once in a month or whatever time, he is by no far a husband to the lady. You hear people calling their girlfriends 'wifey' or the lady calling him 'hubby' and people find it so amusing; 'aww they are so cute'. And for the parents and elders they will be cursing them; but what do we expect from young people when you have clearly shown them that being in a relationship is the short cut to everything? 'I get the girl with no much expense, no stress of having to stay with her all the time, no big threat of getting children and to top it up is that I have my freedom!' Isn't that what most people want? And we are the ones playing a bigger role in making them play the 'hubby and wifey game'. 

So what have we done to the religion of Allah? Haven't we made zinaa the easier way out by the day? If a guy loves some girl then he will see, 'why should i bother marry her; have to get loans for the dowry and wedding expenses, plus there will be much bigger responsibilities to come, when I can have her right now for some pennies?' Isn't this probably the reason why the prophet peace be upon him said that the most blessed nikah is the one with the least expenses?

To all the mothers. fathers and guardians out there; save your children from zinaa by making the dowry and nikah expenses low. Don't scare off young men with large amounts that could give them heart attacks by the end of it. I hear some parents go to the extent of listing down how much they spent on their daughter's education throughout her life and that ends up being her dowry amount. Parents, what you forget is, this young man can easily convince your daughter to sleep around with her with no much effort if they were in love. So if this young man has respected her to date and he was a gentleman enough to come for her officially don't turn them away for dowry purposes. For sure, you wouldn't want your daughter's dignity to be killed just for some popcorn and a movie.

#Food for thought

IN THE NOW THOUGH NOT FOREVER

IN THE NOW THOUGH NOT FOREVER

BY: Lubnah Abdulhalim

                                                                                

Photo Courtesy: Unknown

I actually had to borrow this title from my new friend made, Maryam, whose blog is by this same name 'in the now though not forever' http://nownotforever.blogspot.co.ke/ 

Please do find time to check her amazing art :) Meanwhile, let us talk about what made me borrow this title particularly.

Just the other day, I dreamt of her. She was in a wheelchair and my mum was pushing it out of what seemed to be the hospital doors. I went to her and she gave me a very long hug. I looked at her and said, 'I haven't seen you in a very long while. It almost seemed that you were dead' and she said, 'No I've been okay.' I don't clearly remember the end of that dream all I know is that it was too vivid and seemed too real and I spent the entire next day thinking about her; mama two. I probably never really got over her death, maybe that is why I keep having this strange dream again and again where she is alive and I keep questioning her, 'I thought you were dead'. The conversations in all the dreams have always been the same, the only difference is the venue of each dream. Sometimes I dream of her at home and sometimes at the hospital. I have never really understood dreams or whether mine do have a certain meaning or it is just the nostalgia of being with her once again...all I know is that, a part of me may never be recovered.

Just one day after this dream, is when Ahmed Darwesh, the popular yet humble journalist passed on. I haven't understood till this moment why his death came as a big blow like a knew him personally. Probably it could be because he died still very young. But there is always wisdom behind God's actions and maybe we were meant to learn from his example and be more alert on our actions because when death comes, it doesn't choose on the basis of age. Just after his death, the following day, a close cousin to a friend passed on too. I also didn't know this young man personally, but i had heard a lot of good things about him and it made me empathetic since he was still very young; probably with so many dreams of the future ahead. May Allah forgive their sins and place them in the highest level of jannah together with the prophets Biidhnillah.

I remember during one of our classes during a writing workshop by Kwani? one of our mentors told us of her story and how she feared death to a great extent. And that at one time during a trip in South Africa, they were asked to write their own eulogies; as a psychological way to deal with such fear. So she wrote about herself and how she has been through her lifetime; talking about herself like another party. And she said of how she cried writing those details and it felt so real; she was mourning her own 'death'. But it was only after that exercise that she realized that she wanted to be remembered as a writer; for the books she has written. She wasn't even a writer by then but that exercise made her realize what she really wanted and she ventured into writing more deeply and she is now a very successful writer mashaLlah. Respect to my mentor; Yvonne Adhiambo Owuor; the author of 'dust' amongst other of her works.

After hearing this story from her, I always said that I was going to do that exercise as well but I kept postponing it; probably because of fear of what I am going to discover from my own words. But I know I need to do it because I have always anticipated my own death to a paranoid state.

I always saw death in everything and nothing. When I board a matatu, I imagine the most terrible accident happening to the extent that I see myself in blood until to the declaration of my death and how each person is going to react about it. It is almost as if i am watching 'the final destination' movies with me being involved. At that moment, it is almost as if i am in a trance and the imagination is so vivid that I start crying at my own death. I've imagined my death in a road accident, sometimes when cars pass by too close especially lorries i see them falling on me, sometimes when i used to walk under the bridge i would imagine it falling on me. By God's name, no single day passed by without imagining my own death. I remember how my best friend and I had the laugh of our lives when I told her of the first time I passed through the bridge under tunnel and imagined it falling over me. It seemed silly but it is real for me. When I see policemen I see chaos starting and bullets running right through my body. And many a times people told me that I watch too many movies, while some tell me I am an over thinker. The irony is that horror movies are my best; probably because they act as a challenge to my deep fear. It is true I have always been paranoid and an over thinker; and as much this has damaged me too many times, it is sometimes a blessing. And sometimes before I sleep, I imagine this is my very last night and it makes me wake up, take my phone and text the people who mean the most to me with the notion in mind, 'this could be my very last night.' I never stop telling the people who i care for, how much they mean to me and sometimes they feel I am just being too sentimental but most don't know what it feels like to lose someone all of a sudden and they are GONE. This paranoia that everyone keeps talking to me about is what makes me strive to be a better person everyday.

I am not going to write my own eulogy as Yvuonne did; I probably have to gather up my guts for that first but I very well know what the closest people to me are going to do upon the announcement of my death.

I know of how my lovely mum will shed only a few tears at a time, trying to be strong even when everyone around her is wailing. I know she will be patient and try to accept her test from God. But I also know she will sometimes sit in her bedroom and have her tears. She will say she misses her 'partner' and her 'baby' as she always referred to me. Being the tiniest in my family, I always got the advantage of being treated the same way like our last born. I know of how she will talk to my sisters about me for days. I know she will talk about my dreams and try to do for me the rest that i wished to do. I know she, along with my siblings will mention me at every mention of adventures that were in my bucket list. I know she will mention me for so many things and I know she will start blaming herself for so many things. I know she will start blaming herself for not letting me go for these adventures, for not letting me travel to the many places i wanted to go. I know she will blame herself for the tiniest things she didn't let me do and she will feel guilty about it. I know that because she is just an over thinker like me and i can put myself in her shoes. I hope at that moment, someone will tell her that I really loved her and that I really appreciate how she raised us all. I hope someone will tell her that she did all she could to make me happy and that that was very sufficient for me. I hope someone will tell her that I never felt angry or deprived of anything for the little things she wouldn't let me do. I hope someone will tell her that it is not true that I loved my phone or my job more than I loved her. I hope someone will tell her that I was always so busy and only worked so hard for her sake and not because I loved my family less than my job. I hope someone will tell her that all the people I talk to in the phone can never be close to how much she meant to me. I hope someone would tell her that I was never going to make her make an appointment so as to see me just because I would have become a very important person with a good job. I hope someone will tell her that I would never be arrogant once i became successful, just as she so much feared. I hope that person would take as much time as they can to make it clear to her that I loved her to bits and that all I wanted is to die with her being pleased with me. Because I very well know how hard it will be to convince her; I know that because I would probably do the same if in her shoes.

I know of dad too. I know he will only shed a few tears during the burial but that will be it. I know he will hide his feelings like he always does and no one will ever know how he is feeling. I know he will miss calling to come watch an inspiring story on TV, or any other story like he always does with the saying, 'hey writer, come see this movie it's a nice one.' I know he will miss narrating to me anything that I had missed watching and he would tell me with the hope that his writer daughter will expand her mind and be a famous writer as well at some time in life. I know he will be strong for my mum's sake and he will keep consoling her again and again. I hope then, someone is going to tell him that I loved him a lot and I always admired him to the extent of wanting a husband with his qualities. I hope someone will do that for I didn't tell or show him that often enough.

I know of my older brother. I know he will stay at home for days; staying low profile. I know he will be deeply affected. I know he will recall all the times he would hug me and tell my mum how much he loves me and he would always add, 'I don't know why she doesn't love me' and I would pretend to be serious like I don't really love him. I know he will probably question himself what were my real opinions of him. I hope then,, someone will tell him that I really really really loved him and as much as I was hard on him on what he should do and what he shouldn't, I would want someone to tell him that all I ever wanted was the best for him.

I know of my elder sister. I know of how strong she would be; just like dad. She would be the one to console mum as well. I know she will also cry secretly at times but I also know of how patient she will be. I know of how she would tell her son about his aunty who would only call him 'baby habiby'. I hope someone would tell her then that at her every epileptic attack, I lost myself in fear of losing her. I hope someone will tell her that she was my strongest example to follow; a role model in patience and faith.

I know of my younger sister; the one who follows me. I know she will cry a lot but still, in silence. She will still tell people not to wail and that it is haraam. I know she will miss her 'commander in chief' as she would usually call me. She would miss the supervisor of the house as mum would call me and say that when I am not at home things just go haywire. I know she would miss me because she considered me her best sister and closest at that. I hope someone would tell her at that point that I would have missed her very much as well, if she were to be gone before me. I would have missed coming back home and her hurrying to me with a smile to say she missed me and to ask how my day was. I would miss her forcing me to smile when I couldn't.

I know of my second last sister. She is the one closest to my nature; the aspiring writer, the poet, the adventurer yet she is more bold and filled with charm more than I ever was. I know she will cry a lot too. I know she will miss giving me an unexpected pinch or slap and how much it annoys me. I know she will miss telling me 'give me a smile...no, i don't want that one. I want the million dollar smile. Give me the million dollar smile!' and that would make me smile without effort. I hope someone will tell her that even though I didn't have time to listen to her endless stories, I still loved her like she never knew.

I know of my baby sister. Oh, my favourite. I know she will probably look at my sisters and mum as they sob. She will look at them silently as if she doesn't understand what death is. But I know she knows. I know she understands because she is much smarter than anyone of her age. I know she understands and she is so observant over everything that happens around her just like she was the only one who ever noticed my secret tears. Like how i would go to the room after something has happened and i would see a small shadow following me to every place i went. She doesn't make it seem obvious but I've always known she was following me and when i lie on the bed, she too would lie down in pretense that she is sleeping yet I know she is checking out on me. I hope someone will tell her she is the sweetest and most intelligent little thing I ever came across. I hope someone will tell her that she is lovely, loving and that she meant the world to me.

I know of my half siblings in Yemen. I know they will really be sad and cry too. I know they will say of how we haven't met in more than fifteen years. I know irregardless of their own suffering in their war country, they will mourn for their gone sister. I hope someone will tell them then that as much as i didn't communicate with them much it was because I was dying every time they talked of the bomb lasts and the chaos there. I hope someone will tell them I really cared even when I didn't say it. I hope someone will tell them that I anticipated and day dreamed about meeting them and my lovely nieces and nephews always. I hope someone will tell them that it is not true to say, 'out of sight out of mind'.

I know of my half brother who i have never met in my life. A very successful radiologist in Suudiya. I hope someone will tell him how proud of him i have always been. I hope someone will tell him that i always wished to meet him and his family someday. I hope someone will tell him even when i didnt keep contact much, I still cared and loved him.

I also know of my extended family. I know they will remember me as the workaholic i have always been. I know they will talk of how i was always busy and up to something. I know they will talk about my smile because it is the only thing they quickly notice when i am not putting it on. I hope someone will let them know that the lack of my smile never meant i was being moody..it is just that at times, i was too tired to stretch any muscles including my lips. I hope they will also know they meant a lot to me. 

I don't really know about my best friend; she is the only one i can't guess her reaction. She always had her unique way of dealing with difficult times. I don't know how much she will cry or even if she will, and that is because I don't really remember seeing her cry; ever, except for once and it was just over the phone. However, I know she will probably go low profile for some time and she will probably be writing my biography just like she always said she would. I know she will write about me a lot in every avenue she will get to talk and write about me. I can imagine of the things she will write; the silly things we did together in the 8 going to 9 years. I know many other people will try talk about me too but she will be the only one apart from my family who will have the most authentic information about me. I know she will miss me a lot or who else was going to cling to her neck? I know I have always told her how much she meant to me and that she is the most precious gift from Allah so I am sure she wouldn't really need a person to reassure her of what she meant to me. Instead, she will be the one reassuring my family and my other close friends. She is the strongest girl I ever met and probably one of the craziest. Nonetheless, she has always been the one who pushed me to take mature decisions in life. No one was ever going to replace her in my life. I am not worried about what she would do without me, Instead, I would be the one who would be totally lost if she was ever gone before me. After Allah, she is my biggest strength. No one has to tell her anything. She knows it already, she always did.

I also know of my very few close friends; those who were really sincere to me and had no ulterior motives. Those who have always been there at my worst and at my best. Those who never left me just because i was different or paranoid at that. I know them very well and i know how to differentiate between them and my other 'friends' who were only in my life for their own benefits. I know how well they will write about me (coincidentally most of them are writers!), how an intense and deep person I was and how they appreciated me. I know they will miss everything about me; including my paranoia. I hope someone will remind them then that I really appreciated that they understood me even when it was so hard to do so. I hope someone will remind them that when I used to tell them how much they meant to me, then I really really meant it.

I know of the very close friends that i was so attached to, who left afterwards. I know of how they will remember the good times i had with them and our deep conversations. I know they will remember how much they meant to me. I know they probably miss me then. I hope someone will tell them then that it always ate me up why they left without any goodbyes or where i ever went wrong. I hope someone will tell them that i cried several times for that. I hope someone will tell them that i scratched my head for answers to the extent my mind became inflamed. I hope someone will tell them that i missed them...and that whatever in me that made me leave, was never intentional..and that i loved them sincerely.

I know of my old friends and teachers that i never talked to frequently but who would still check up on me once in a while. I know how they will remember me for the personal encounters with them especially my high school classmates. I know they will laugh at the many funny moments we had together. I know life kept us busy but i hope someone would tell them then that i still treasured them, loved them very much and wished them the very best wherever they are. 

I know of the ones who used to call me names and of those who thought and said i was being hypocritical pretending to be holy when i wouldn't shake men's hands and so on. I know of those who smiled at me yet they talked at my back. I know of those who mocked me right in front of my eyes and bullied me emotionally. I know that at that time, they will scrutinize everything that i ever told them. They will try to find deeper meaning in every conversation i had with them. I can very well point out and bet who will then feel guilty and those who just wouldn't care even then. I hope someone will tell them then that I actually never hated any of them and that I only felt hurt whenever i met them once again. I hope someone will tell them that whenever i met them, i debated with myself whether I should just forgive them or leave it upon God and we let Him be our judge on the day of judgement. My heart would always flip from forgiving them to letting God deal with them...i hope someone will tell them, as much as they damaged me, i still hope when my moment of death comes, my heart will be at the 'forgive them' side.

I also know of those who just knew me because of my writing and those who considered me their mentor. I know they will probably miss my posts and they will be motivated to follow my footsteps in writing. I also know of the ones I used to persuade to read my work so that they could give me their opinions and they never did; i know at that instance is when they will rush to see all that i wanted them to see but it will probably be too late to give me their opinions and criticisms. I hope someone will tell my writing fans that they inspired me as much as they considered me an inspiration to them. I hope they will keep writing and that someone will tell them that i loved them , even when i never knew them personally. I also know those who just knew me because of the extra ordinary samosas that mum made and no one could ever have enough of them lol. I know some wouldn't even remember my name but once they mention the samosas to their friends, they will remember the samosa girl lol. I can even imagine how they will write their encounters with me while buying the samosas...the thought of it makes me laugh. Who ever thought i will be remembered because of food?! hehe

I know of those who misunderstood my intentions, my words and my actions. Those who thought I was being selfish as I whined and complained over my messed up emotions. I hope someone will tell them that I lived with fear, that my thoughts ate me up like the way fire finishes off wood. I hope someone will tell them that I only sounded selfish coz of my over reactions and my repeated statement of what is going to happen to me. I hope someone will tell them that I always cared for them more than I made it seem. That by Allah's name it was never meant to be selfishness; just deep fear in disguise...

Life has taught me to never take risks when it comes to the people you come in contact with. The smallest of things you do can change their lives forever and it is humanity that eventually gets restored. This may never really help deal with my anticipation for death but i wanted to have a permanent posted reminder to all those that crossed my life at some point; that when i said 'i care for you' then i really meant it and for those who misjudged me and took me wrongly by my words or actions then i beg for your forgiveness. Truly life is too short and we never know who will go first. Please forgive me for anything wrong i did to you and if i happen to die before you then please pray for me. And if you get to jannah and don't find me there, please ask for me. Who knows, maybe your duas is what will make me get a place in jannah in shaa Allah may we all meet there. It is true, I am in the now, but i very well know, it is not forever...may we all have husnul khatima in shaa Allah.

WISE LESSONS FROM LUQMAN (A.S)

WISE LESSONS FROM LUQMAN (A.S)

By Lubnah Abdulhalim

Photo Courtesy: Salem_Beliegraphy

I am by no chance a scholar in deen as much as I wish I could be one and maybe one day by Allah's will I will be able to be but nonetheless, I was listening to what Luqman (A.S) was telling his son as mentioned in the qur'an and it got me thinking; perhaps we would be living better lives if we followed what wise men of olden times and even of the present said to us. And maybe, things would be at their best, if parents would sit down with their children and give them serious lessons on life and morals.

In the qur'an, surat Luqman as from the ayah 13-19, we get to learn from the wise Luqman the most basic advice for mankind in his life. Below I will state the lessons as derived from the ayas and perhaps in shaa Allah we can learn from it.

1. Do not worship anything apart from Allah nor join others in worship with Allah.

2. Man should be dutiful and good to his parents for they have raised him in hardship upon hardship.

3. Always give thanks to Allah and to your parents as well.

4. If your parents drive you against Allah or that you join others in worship with Him then don't follow them BUT still treat them with kindness.

5. Allah is able to bring forth anything however hard it may seem to you...(so have faith in Him).

6. Do perform prayer

7. Enjoin on people all that is good.

8. Forbid people from all that is evil and bad.

9. Do not turn your face from men with pride.

10. Do not walk with insolence or arrogance.

11. Be moderate in your walking.

12. Lower your voice when speaking.

Imagine how life would be if we followed these simple lessons; how we would avoid so many problems if we could keep our voices low even when we are angry or when someone is confronting us, if we treated our parents with utmost respect, if we had total faith in Allah, if we could all correct each other when we go wrong and support others in good deeds, if we could be humble instead of being arrogant or insolent. Just picture the world like that, wouldn't the world be such an amazing place to live in?? Change starts with me and you, be modest, humble and polite and see how you will be able to spread love and peace even without you knowing ;)

JUDGEMENT VS JUSTIFICATION

JUDGEMENT VS JUSTIFICATION

By Lubnah Abdulhalim

Photo Courtesy: Salem_Beliegraphy

How many times have you said to someone else, 'don't judge me' or heard it from someone else perhaps? With no doubt this statement is increasingly becoming our biggest yet most lame excuse for everything. Are you being judged too much? Naah. Are you over justifying yourself? YES!

With the coming of technology and the evolution of the world, people have somehow become sensitive over what they say about or comment to someone about their behaviour or actions, which to some extent is not bad. As the common saying goes, 'don't judge others when you don't know their journey,' or that everyone should mind their own business. We are actually advised to give people the benefit of doubt as many times as possible and try to understand their journey rather than automatically criticize what they do or say.

Don't get me wrong, I am a big supporter of giving benefit of doubts, giving people a million other chances and trying to give them space they need but have you noticed how we are increasingly letting ourselves drown in this lame excuse of 'don't judge me?'

It's very important that first people realize that there is a difference between judging someone and correcting them. When I tell you you should reduce on swearing it just means you should reduce on the swearing. Period. There is NO judgement in any way in that statement. But when I start saying that you are good at nothing other than swearing and you are just an evil person who should go straight to hell then yes, I am judging you. Maybe we should learn to differentiate the good intentioned correction from the ill judgement so that we don't unnecessarily over-use the 'don't judge me' statement. But now everyone is obsessed with this statement which actually in other words means, 'I very well know that I am doing wrong but just shut up because this is my life.'

People usually correct others only for either of these three reasons. One is that they really care about you and want the best for you. Second is that your actions or words either irritate, bother or annoy them and lastly, they correct you to criticize you which may end up being counted as a judgement. I'll give this simple example: You have always been a good person but just this one day you are caught stealing; something that you don't usually do..

Person number one: I really know you had a crucial matter that needed urgent attention and that's why you stole...but nonetheless, stealing is still wrong, whatever the reason. Please next time when you need any assistance do come to me or so and so and we will help you ...just don't do it again please because we all know you are not a thief.

Person number two: Listen here bro, I know you are my friend but I was really pissed when I knew that you stole from me. Don't expect me to forgive you any time soon not unless you prove to me that this will never happen again.

Person number three: Hey thief, so what are you planning to steal this time? I always knew you looked like one and now you just proved me right.

In such a scenario, you have no right to say to person number one and two that they are judging you except for the third individual. However, many would still say 'mind your own business.' 'don't interfere with what doesn't concern you' etcetera etcetera etcetera but maybe you should know that whatever you do actually does affect the people around you even if it is indirectly. So please drop the 'don't judge me because only God is supposed to judge me,' and instead accept the truth as it is. Accept positive criticism and most importantly accept that you NEED to be corrected. And not just you, everyone needs to be corrected, guided and shown the way when we are lost. 

Maybe you should also realize that someone else in this world is probably facing a much greater problem than yours yet they still don't go for evil ways to cope up with life. So this kind of justification is most of the times inappropriate. We all do mistakes and most of the times none of us wants to be seen in the wrong but it's just human so please accept your own baggage of mistakes and instead of justifying yourself too much try and swallow your pride and change your ways. And when you feel no one has the right to correct you then please use the right words like, 'don't correct me' instead of 'don't judge me.' Because you are not being judged, you are just over justifying your own mistakes.

WHAT THEY ARE GOING TO ASK YOU AS A MUSLIM RESERVED LADY

WHAT THEY ARE GOING TO ASK YOU AS A MUSLIM RESERVED LADY

By Lubnah Abdulhalim

So we were in a workshop in one of the hotels in Nyali the other day and we were having lunch when one of my mates in the table I was seated in asked me, "Do you remember the three ladies that were seated by the pool yesterday, dancing so provocatively and smoking?" Yeah...I did very well remember the ladies because who forgets pretty ladies in short dresses above the knees, with long hair, grinding and dancing provocatively in broad day light? Then he tells me, "turn around...can you believe those are the same three ladies?" I turned around to see the same ladies in buibuis and in very well tied hijab. I stared speechless for a long while and I kept glancing at them till the last moment they left the hotel.

"Are you sure they are the same ladies?" I asked for the a hundredth time.

"Yes they are...they invited me to their room yesterday evening," another European mate answers.

"Out of curiosity, what did you answer them?"

"I told them I am sorry, I am married and I really like her (my wife)"

"That's why I don't trust women in buibui. They hide so much inside. It's a shocker," the other mate says.

So they go on and talk about how pretentious Muslim women are and I am left there totally speechless because I can't even justify anything. It's the truth...and we all know it. And there came the topic of Somali ladies and how different they are; talking of the ones from North Eastern and the ones from Nairobi and Mombasa. All this while I hear them talk about this and I am just as helpless. I walk away to go wash my hands when I am called to another table of my other mates of the project. The table has four other people and they welcome me to sit with them and that they wanted to question me.

So they ask me, "did you see the ladies?"

Yeah. I saw the 'famous' women.

"What do you have to say about it?"

I keep quiet for a while. "It's sad" That's all I could say. That's the best that my mind could produce at the moment.

"Those three ladies came to me yesterday. I didn't get a room in this hotel so they invited me to spend the night with them, in their room. And do you know where they asked me that? Right there at the reception, right in front of all those people at the front desk, in broad daylight. And now I see them in buibuis I am shocked! Considering what they were wearing yesterday and what they were doing, is this what women in buibuis hide underneath?"

"That's just the wrong display of the attire. The wrong judgement."

"So if I wear a kanzu, is there a way that I should behave in it?"

"Yes...that's an identity to us. The buibui and the kanzu is our identity; and that's just a misuse of it."

"So if I want to hold your hand, how should I do it?"

"Don't do it."

"But I meant how should I hold it such that it doesn't offend you?"

"JUST DON'T DO IT."

So they started questioning the wisdom behind not shaking hands, about clubbing and having fun. And of course, they referred back to their Muslim friends whom they go clubbing with and drink with, whom they hug and have fun with. And one went one to explain that actually, it is Muslims that are best to have such kind of fun with and of course, without the mention that some have dated Muslim ladies.

For a moment I felt intimidated and greatly challenged, because I was one against two while the other two just listened. So they went on, "So you don't go clubbing, you don't shake hands, you don't go dancing...what do you do for fun?! You read?"

I knew that was meant as a sarcasm but I still said "Yes, I read."

They stared at me and I asked, "why are you staring like I am from another world?"

"Because you are from another world."

"And are you planning to stay like this till you get married?"

"I pray so."

The other laughs and says, "you are the kind that will one day break all the rules and maybe even run away from home..."

Well, the conversation didn't end there but  I felt I was being interrogated and intimidated because not only do people want to understand why Muslim ladies don't act as expected; a jewel covered in a veil, but they also want to understand WHY in capital letters you are different. I will not judge the ladies nor all the others who do the same because in the end of the day, we all trip and lose our way at some point in life instead we should pray for them and including ourselves. Anyway, this isn't about them or even what happened it is about how impunity has become so common to us and within us to a great extent that we no longer are surprised about it. We see it as normal, especially in Mombasa right?? Well, this SHOULD NOT be normal. It should haunt us and worry us and irritate us and pain us because declaring this normal shows that we gave in to Shaitan.

From my own experience in several places of work, this topic keeps coming again and again. They will try to provoke you and make you feel like you are missing out on the world. That you are not living life to the fullest and they will always compare you to the other Muslim ladies who do everything that you don't.

They will want to understand what makes the difference and why shouldn't a lady go for just what she wants. And probably this is one of the biggest challenge of a Muslim lady especially in a work place or in universities. These conversations keep freaking me out because the more they talk about it, the more I am made to feel that at some point I am going to fall short as well. Yes. They totally get into your open door in your mind and poke your deepest weaknesses because they very well know we, the Muslim career ladies, are never really prepared to answer these same questions.

Maybe we really need to think about it deeply; get intelligent answers that will make them understand. One thing though, is that we can't really blame these people. We can't. Because we have brought this to ourselves. I can't blame them for asking all that they asked me at the lunch or the so many times before because even if I were in their place, I'd be curious to know what is the real story about the Muslim ladies in buibuis. I can't blame them for all the times they asked why some do this and some do that. None of us can really.

However, the commonly asked questions are:

1. Why don't you shake hands? 

2. How comes others do and even hug? 

3. Are you a racist?

4. I've dated Muslim ladies, gone clubbing with many of them, drink alcohol with them why won't you?

5. Is it because I am a Christian?

6. Would you accept a Christian if they converted?

7. Why do some wear very tight fitting buibuis?

8. Why are Muslim ladies so pretentious?

9. At work place are you also going to refuse the boss' hand? Or someone like the president?
10. What is wrong with dating?

The questions go on and on but even without being judgmental, I'm hoping that one day the Muslim ladies that are portraying the wrong impression of Islam would understand how the same non Muslims that they go out with and have 'fun' with use them as examples all the time and not just as examples; but as bad examples; portraying Muslim women as very cheap. And this is not just for the ladies but also for our Muslim brothers who do the same actions which are regarded as inappropriate in Islam and still expect to get good wives. How do you drag other people's sisters to the clubs and ruin their dignity and still want to have a chaste woman?   

I'm hoping that they realize how much the Muslim ladies are being talked about like a dirty toilet rug that should be stepped on. I'm hoping that we can be more responsible on how we portray our identity as Muslims.I'm hoping because I realize the challenges out there especially when you are a lady of both principles and dreams. I'm hoping because I fear for my own self. I'm hoping as much as I am praying that God guides us all. Ameen.

LOOKING BEYOND THE IMPERFECTIONS

LOOKING BEYOND THE IMPERFECTIONS

By: Lubnah Abdulhalim

Photo Courtesy: mrvnmdn

The best thing about imperfections is that they make us who we are and they always make us stronger and braver than before. The silly mistakes we make at work, at school, at home or with our friends don’t mean we are stupid or useless as some of us may think. Man is to error and no one is perfect however successful or perfect they may look in your eyes.

Even the most successful and popular personalities, failed or had low points at some period. But what made them what they are today is their hard work and passion to go beyond those failures and imperfections. It is that effort they made to be better people that got them recognized as achievers.

Losing hope and giving up at the first sign of failure just shows how weak a person is. If everyone gave up at the first sign of hardship, then we definitely wouldn’t have achievers. Sometimes, failure tests our faith and amount of trust we have in ourselves. We have to be the kind of people who don’t have to regret later on that we didn’t work hard enough to get to our goals. We have to keep on trying again and again until we finally get to the peak of the mountain and we can finally shout “Yes! I am finally here.”

One may say to themselves “I tried and tried and tried, again and again, but I didn’t succeed, so what is the point?” The thing is, maybe you didn’t really try in the best way possible or maybe you gave up too early or maybe you were simply pursuing the wrong goal. Wanting to be a doctor while you are very poor in sciences, or going for an accountancy course while mathematics twists you upside down, or opening a new restaurant in an area where all hotels are closing, may be the reason why you failed.

Instead of giving up hope, sometimes you just need to refocus. After you’ve tried your level best and still haven’t succeeded, why not focus on your strengths or review your game-plan? Everyone is good at something and even if you haven’t realized then do know you have a gift. You just have to discover it.

To minimize the risk of failure it is important to carefully consider your goals and plans. Think long and hard before undertaking any major project. Consider the following questions: ‘do I have what I need to make it?’, ‘Is this what I really want?’, and ‘Is this the best use of my skills and resources?’ but most importantly, ‘am I being realistic?’ after you’ve sat down and asked yourself such questions, then this is where you bring in all your effort, passion, hard work, zeal and focus to make your dreams and goals come true.

But remember; don’t mind the mistakes or failures. Learn from them and make yourself a better person from your imperfections. As the famous American author, Zig Ziglar once said, if you learn from defeat, you haven’t really lost.

IS BEING COOL THE COOLEST THING TO BE IN MOMBASA? PART 2

      

Photo Courtesy: Salem_Beliegraphy

By Lubnah Abdulhalim

The first thing any parent would ask you when you go ask for their daughter's hand is, 'what do you do for a living?' of course it is their right to ask that. All parents want the best for their children and when you mention that your job is carrying cement, the first instinct would be that you wont be able to provide for their daughter and the children to come. Well maybe it would be your duty to prove them wrong by elaborating how you have a plan for the future. Parents easily get impressed when they see someone had previously arranged for their future; say, you have a saving account that was just for your wife-to-be and children and so on. of course it will be tough to convince them that carrying cement can make you sustain a family so maybe it is up to you to put in the effort to prove them wrong. But the question one should ask themselves is, 'is it really worth it?' Sometimes you may do all you can to show the parents of the girl that you can take up full responsibility, they will still put up walls to prevent you from marrying their daughter. But that is where we are always advised to marry/get married from people with same backgrounds as us because there will always be a time whereby the issue of class will be an issue between the two families. If you are hustling and you go approach a family whereby their daughter wakes up to find breakfast on her bed, then they will obviously not want any less than that. If their daughter is always in a prado, they will expect you to drive her in nothing less than a prado let alone make her board a matatu. As much as this is a wrong way of living and thinking but this is the reality. For you, providing ugali for both lunch and dinner may be what you consider as enough to sustain a family while for someone else, sustaining a family means being able to provide for their daughter a full meal from starters to the dessert. And this is how most people end up being rejected in families. I will repeat, it is not the right way of thinking or even living because this is definitely not what our prophet p.b.u.h taught us but nonetheless, sadly, not everyone is ready to follow his example. But still, we are taught to believe in qadar; which is our destiny, and if Allah has already planned that you marry this girl from a higher social class than you, you will still marry her by God's will, even if the whole world is against the marriage.

So parents always have this notion of, 'ah what will I be telling people when they ask what my son-in-law or even son is doing?! How can I say he is does a bodaboda business/sells vegetables in the market or that he is a carpenter?!' Why? because to them this is not cool; not classy. And this is even why you rarely see Mombasa youth driving bodabodas or selling vegetables in the market; because they have always heard it from their parents criticizing such jobs, so they too grow up with the notion that it is not their standard to have such jobs. They would rather stay jobless and keep complaining about leaders who haven't accomplished the promise of providing proper jobs. Truth be said here, we have jobs like the matatu industry, these people earn a very good amount of cash per day than quite some people working in offices. But there is also this perception of matatu workers being miraa chewers and drunkards and so on and the parents therefore wouldn't really accept a matatu worker to join their family. We can't really blame them for such a perception because this bad image exists but nonetheless, you won't miss some of the matatu workers who are clean from any kind of drugs and may be all they have to do is prove it...but again, only when it is worth it and when you know your efforts can bring out a good result of being accepted in the family.

As much as we will blame the youth for only seeking what is cool in their eyes, the bigger blame goes to the parents. When they see that their sons can't get an office job, then they would rather send them to Dubai or Suudiya or Qatar so they work there. Funny thing is, the jobs that they are given over there can still be done here but their hilarious notion is 'I'd rather that my son sweeps the streets of Dubai rather than Kenya or Mombasa.' Why? because to them it is really cool to say 'my son works in an Arab country or abroad' irregardless of what they are doing there. And the people being told this rarely ask 'what kind of a job is he doing in Dubai?' all that matters is that he is not here and he is there. And sometimes, working out there becomes the easy ticket of being accepted as a son-in-law. This is a stupid way of thinking honestly because it is just like those people who do business just so that they are recognised as business men even when they are not benefiting from it. As in kiswahili we commonly say, 'yani bora wao wajulikane wana biashara tu! ata kama haileti faida!' They'd rather drive a prado bought from lent money rather than own a bicycle bought from their own sweat.

Sadly, we have let our egos take over us and now all that matters is our outside image; how our neighbours will see us, our class and our standards, be seen driving a mercedes even when the petrol was bought from lent or even stolen money, even when in reality inside our homes we are dying from hunger. Just because it is cool? That is sooo NOT cool!

IS BEING COOL THE ONLY COOLEST THING TO BE IN MOMBASA?

          

Photo Courtesy: Salem_beliegraphy

By Lubnah Abdulhalim

Well since Mombasa is an amazing island with blue oceans and beautiful scenaries, the immediate first instinct of any person would be 'if Mombasa is not the place to be cool then where else?' but my 'cool' that i mean here is the extended kind which to some would be termed as laziness and irresponsibility. I am a resident of Mombasa myself; of course i wouldn't want to talk ill of our people but truth be said; youth and even some of the elders are misusing the word 'cool' and how to be it.

In a research on community resilience against violent extremism that I personally participated in four different areas in Mombasa, there was this common factor amongst all the four places, which is the behaviour of the youth of Mombasa. It's nice to be cool and to feel nice about oneself but that is totally a different case when a person decides they are too cool to do a certain thing.

So the typical scenario of a Mombasa youth was that of: I wake up at nine or ten in the morning, I go to the table and my lovely mum has already left some good breakfast for me on the table. After eating I will go out and do totally NOTHING sensible but when I come back home at lunch hour, my lovely mum has already covered some food for me. I may be 24 or even above that, I am jobless and probably so is my dad but there is nothing to worry, because this lovely woman in the house will always find a way to provide good food or at least some food on the table even when we don't know how or where she gets the money from. So where is the coolness I am talking about here? You may find that this young man has been offered several jobs but his ego won't allow him to go sweep in the streets or carry cement. come on that is totally not cool right? 'I mean, what if pretty girls come by and see me in shaggy clothes sweating under the hot scorching sun, carrying cement?!' Isn't that the mentality that most youth have? So what they would rather do is wear their lowered torn jeans revealing their inner wear, have a funny 'cool' haircut sit at a maskan, chew miraa and smoke bhang, walk with some swag and have the 'you-cant-tell-me-a-thing' attitude. The best any of these young men can do is wait at the maskan for an attractive classic matatu with banging music so that they can ask for a one round of reckless driving like in 'fast and furious', because to them, that is what is 'cool'.

The reality is that this kind of young men are untouchable in this times because the kind of power and command they put even in their actions has created fear within us. Right now we are having very young boys below 16 walking in gangs, carrying pangas and murdering people and scaring us out like hell because we know they are no joke; that once they raise their pangas up then there is no way that they will let the panga fall down without touching blood. Another not surprising factor that emerges is that most of these young gangs start with a fight over a girl. Then a boy from a certain place is beaten up to death and the others come to revenge and it goes on like that till the gangs become organized groups with full leadership. And this to them is so cool because it is giving them the recognition they want. They want people to talk about them in every corner and be scared when they hear their names and well, they have succeeded in that. Yet when you see them, you would never think that such a young boy can fight you to death.

It is only in Mombasa where you will hear a person saying, 'come on I am learned, how do you expect me to sell water' or such kind of a thing. It is also only in Mombasa where you will hear a youth demanding that their parents give them the freedom they want yet they can't take responsibility of their lives. They want to be left alone so they do evil and harm people yet they still want to come back home and find food ready on the table. And this where we have to admit that the upcountry fellows are doing a pretty good job in raising their children because at a very young age, they teach their children to take responsibility and how to take control of their lives. Whereas for us, that is where we have failed terribly. Our parents have shown us clearly; 'My son, for better for worse I will provide for you even when you have a wife and children, I will cover up your mistakes for you, even if you are murdering and attacking people aimlessly. I will give you the money you need, even when i know you will use it in buying drugs.' And that is the attitude most of Mombasa youth grow up with in these times.

Then we complain when our upcountry brothers come to Mombasa and lead us. But we have no right to complain! These fellows come from wherever they are from, they start from the very bottom; sweeping streets, cleaning toilets, making tea but give them just two years and you will see the same guy already a secretary in the organization. Give him five more years and he will be the manager. Then the Mombasa lad will come to the same organization and be given the sweeping task and he will say, 'I am more educated than the manager. I completed form four while he dropped out of class eight. I can't accept such a job.' Ask him why he will tell you because it is unfair. But they never put into consideration where this manager started from. I have a neighbour from upcountry who is a graduate from pharmacy course yet she opened her own saloon when she didn't get a job. Then try asking a Mombasa educated lady to do the same and you will hear the response, 'That's not my kind of job.' And this where the difference comes from; our fellows have a focus while we don't! We are always comparing our journey with someone else's! "He has a Subaru while I have a probox or, I have nothing that can't be!" We give the lame excuses of 'upcountry people run the country that's why they advance in life' yet we all know that they are not coddled and that's why they never lose neither their cool nor their focus. As for us, we just want the short cut. We want to get employed in an office that will make me the boss from the first day. A job we can brag about and get recognition. When you ask why the response will be, "because it is cool isn't it? to be the boss, to own a nice car, to come in the time you want. If not that then i'd rather sit at the maskan and have a good time." And it is this mentality that has made most of the youth remain jobless, because they want heaven without struggle. They therefore create their own 'heaven' by being in gangs smoking bhang and other hard drugs, harm people, maintain some swag and well, life goes on!

Yet another sad truth is that, even when parents know their children are causing harm, they would do all they can to release their children when they are arrested; even if it means selling their houses and property. Well, understandably, parents will still be parents especially the mothers. In the end of the day, they still want them to be fine and be with them. They will always be protective, but the question is, are they doing any good favour to their children by bailing them out always yet they will still continue to murder and beat up people? Till when will the parents keep pampering grown up youths instead of toughening them up to be responsible youth?

It is at this time where no one should even talk about the children of others. It's scary. Really scary. Today you may be pointing fingers of how lost the neighbour's children are, yet you don't know what surprises your own might bring you tomorrow. We just have to ask for God's mercy and protection; even for ourselves as youth. As the Swahili methali says, 'Ukiona mwenzako anyolewa, chako kitie maji.'

MUSLIM YOUTH IN A CAGE CALLED MODERN WORLD; part 3

MUSLIM YOUTH IN A CAGE CALLED MODERN WORLD; part 3

By Lubnah Abdulhalim

Photo Courtesy: dreamstime.com

We are in the 21st century and majority of the youth are either in love, in a relationship, married, confused or totally lost. This is one of the worst realities of us; the current era youth. Whereas at our age, our parents and grandparents could not dare court a girl, or at least make it public; nowadays that is the trend and actually without it, you are considered out of fashion or old fashioned. This whole ideology of love is actually what branches to a lot of other fitnah like zinah, sometimes drinking, clubbing and drugs, sometimes rebellion against parents and much more. We as the youth have revolutionized the concept of love; some have commercialized it and some have made it seem the filthiest word on earth yet love was originally pure in its earliest form whereby love meant respect to oneself, respect to the girl, respect to the parents of the girl and even respect to the whole world evolving around her. Love originally meant taking the main path to her parent’s house and knock at the door but now the youth decide to take on the short cut and sneak out the girl from her home via the window. This is where all immorality begins and all principles are broken. The youth however have their own many ways of justifying dating and all the impunity related with it, with the Western justification of ‘You Only Live Once’ (YOLO) quickly forgetting the promises God has kept for us for the hereafter. Nonetheless, we can never refute the reality of existence of love. As much as it is controllable, it is, most of the times, unavoidable. But actually the problem of the youth isn’t love but how to deal with it. When a young person goes to their parents and confesses about their love to a particular person, most parents immediately camouflage and become annoyed at the words of their children especially when it is a girl. Our society has made it seem that it is totally okay for a young man to actually talk to his parents about a girl he loves even when he is still very young for the responsibility of marriage. Parents would listen to him and advice him on waiting and all that but now, change the picture, let the girl of the same family same say the same words to her parents and they would be angry and never trust her again etcetera etcetera. The reality is, it has already happened; parents should actually appreciate that their daughter or son didn’t take action in his/her own hands but instead approached them so they can help her out. It is high time parents realized that the technology world is ruining us and that they need to have more of these heart to heart talks with their young ones. When parents keep it formal with their children without finding wise ways of teaching them how to teach them deal with adolescence and peer pressure, that’s when the youth explore the world themselves; totally submerged into the world of fantasy and forever love and dating and all that they see on televisions, internet and social media. This just shows the importance of parents giving room to their children to talk and express themselves freely; this actually saves a lot of trouble onwards. Khadija, Peace Be upon Her was the one who requested for the prophet to marry her, even though she was much older. It is no shame when a girl asks for her parents to do the same for her. The shame would be when we don’t teach our children how to deal with their emotions and what are the limits that should not be crossed.

However, another sad reality is that some parents don’t care or simply don’t mind when they see their sons taking out girls for dates or when they see their daughters preparing to go out; our own parents, who are supposed to be our role models, are drowning along with us.

So in this era of fitnah, the few responsible ones decide to marry early so as to avoid falling in sin. Yet still, even as they marry, they still have the corrupted Westernized ideology of marriage and take marriage like the dating life they see their pals going through and this is how we have several young people are getting divorced as fast as they got married. However, for others who approach their parents so as to marry, their parents tell them it’s too early and that they should wait until they are more responsible or done with studies etcetera; which is true, but nonetheless, the parents fail to realize that stopping their children from marrying or getting married when they want to, may lead to zinah. This is why the prophet p.b.u.h. said that whoever amongst us can marry then they should do so and this is because he knew the amount of fitnah the young people have to deal with.

Our religious have the greater duty as much as parents to help and advice young people on how to deal with adolescence and peer pressure. Most sheikhs actually give lectures about these issues but they rarely give solutions; in fact many just criticize the actions of the youth which in return make them become even more rebellious towards the rulings of deen. Sheikhs have to choose a more gentle approach on how to advise the youth but most importantly, show and teach how to deal with this kind of fitnah Islamically. They have to bring themselves down to their level and talk the same language as we the youth do so that there can be more understanding between the two parties.

The Muslim lady in her hijab is the queen of Islam; the image portraying the identity of Islam, she is mother of tomorrow and the daughter of today. Society has always had this misconception that being a Muslim lady means getting married, having children and taking care of your family, which is totally true. Nonetheless, it is sad that the society is against the idea that a Muslim lady should have dreams or ambitions. It is rather puzzling that the society has the belief that when a Muslim lady is attached to her deen, then she wouldn’t bother venture into the world of knowledge and working and creating change but would just be confined to her husband, children and home. Again, the society have the belief that when a Muslim lady ventures into the world of work, then she is not really attached to her deen which is also totally so wrong. It is by this that a lady with dreams is often found in a tag of war between two worlds; the world evolving her deen and her career. And many would ask this question, ‘how do you balance the two; how do you balance your career and your deen?’ Many think that in order to be an ambitious career lady with dreams then you have to give up your deen and vice versa; which is what challenges the Muslim lady. In the career world, colleagues expect the Muslim lady to dress trendily or shake hands with non mahrams etcetera while in the Islamic world, she is expected to only concentrate in her home and family affairs only. Yet they forget how the sahabiyaat; Aishah, Fatima, Khadija peace be upon them, amongst others were active in all societal issues. Khadijah peace be upon her was a very successful business woman, Aishah peace be upon her was known for her knowledge of deen and memorization of ahadith. She, together with Aishah, Umm Salim and Umm Salit were proficient at nursing the wounded. Different sahabiyat accompanied the prophet peace be upon him on his military expeditions and took part in battles both on land and at sea. Asma’ bint Umais was famous for interpretation of dreams while Asma’ bint Yazid was an expert in making speeches. Khawlah, Maleekah, Thaqafiyah and Bint Fakhariyah used to trade in the oriental oil-based perfumes known as ‘itar (As explained in the book ‘Great Women of Islam by Mahmood Ahmad Ghadanfar). These are but a few of the Sahabiyat; there are many more who took part in both religious and societal issues. It is high time that the society realized that being a career woman doesn’t make her any lesser Muslimah or mother or wife or daughter; the two can very well be balanced. Instead of treading on with such ideologies, the Islamic society should appreciate the Muslim women who are trying to create change in our world; both Islamic and secular world. Muslims should instead create more comfortable job opportunities and environments for Muslim ladies to work within. They forget; teaching a woman is teaching the whole nation yet teaching a Muslim woman can as well be as teaching the whole universe. Let the Muslim ladies explore their talents and imaginations; let them build the society.

The challenges of Islam and Muslim youth could go on and on to fill a whole book due to the seriousness and complexity of the problems. Nonetheless, the general solution for all the named and unnamed problems is for Muslims to come and find solutions on common ground. As much as we have our many differences, we can never miss something of common interest to join us together and join our brains in finding genuine solutions to help Islam and Muslim youth. As Allah (S.W) says in the holy qur’an in surat Imran (103): ‘And hold fast, all of you together, to the rope of Allah and be not divided among yourselves...’ Truly, Allah (S.W) has said it well

MUSLIM YOUTH IN A CAGE CALLED MODERN WORLD; part 2

MUSLIM YOUTH IN A CAGE CALLED MODERN WORLD; part 2

By Lubnah Abdulhalim

Photo Courtesy: wallpaperswa.com

It can be so painful and frustrating when a Muslim youth is neglected not only by the parents, but by the society as well. We have parents who have given their children extreme freedom to the extent that it can just be counted as negligence and recklessness on their side. Most of the times, youths are judged by their character and how they behave when with people but sometimes who is to blame if not parents? The environment in which a youth grows up in really molds him/her to what they finally grow up into. Usually, youth are very vulnerable and especially when he/she misses out on parental love and guidance, that is when we as youth get out of control. Some parents just don’t have the time to listen and talk to their children and young adults. In fact sometimes, it may pass weeks before they see one another because everyone is busy in their own world. They don’t bother to ask or even to care about what is happening in their children’s lives so long as they see them at home with no vivid scratches and wounds then life is good enough for them. But for young Muslims growing up in such a malicious environment, a lot of deep secrets are hidden from parents and if the parents never bother to get close to their children, that’s when the youth find other ways to compensate their parents’ negligence. Some indulge in drugs, some go into prostitution, some just seek love from any man or woman ready to offer them what they need most; which is attention. It is true that some parents actually do offer the parental care and love to their children, but the saddening part is that, these parents are ‘okay’ with how the modern Muslim child is growing into. We have parents who totally see no problem in seeing their young adult daughter go out in exposing clothes or without her hijab, or for some, they totally have no problem if their son comes home with a girl to spend me with. Parents, leaders, role models are letting us, the youth, down. We need to be reminded, we need guidance, we need the love and attention and most of all, we need the support when we are interested in deen. We need more parents saying, ‘it is totally okay if you don’t want to do medicine even though you passed very well, you can go do Islamic studies as you so wish.’ I wish more parents would know that the world doesn’t only revolve around Medicine, Engineering, Law or Business or any other thing they would be proud for their children to take. And that this same world needs more Islamic scholars and academicians and writers. The solution to this is to have both parents and leaders dedicate more of their time speaking to young people; not to harass or condemn for their mistakes or mishaps, but to guide them through their worldly tests and give them the support they need. We need parents acting maturely and setting up good examples for their children to follow instead of joining them in their lost world. 

We are living in such a rotten society and our morality is melting away like how wet clay drips off in our hands. We are living in this current era where homosexuality is now being legalized in different parts of the world, we are living in this era whereby everyone is tweeting #mydressmychoice, we are living in the world of parents raping their children and children raping their parents, we are living in the world of bestiality, the world of children taking their parents to court, the world of corruption, prostitution and drugs; we are now living in the era where impunity and immorality is being mistaken to freedom. It is a scary generation and what’s even scarier is the fact that we are scared how our children in the future generations will be like. The fitnah and tribulations can be overwhelming and sometimes however hard a believer tries to abstain from looking, going and doing, the fitnah; sometimes in human form, sometimes in form of music, or videos or even written words, avails itself to him/her whenever he is, comes to them and lures them into sinful acts. This is the era of jihad an-nafs; the era where one has to battle between his mind, heart and soul; to battle with their desires not to indulge in haraam acts. This can be so tricky especially when we are in the technology and internet era whereby youth are being psychologically and indirectly brainwashed and being convinced without them realizing that they are gradually changing their thoughts and way of thinking. Peer pressure plays a great role in the indulgence of youth in immorality especially issues like drug addiction, prostitution, becoming pornography addicts and things like that. Moreover, a lot of young people don’t know who to approach when they are in agony or in doubt or in fear and this is when Satan lures them into acts like drinking alcohol and use of drugs. Worse still, children are left unsupervised; given iphones at very young age, unknown what kind of friends they have, what sites they visit in the internet, where they get the money to spend, where they spend most of their time or why they come home so late. That same negligence as mentioned above is what influences immorality as well. But what best can we do to help youth overcome the challenges they have having to deal with fitnah face to face and help them abstain from sinful acts? We need guidance from our leaders and preferably, the young da’ees and sheikhs since they can easily bond with other young people. We need sheikhs who would not condemn young people for watching or for that matter, being obsessed with football or any kind of sports or maybe play station. We have to realize that in our era, a young man watching football is much better than the one sitting in a baraza with peers somewhere, doing nothing but having idle talk, or watching pornography or taking drugs. And if we try to stop them from watching sports, then we are giving space to Satan to corrupt their minds with other things. So long as the young men obsessed with football prays five times and fasts and does ibadah, we should actually thank God that sports is what they spend their time in rather than other immoral acts. We don’t need sheikhs calling out ‘young people are adulterers, young people are immoral…’ we need leaders and role models who are approachable, those who can listen to the youth talk about their mistakes without judging them; those who can give proper guidance and counseling. We need Islamic heroes.

Unemployment is a worldwide challenge; not just for the youth but all kind of people. The opportunities are lacking everywhere and many youth are left with nothing to do than extreme idleness which further leads to idle talk and walk. As much as our leaders have continuously ‘promised’ to create more opportunities, the youth have to learn to be independent and create the opportunities themselves. But the problem is not that they can’t create jobs, apart from financial challenges, most youth are just too choosy in the jobs to do. Sometimes one may find a jobless youth and may be offered a job as a super market attendant or maybe as a shop keeper but they refuse the opportunity. Not because it is not paying off well but many Muslim especially as per my own opinion of Mombasa youth is that they are arrogant even when they have no high educational qualifications. You may a form four drop out but still want to be the boss. Most youth do not realize that a journey of a thousand miles start with one step; all they want is to fly and reach their destination without any struggle. Go around the local supermarkets and the number of local youths working as attendants or assistants are either very low or probably none at all. More career talks and especially on entrepreneurship should be organized for youth to learn more on how to make it through their life even when the opportunities are very few. Yet still, they have to be taught not to choose jobs with lame claims of ‘how can I do such a job?! It is not of my standard.’ They have to be taught how to be humble and tackle their egos. They have to be inspired more and given more talks by professors, leaders and role models.

MUSLIM YOUTH IN A CAGE CALLED MODERN WORLD; part 1

                          MUSLIM YOUTH IN A CAGE CALLED MODERN WORLD; part 1

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By Lubnah Abdulhalim

Putting aside everything else, growing up as a Muslim youth in the current century is a big challenge in itself. Even as an adamant observer, what goes around us is enough fitnah and a test enough to let one drown with the rest of the filthy world. The challenges are so many and yet still, so deep that they keep worsening by the day.

In my opinion, the biggest challenge facing Islam especially the Muslim youth in this era is the confusion, chaos and divisions in deen. What could be more confusing than when our elders have nothing to offer to us than streams and streams of tag-and-war beliefs whereby everyone believes they are more pious than the other; whereby everyone is a sheikh better than the other; whereby everyone is giving fatwas on very important and complex issues of deen, taking it so simply? We have reached to that shameful state whereby we declare fellow Muslims as Kufarrs (disbelievers), and declare that we would never go to such and such a mosque or would never listen to such and such a sheikh. It is a disgrace. So how can we ever even face our enemies when all this is happening within us? How can we ever get the power we want when our weaknesses are so open to everyone that we lost all the respect we ever had? What do we tell these new converts to Islam? After they have believed that they have finally found truth how do we go about telling them that ‘you know, there will be a time whereby you will have to choose what kind of Muslim you want to be; what sheikh you will listen to, which not to, what mosque to go to and which not, what moon-sighting for Ramadhan and Eid you should follow and which not?’ It gets to a point whereby one doesn’t anticipate the moon-sighting anymore because instead of it being a joyous moment, it was made a moon-fighting moment. And so now all we have is young men who are totally ignorant of religion, indulging in debates and insulting sheikhs and saying on what they believe is true. But what is true really? How can we know what is true when our own elders are so engrossed in these divisions that we just found ourselves in? So I hear nowadays the divisions got divided too. It is even amusing yet so sad to hear that we have ahlu sunnah, Khurafi, shiate etc etc…plus the ahlul sunnah are sub divided as well; the salafists and the salafists have also had their differences and sub divided to old salafi, modern salafi and I hear of the super salafi as well! It is really irritating especially when you hear how these sub-divisions talk about each other and insult. How can we even associate ourselves with the prophet p.b.u.h when we can’t do the simplest thing he did, which is to respect the differences we all have? So long as we had nothing like Abubakarism or Omarism then who are we to associate ourselves with groups that were never founded or approved by the prophet or even his close friends who will be with him in jannah? Why can’t we simply declare ourselves as Muslims without associating ourselves with anyone else except follow the prophet’s way p.b.u.h? It is true, nothing can be done to stop these groups and sub divisions from being formed because the prophet p.b.u.h said it himself that during the day of judgment, there will be 73 sub-groups of Islam and only one will enter jannah. In one of his narrations, the prophet p.b.u.h said (sourced from Sunan Abu Dawud): ‘There will be dissension and division in my nation and a people will come with beautiful words but evil deeds. They recite the Qur’an but it will not pass beyond their throats. They will leave the religion as an arrow leaves its target and they will not return until the arrows returns to its notch. They are the worst of the creation.’ This means that it was already pre-fated that we will have this kind of fitnah and differences and that we can’t really join back as one. But what is the simplest that can be done? The prophet p.b.u.h during the battle of Badr, he asked the captives that whoever had knowledge could gain his freedom by teaching ten Muslims from the knowledge they had. So why not do the same? Why can’t we join hands in what we agree on and respect the few issues we differ on? Why can’t we follow this sheikh because he is more learned in this field of Qur’an and follow the other because he is better in fiqh? Why can’t our elders and leaders who are supposed to be role models, sit and discuss these conflicting issues keenly and come with an agreed upon solution? Because that is the only solution available; working together in what we both agree on and avoid all the fuss and chaos of fighting and debating about our differences in beliefs.

And it is just by this fuss, chaos and confusion that young men become extremists and are radicalized with the idea of jihad obsessed in their heads. But do we as young people know what jihad is really all about? How do we want to go jihad when we barely pray all the five prayers in time, when we barely understand the deen, when we don’t even know how to respect our parents? Many of the youth are fanatics of jihad not because they really care about Islam and its power but they just view jihad as a heroic activity; yet the painful truth is that, the youth are venturing into issues beyond their understanding and power. Ali bin Abu Talib reported (as sourced from Sahih Bukhari): the messenger of Allah peace and blessings be upon him said: ‘In the last days, there will be young people with foolish dreams. They will say the best of words in creation but they will pass through Islam just as an arrow passes through its game. Their faith will not go beyond their throats.’ But who is to be blamed in all this? Where were our leaders and parents while their children convinced themselves that jihad is more important than the daily prayers that they skip and the humbleness they never showed to their parents?

The scary part of us as Muslim youth is that we are growing up with signs as of the Khawarij which are mentioned in so many ahadith. The Khawarijite ideology is based upon the following tenets: Declaring Muslims to be unbelievers, rejecting lawful obedience to the rulers and justifying violence against Muslims and innocent people. Ibn Taymiyyah wrote: The Kharijite sect was the first to declare Muslims to be unbelievers because of their sins. They charged as unbelievers whoever disagreed with their innovations and they made lawful the spilling of blood and the taking of wealth. This is the condition of the people of innovation that they invent some religious innovation and then they excommunicate whoever disagrees with them concerning it. Rather, the people of sunnah and the community follow the book and the sunnah and they obey Allah and His messenger and follow the truth. They have mercy upon the creation. (Majmu’ Al-Fatawa 1/278)

Abu Hureira reported: The prophet p.b.u.h said (sourced from Sahih Muslim): Whoever rejects obedience to the leader and divides the community and dies, will have died upon ignorance. Whoever fights under the banner of one who is blind, raging for the sake of tribalism, and is killed will have died upon ignorance. Whoever rebels against my nation, striking the righteous and wicked alike and sparing not even the believers and does not fulfill the pledge of security, then he has nothing to do with me and I have nothing to do with him.’ And we are seeing all the mentioned in our current era; we are seeing believers and innocent people die in the hands of their fellow Muslims. And this is the challenge to us all as Muslims. We are losing control of our youth and this reality can’t be refuted. 

As such, in our times we are witnessing conflicts between oppressive governments and rebels. Muslims are stuck between the gunshot of the ruler and the gunshot of the rebel. And if we are not careful, we might fall into the sins of either side of the conflict by legitimizing the misdeeds of an oppressive government or justifying acts of terrorism in response. We should not rush to support one or another side in such conflicts as they are tribulations (fitnah) in which the truth is unclear. Hassan Al Basri, may Allah have mercy on him said: If the people had patience when they are being tested by their unjust ruler, it will not be long before Allah will give them a way out. However, they always rush to their swords, so they are left with their swords. By Allah, not even for a single day did they bring about any good.’ (Tabaqat Al-Kubra 8789). Satan intends to use the alluring call of the Kharijites as a means to drag us into hellfire. We have to resist this by upholding the true teachings of Islam: mercy upon creation, patience with hardships, and justice with our enemies. It is only by understanding Islam in both its inward and outward teachings can we protect ourselves, our children and our communities from dangerous ideologies all over the world. It is true Muslims are being oppressed, it is true we are being humiliated, it is true we are living in misery and maybe we can’t really blame the youth for the anguish and anger that is in them but we as Muslims must maintain patience and work to reform and improve our communities through education, preaching and charity. We must have strategies in gaining back our power without losing our respect in exchange. We have to be brave, intelligent and tactical because in this current era; strength with no brains is meaningless to the society.