By Lubnah Abdulhalim
In this era, a wedding's expenses could cost you a life time debt and maybe even after you die, your children coming after you will still have to continue with the payment. Just the preparation of the bride could take around a hundred thousand Kenyan Shillings; her gown, her shoes, the henna, the make-up, the hair stylist, the new clothes, the jewellery and so much more. Then comes the dowry whereby a lady or maybe the family could demand for another three to five hundred thousand and some demand for as much as a million; maybe she sweats udd who knows? lol After that comes the walimah itself and we have the lunch event, the night event with so glorified names that if you have never attended such, you would be curious to attend one. When it comes to the feeding celebrations, now that is where no one wants to be left behind. Everyone wants their wedding to be the one to be talked about forever. They will decorate the hall excessively; forgetting that it is just some countable hours' event. They will ensure there is a variety of food that may remain till the end of the week and even feed a whole ummah from it. Well I am sure even as reading this, some people would be cursing me inside and saying, 'it's the biggest day for a lady and it just happens once. She deserves it.' But hey! we are forgetting a very important thing here; what is the impact of such big events and demands for high dowry? What does it do to the other youth watching what is happening?
A young lad could think: I have my beautiful girlfriend; a lady and a half. All it could ever cost me to take her to bed is a candle night dinner and a romantic film or probably just a walk to the movies with our popcorn and after that she is all mine or for some, it just costs him giving her some money to go do her hair, manicure and pedicure...oh! my world is complete! If this lad does this every week or even once in a month or whatever time, he is by no far a husband to the lady. You hear people calling their girlfriends 'wifey' or the lady calling him 'hubby' and people find it so amusing; 'aww they are so cute'. And for the parents and elders they will be cursing them; but what do we expect from young people when you have clearly shown them that being in a relationship is the short cut to everything? 'I get the girl with no much expense, no stress of having to stay with her all the time, no big threat of getting children and to top it up is that I have my freedom!' Isn't that what most people want? And we are the ones playing a bigger role in making them play the 'hubby and wifey game'.
So what have we done to the religion of Allah? Haven't we made zinaa the easier way out by the day? If a guy loves some girl then he will see, 'why should i bother marry her; have to get loans for the dowry and wedding expenses, plus there will be much bigger responsibilities to come, when I can have her right now for some pennies?' Isn't this probably the reason why the prophet peace be upon him said that the most blessed nikah is the one with the least expenses?
To all the mothers. fathers and guardians out there; save your children from zinaa by making the dowry and nikah expenses low. Don't scare off young men with large amounts that could give them heart attacks by the end of it. I hear some parents go to the extent of listing down how much they spent on their daughter's education throughout her life and that ends up being her dowry amount. Parents, what you forget is, this young man can easily convince your daughter to sleep around with her with no much effort if they were in love. So if this young man has respected her to date and he was a gentleman enough to come for her officially don't turn them away for dowry purposes. For sure, you wouldn't want your daughter's dignity to be killed just for some popcorn and a movie.
#Food for thought
