WHERE CHASTITY AND DIGNITY LIES

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Well this is a very sensitive topic that I would rather not talk about at any other time because it draws a lot of attention, judgement and even when not intentional, it tends to step on people's toes. However, I got a request this morning that I should write about it and I agreed. I guess the end justifies the means, which is speaking out openly in this case and hopefully, opening the eyes of our younger sisters and brothers out there.

Okay, I get it, we all do mistakes in our lives and perhaps letting go of your virginity at such an early age was one of them. I am not about to judge you, mock you or even condemn you because I know for a fact that everyone knows what is wrong and what is right. All I am hoping is that you are not going to tag others along in this mess of yours (for those who fall here that is). That just because someone broke your virginity you decide to break everyone else's too.

Okay again, perhaps this is 21st Century where no one is allowed to 'interfere' with your personal life, not even your parents. I also get it that this is the era where everywhere you go, all that you read says, 'BE YOURSELF. DO WHAT YOU WANT. LIFE IS TOO SHORT. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE' bla bla bla. Well yeah, these quotes may contain truths in them but it never really justifies lack of chastity. And as I had previously written about the Bermuda love triangles in my article 'THE ERA TO NOT RUSH INTO MARRIAGE', it is really scary that the person you trust with the most precious thing which is your chastity, is not only sharing a bed with you but with several other girls or boys too. And as they all say it...once you are into the game then there is very little chance that you are ever going to call it quits. Well, the mistake has already been made. Perhaps once, twice, or several more times but what are you planning to keep for your husband/wife? What is left anyway? If it is your beauty then everyone can see that. If it is your money then anyone can use that. But your chastity? Your virginity? That is just the one thing that is meant for only one person; your spouse. And I am intentionally generalizing the sexes here because very few parents actually care about their sons' chastity. It is made to seem OK. Just because they are the men of the house? Or because there is no way to prove their lack of chastity unless they say it themselves? But how then are we ever going to convince our younger sisters and our daughters to remain chaste and hold onto their dignity while they see their brothers sleeping around with different girlfriends every two months and sometimes even with married women/men?

Love? Don't blame love for your lust. Don't even try to justify yourself with, 'she is my true love. We've been dating for five years..bla bla bla' even if you've been dating for a whole lifetime, it still isn't right, culturally, religiously and even morally. Previously, when I was younger, I used to wonder why parents used to make such a big deal after a girl is married and the husband reports that she was a virgin. Like why such a fuss? Isn't that how it is supposed to be? But then I grew up and reality of the world struck; youth have made consummation a life goal just when they hit 18. Or is it 16? Well for the Western world it goes lower than that. So perhaps it does deserve all that excitement; their child has done the one thing that children nowadays can rarely do; abstain.

Dear girl, boy, man, woman who is still saving himself/herself for her spouse, be proud of yourself. Be really proud because right now, you are among the rarest gems. Keep holding your head up and never let your guard down. Never feel left out or embarrassed that you still don't know how the intimacy world looks like or feels like. You eventually will; when the right time comes and with the right person. But most importantly, pray really hard to God that you don't slip like many did. That you remain as chaste and majestic as you are now because Satan strikes when you least expect it. So yes, pray that God gives you the strength to get rid of all temptations and that He grants you a spouse that you rightfully deserve.

As for the one who has already made the mistake, I hope you are not convincing yourself with, 'I was perfecting the art for my spouse.' Sweetheart, stop lying to yourself. How much do you think your husband is going to value you when he realizes you are used material? Even if he loves you so much it is never going to be the same. The same applies to the man. Nonetheless, if you have decided to let the past mistakes remain there and let bygones be bygones, then well and good, you have done the right thing. You may have lost something but you can always be better than the rest. And that is by repenting, growing closer to God and avoiding repetition of your past mistakes. And one more thing too is to try and advise your friends and young ones to not fall into the same trap as you once did.

Not to sound too holy, judgmental or anything, i'd like to end this with a quote by Ezra Taft Benson: 'The moral code of Heaven for both men and women is complete chastity before marriage and full fidelity after marriage.'

P.S. This article does not include the rape and sodomized victims. By all means, we know it is never their fault.

May God guide us all. Ameen.

I GOT IT COVERED

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We all have flaws, mistakes, things we are not so proud of. We all have things within us that remain buried; secrets we wouldn't want people to know about. But sometimes we feel so helpless so we let people into our dark world, we tell them our secrets, our fears and our regrets. We allow them to see the real us by being vulnerably honest. And sometimes people get to know our flaws just by chance. They perhaps weren't supposed to know... but the risk here is; are they going to keep your secret?

There are people who look so angelic, so pious, so good then you somehow get to know of their flaw, their bad habit that could ruin their CV, what do you do with that information? Call a press conference? Do an exposé or perhaps get a live footage to crucify them? Do you go around saying, 'I always knew these pious people are hypocrites?' And if the person was never pious in the first place do you go about saying, 'look at the mate of shaitan?' It doesn't really matter how you do it; whether you just bad mouth them or go to worst extents of exposing them on social media or the internet, it just isn't right.

You know people keep forgetting one important thing; that even the best of people fall in the trap of shaitan and the worst people eventually change to be wonderful people. We forget that Iblis was once the most pious creature in the heavens then what happened to him? We forget that we are all so vulnerable to fall in that same ugly trap that we crucify others for.

How do we forget the story of the very pious man who was approached by 3 brothers who were travelling for a very long time. They trusted him with their younger sister and that he be's her guardian while they were are away. The pious man was as pure as ever. He protected the girl and would always take food to her place, knock the door and leave the food at the door before she came out. But shaitan started whispering in his ears, he started talking to the girl and that went on until he slept with her. The girl became pregnant and gave birth. The pious man was not yet set free from shaitan's trap for he was convinced to go on and kill both the child and the girl. That once very pious man became a zannii, a murderer, a betrayer. How then are we so confident of ourselves when we wash others publicly and mock them for their misdeeds? How many times have we heard of very arrogant, very ignorant, very bad people who turned back to Allah? So who are we to judge and spread word of the misdeeds of others? Doesn't it scare you that someday you could fall in the same trap or even worse? That perhaps the best way to do this is approach someone nicely and correct them, guide them, pray for them, help them and be there for them when they need to change? It's true sometimes they don't see the mistakes they are making. They see nothing wrong with themselves so they get rebellious when told the bitter truth about what they do. They may not accept your help. All you have to do is pray for them and keep trying. Give them space when they need one...but just don't stop praying for them.

There are so many stories around us and since the time of the prophet of how people have greatly changed their ways. We are not better than those that we talk about. We are not any more pious or holy for pointing out people's mistakes. Not unless it is very necessary and you are perhaps looking for help from other people to join in helping the person then it just isn't right.

Human Beings are imperfect, We are prone to commit sins but the Worst sin is exposing your brother. In the Literal Meaning of Ali Ibn Abi Talib's quote he says Never look down upon a Sinner because You never Know if he repents. Yes we are in Dark Ages (Akhir Zamaan) where Sinning Openly has been the order of the day but that does NOT qualify us to Uncover the Sinners. Look how the Prophet taught us: Ibn 'Umar (May Allah be pleased with them) reported: Messenger of Allah (ﷺ ) said, "A Muslim is a brother of (another) Muslim, he neither wrongs him nor does hand him over to one who does him wrong. If anyone fulfills his brother's needs, Allah will fulfill his needs; if one relieves a Muslim of his troubles, Allah will relieve his troubles on the Day of Resurrection; and if anyone covers up a Muslim (his sins), Allah will cover him up (his sins) on the Resurrection Day". [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

One other very scary thing about life is that you just don't know at what state you are going to die. You don't know how low or high your imaan will be at sakratul maut. You don't know how much you'd have changed by then. So before you crucify anyone for their sins, remember you have your own to repent for. This doesn't mean it is okay what they are doing. Sins are sins. There is no justification. It also doesn't mean they can get away with their dirty secrets. It just means you are going to give them the benefit of doubt where there is no proof, you are going to correct them but in a nice way and separately not in front of other people. That you are going to help them correct themselves when they need it. That you are only going to talk about it when it is very necessary to do so. Otherwise, when your brother lets you see their flaws and mistakes be sure to tell them, 'Bro, i'm going to help you. I got it covered.'

Always remember this:

من ستر مسلما ستره الله يوم القيامة

Man satara musliman satarahullaahu yaumal qiyama (Muslim)

Translation: Whoever covered the disgrace of a Muslim then Allah will cover her shame on the Day of Judgement...

I LOVE YOU FOR THE SAKE OF THE BROKEN PEOPLE WHO NEED YOU

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You know if I told you right now I have realized that the world is square, you would tell me I am crazy. If I added that the square world is not meant for all human beings, that people should be living in mars where we all weigh much less, you would say I am totally nuts AND weird. But what if, just what if, a square world seems like a box to me; my own world and all I have to do is keep thinking outside it? Think beyond my own life? That maybe Mars is what I consider everyone's world? And that is where I should keep focusing on?

All this doesn't make sense right? This sounds worse than Greek. This just made you seem like a dyslexic person and you did not get anything.  Or maybe, it makes a little bit of sense. Or a lot more. Or it totally makes sense. It always depend on who is reading this. Well, this post is dedicated to all those who could find meaning in my first paragraph. The message itself is pointless in this context but all this is about the ability in finding meaning. It is meant for everyone who could read between those lines. It is meant for every writer, every poet, every deep person, every humanitarian, every artist who sees the world with a third eye. This might as well be read by everyone. But this is specifically for you. For a special person like you.

One of the most scary things about writing, about being a poet or simply having the ability to connect with people; you become vulnerable to all kinds of judgments. You remain misunderstood for a whole lifetime. Your words are twisted. Your personality is scrutinized with a microscope. Your intentions are full of myths and misconceptions. You become more than just a name. More than just what you do or what you write about. You are no longer so and so the writer or the poet. You become so and so the complainer, the drama queen, the sadness addict, the black swan, the ranting squirrel, the word-attacker, disturbia, the over-reacting brat, you become the darkness itself. You become all people's judgments together. You become just what they decide to think of you. And sometimes or most of the times, you can't correct their disillusioned vision or their twisted thoughts of you. You can't start justifying yourself to everyone. You can't start telling them who you really are. Because if they really opened your heart for them to see what is inside you, they wouldn't do any better than judge you for all that is within you. And funny thing is, when you post something on your personal account, they judge you and mock you for all the deepness yet if those same words are seen on a different page or even your site they will praise your master pieces. They will just take it like any other art work. But due to their shallow thinking and double standards, they mock you when it appears under your name because they somehow know you. Haha and trust me, these are the same people who would be praising and sharing Yasmin Mogahed's deepest posts, R.H.Sin, Drake, Her blank canvas or her silent perception. Oh well but because this is YOU and they think they know you, they make you seem like a dry flower in a desert that's desperately seeking attention like it's water. Lol they would even be reading this and their twisted minds make them think that I am filing a complaint here too  So yes, it is pointless after all.

Many a times I wished that I could do something else other than write. I wished that perhaps I could just be that crazy kind of a person who can literally ignore all that happens with them or in their lives. I've wished I could do anything else to survive other than write. You know like how sometimes you write something and someone quickly comments how weak you are or how you post something deep and they think you are always letting the world know what you are going through. Or how you speak out your mind and they mock you for it. I for one have struggled to keep writing because I just wanted to avoid judgments and speculation on what is going on in my life. But you all know the truth don't you? You know why we write, You know why we have all those deep posts on our timelines, you know why we express ourselves and be brutally and vulnerably honest. You know it is because we see the world so differently, you connect with people too deeply, you empathize with people, because you have come face to face with darkness, because you know what it means to be broken and whole at the same time. So what if you post what you do? Does it actually define any of our lives? Not really. Does it make you any less human from the rest? Of course not. Does it make you any special? Yes and a big yes, because from what you write and say and sing and do, you are connecting to so many other people. You are the voice of the voiceless. You are someone else's shadow and light. You are expressing what they would never have the guts to do themselves. So what if you are so different? You forget that you are beautifully different.

Whenever you feel you can't write something deep and real and honest, remember that someone out there is actually counting on your words to feel better, to feel valued, to feel loved, to stand back up after the terrible fall. Remember all those 'thank you, this is exactly what I needed to hear right now', all those phone calls thanking you for making them smile. Remember all those comments and many more comments of people talking of their own experiences and how they relate to your words. Remember that you are someone special in someone's life. That someone finds light again through you and because you pointed to them the light at the end of the tunnel. You are loved. And I for one, love you for the sake of all the broken people who need you. I love you for being there, even if not exactly physically, for those who are down and sinking.

Please keep writing. Keep doing what you have to. Don't hesitate to speak out your mind. The world desperately needs more of you 

WHEN YOUR PARENTS GO WRONG

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Each one of us comes from a different background, from a different environment and from a different upbringing. Some grew up being showered with love and passion while some have always been on the 'black list' and the bad side of their parents. You may not always agree with your parents but one thing is never going to change; they brought you into this world. They are your parents. You are never going to have another biological mother or father. You are here because of them.

It's terrible when parents don't understand you, when they have too high expectations, when they set too many limitations, when they don't let you follow your dreams, when they want you to be like them, when they favour your siblings more than you, when they are always complaining to people about you, when they discredit you publicly, when they always seem disappointed with everything that you do, when you are just not good enough, when they don't give you the freedom you yearn for, when you are the least favourite child, when they are being hateful, when they rarely or never show you some compassion...yes, it's terrible. It's heart-breaking. It's disappointing. It's unfair. It's painful. It's definitely not what you deserve...

But one other fact is; they are your parents and however much they may be unfair to you, they have sacrificed a little or a lot more for your sake.

Most of our parents grew up in the era where compassion never even existed in their dictionary. They barely even got parental love. They never knew how kissing a parent felt like. It was that era that a father was supposed to be the head of the family, the master, the one to only give orders. It was that era where a mother never contributed in making family decisions, where a family was based on hierachy and no one was ever to take up another person's role. The elder brother was as fierce as what he was supposed to be. And the father? He was twice that. There was no much bonding. There was no family time to discuss issues and everyone gives their opinion. Only orders are given...and when they are, you have no right to defer.

Times have really changed now. People have changed. Our era is the one where love, passion and compassion is encouraged. There is an emotional revolution and human beings are taught how to be humane. Well, perhaps the internet world has indeed done some good to us. We have been enlightened on the emotional needs that each one of us seeks. We have been taught how to be the best kind of people, parents and even human beings.

I know how depressing it is to be in this disturbing teenage-adulthood age where everything seems to be going wrong and maybe your parents are not making it any easier for you. We all go through this phase where we totally believe we are being oppressed. Like literally. You let that sink in your head so much that you too sink along. If you are in this phase, please remember this;

This is but a phase. Your parents love you even when they never show it. Wait...I know you are already about to interrupt me with 'they don't love me!'  But before you do, please rewind back to all the things your parents have done to you. Even if they gave you money rather than love...it may be the wrong way of showing compassion but that is their way to show you they love you. So yes, bottom line is that they do! They have sacrificed a lot for you. Please be patient. I know sometimes it is too much that you think it is better if you left home or if you were never born...but despite this bitter phase, I promise you that you are going to get your relief soon. Keep being patient.

Being rebellious will never make things any better. It wont make them change at this stage. They are way too old to change their flaws now. Act maturely by getting a grip of yourself during these bad times. Don't act irrationally just so you can hurt them or annoy them. Again...be patient. This is your life test and they are your paradise. Never underestimate your reward of being patient with them despite their difficult habits.

When your parents go wrong, remember that their parents were twice as difficult.

That they hard a rougher time than you are.

That it is never easy for them to be the best parents when they've never known how best parents should act.

As much as they never knew what love is from their parents, they have tried to be better than their own. Please appreciate their trials.

Even if you don't believe it, they wish well for you. Their 'well' beliefs may be different from yours due to the era gap but they insist, because to them, that is what is best for you. If you want to do it your way you can as well do it but in a good way without waging a war.

That they are also human beings. They also have flaws. They also need someone to accept them as they are...and who is a better person than their own child?

That someday you will also be a parent. Perhaps a much much better parent than your own. Perhaps you will right their wrongs and be real heros to your children. But remember that you too will have flaws, that your children will also dislike a few things about you. That they will be rebellious about some of your decisions...and at that time, you will really appreciate when your children try to understand you. You will really be humbled when they still love you irregardless of how ugly your behaviour gets. When you think of that, try coping up with your parents too.

Dear...when your parents do wrong, remember that it is your duty to be a good child. And what better lesson can you actually give your parents than proving them wrong? By showing them with your good actions how they should be treating you instead? And better still, grow up into a better parent than what they have been to you. Accept your mistakes when you have to and forgive them when they blame you over things you never did. As they say 'mama ni mama ingawa rukwama' (A mother is still a mother even when she is a cart) and maybe we can say, 'baba ni baba ingawa tuktuk  ( A father is still a father even when he is a tuktuk) Lol. Which simply means that despite our parents' bad habits and difficult behaviours, they are still OUR parents. Let's love and respect them for what they are. For the title they hold.

As for you who was blessed with understanding, loving and compassionate parents, appreciate them. Love them back fiercely...because many, MANY wish they could have amazing parents as your own.

Let's all pray for our parents; that God guides them, that He gives us patience towards them, that He makes us better parents, that He forgives ours...and grant them paradise. Ameen!

THE WORLD OF OLYMPICS, ATHLETICS AND NICE SHOES

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Olympics is my favourite season. If you agree that Olympics is the better season than world cup then raise your hand and scream 'yeah!' :D Oh well, Olympics has it's own thrill even if the 'world cuppers' don't agree. I love world cup but Olympics; I just love it way more ;) It's not really a surprise that I love Olympics, I dream of watching it live and I wish I could be an Olympics athlete too HA HA HA; I will tell you why.

My dad has always been my hero before Usain Bolt or David Rudisha or even Michael Phelps. I just get too excited when I hear him talk of his days as the champion. They call him 'Jaguar'. The most thrilling part of his stories is not exactly when he explains how he had to be chained up by his own father at the stairs so he wouldn't go play football or when he shows you his scars...it is when you hear his old friends talk about him. So on this fine day I went for a job interview and during the introduction, I mentioned my father's name of course. The boss said, 'wait...Abdulhalim? Jaguar?' And I am like 'yeah'. He started praising my dad's talent and explaining how he would make the entire crowd chant his name 'Jaguar'. So you can imagine, I am right there, doing an interview and the boss starts getting excited about my dad. It actually made me wish I knew my father since back then. But still, this wasn't the most interesting part. Some other day I went into the same office and another school mate of my father was there too. The boss started,

"Do you know whose daughter this is?"

"Who?"

"Jaguar!"

"Oh Jaguar!!! He used to break his own records during school days. I doubt that anyone ever broke his records to date."

I started laughing as they went on explaining how fast my dad would run, or how good he was in the football pitch...oh, not forgetting swimming. He was just that talented all-round athlete. I remember laughing until my cheeks were aching. I was proud. I've always been but the most unfortunate thing about my dad is that he got a bunch of girls and one boy who have little or zero talent in sports compared to him. My sisters and I all participated in different sports during high school; the gene is still there only that it is a very tiny bit of it. So I may not be sportish but I love sports. I love the thrill. I love watching footballers do their training. I love watching the fans cry and scream with excitement. Oh my, I love the shoes; I really love the 'nikes' and 'adidases' on display. As they say, Olympics is the biggest stage for sneakers, you bet they are right! I love seeing anything that looks like a sport. So for me and for my family, Olympics is family time. We would sit together and cheer for the Kenyans and our other favourite athletes, stay up late and enjoy one sport after another. Oh yeah; this is the world of Olympics.

Olympics is not only about the marathon, the races or the swimming. It is made up of so many sports that can just amaze and amuse you. All the way from archery (where we had a Kenyan Muslim girl participant; Shehzana Anwar), basketball, badminton, beach volleyball, Synchronized swimming (which just seems too artistic to not fall in love with), swimming, gymnastics (one of my favourites too), cycling, trampoline (awesome!!), triathlon, wrestling, rowing, long jump etc etc.  This time we had Palestine bringing in 6 participants and Refugee Olympic athletes, 10 of them, isn't that inspiring?! You see all this and you would be mind-blown at how people are so talented and skilled in this world. Welcome to Rio Olympics 2016!!

It's so much fun watching David Rudisha break his own record in 800 men's, watching Jemima Sumgong win the first gold for Kenya ever in Olympics women's marathon, watch Usain Bolt win his 3rd consecutive gold in the Olympics 100 meter titles. Well the thing about Usain Bolt; he never disappoints his fans and he has the coolest celebration signature ever.

On the other hand, Michael Phelps will be taking home 5 gold medals and 1 silver after being defeated in the 100 M butterfly by Joseph Schooling from Singapore who happens to consider Phelps as his childhood idol. For Michael though, he says he is done. This is his last Olympics and well, why not? His performances cemented his title as the greatest swimmer of all time, winning 28 medals throughout his career, 23 of them gold.

There is so much inspiration in the Olympics, so much to learn from the champions. Simone Manuel became the first African-American woman to win an individual Olympic medal in swimming Thursday night, tying for gold in the 100-meter freestyle with Penny Oleksiak of Canada. Or on the case of Mo Farah of Britain who fell down half-way during  the 10th lap in the 10,000 meter race yet still the gold placing our own, Tanui from Kenya as the silver medalist. Etenesh Diro got a stand ovation from the crowd after losing one shoe during the 3000 meters steeplechase heat yet still emerging number 7 out of 17 participants. After an appeal from her team, Diro was among the lucky ones to proceed to the finals. With one shoe, or no shoe at all, you gotta stand up again!

Back to our Kenyans, we have 5 medals until now; 2 gold and 3 silver placing us at number 18 which is not bad :D Leading is United States with 75 medals. However, for Kenyans we still have hope in the upcoming events including the athletics happening today. Perhaps even by the time you read this, more medals will have already been won Amen!

Okay now people, as much as our Kenyans have poor English speaking skills, let us admit that the bigger problem is the accent rather than the English grammar itself. I mean did you hear this Rwandan athlete who was being interviewed and he was like, 'I ran I ran I raaannnnn, I enjoyed I enjooyeeeddd' lol. So yeah, at least our Kenyans are trying. They are bringing you medals, what more do you want!

Anyway besides that, Deputy president Ruto joined athletes in a jog in Rio, warned dishonest sports managers and also said the government has increased the award package for Olympics medal winners to Sh1 million for gold medalists, Sh750,000 for silver and Sh500,000 for bronze. Oh well, isn't that so juicy?! Especially since Kenya has sent quite a crowd over there. Though I think an appeal should be made for the marathon runners. I mean come on, how does someone running 42.195 kilometres marathon win the same prices with someone winning in 100 meters?! Eish! These athletes deserve double award! I mean, didn't you see Jemima shed tears as the Kenyan flag was raised?! She deserves a greater token lol.

With that much said, let us enjoy the few remaining days of Olympics and most of all, let us learn from these champions and their stories of failure and success! As for my dad, I am just hoping my son will be the one to get that precious sportish gene from him, ameen!!!

For now it is, 'Go Kenya Go!!'

HOW MUCH DO YOU REALLY BELIEVE IN QADAR?

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Since our childhood we've been told, taught and re-told about qadar (fate & destiny). We chorused it as one of the six pillars of Imaan (faith). We always say it proudly that we believe in what God has written for us. But how true is that? How much do you believe in the light at the end of the tunnel?

The true test of Faith is not when you win, not when things go as you wish, not when you are happy with your results. The true test is when you have worked extra hard yet still fail, when you have lost your beloved one, when your duas remain unanswered, when you don't get a husband or when you get a divorce. It is these moments that you should question yourself; how much do I believe in what Allah had written for me?

When going through a hard time, it is so difficult to think straight. There is so much despair, pain and frustration. But do you take time to question yourself that perhaps this is really the best for me? That perhaps something good is to come from this? That perhaps Allah is protecting me from something more harmful?

I once asked a friend who was competing in an international project whether he believes there could be any good in him losing. The competition was that the winner would win 10 million dollars to do a huge youth project (that they had proposed) in their home land. He was short-listed and that was when I asked 'do you believe there could be any good?' But of course anyone would think, what could be good in losing 10 million dollars?! I mean, all that money could do wonders. But have you ever thought of it this way?

You get 10 million dollars. The first thing anyone does is throw a party. It's time to celebrate. It's time to hang out with friends. It's time to party. It could also be the time for extravagance. The time for arrogance. The time to totally ignore your parents. The time to break all your principles. The time to do fasad. You think you can control money demons? Well, truth is, money always had a way of controlling man. This is why Allah S.W clearly stated it in the qur'an; that wealth is fitnah. Haven't we seen very humble people become so arrogant because of wealth? Haven't we seen how people change?

My friend never won. His project was so inspiring and amazing I was almost sure he would win yet he didn't. Then I said, "perhaps this wasn't kheir for you. Perhaps you would have changed and we wouldn't be able to recognize you again..."

You will be disappointed of course. Everyone does. But how quickly do you recover from it?

One of things I really push myself to do is see things beyond. Take a different view point. When someone you love is very ill; the kind of 'very ill' that there is barely any hope in them you cry to Allah to give them shifaa right? You give out sadaqa, you do all you can to make them feel well but then Allah still takes them away. You cry again; you cry your heart out. 'Why didn't Allah answer my prayers?' But have you ever thought of how much more this person would have suffered had they lived more? When my late aunt; mama two (for those who have read her story here) passed away her leg had been cut three times. She was diabetic. Sometimes I really feel nostalgic. I look at my nephew and wish she could be here to be an amazing grandma. But then I also imagine how life would have been for her in crutches. How spending her 50's in all that struggle and pain would be for her. Then I say alhamdulilah. Allah knew she deserved to rest. Allah knew this life would no longer serve her much good. So yes, even in death, perhaps there is so much mercy that we never look at.

Many times people pray istikhara to ask Allah for what is best. But the problem is, you ask Allah yet you already have an opinion. You already want to travel. You have made a choice already, then how will you see Allah's answer when you are already blinded by what you want? You pray to ask Allah if the job is kheir for you, when your prayer turns out negative, you still put your opinion that 'perhaps I haven't prayed well. Maybe I should just try.' And many of us have become victims of claiming 'I believe in qadar' yet we think we are so smart to take onto life by ourselves.

You pray istikhara to ask about a spouse, it turns out negative but because the person seems good, family members start giving you a list of reasons of why you should agree. Hallo? Where is your imaan in qadar? Where is your belief that what is meant to be will be even if all humans are against it? Where is your faith that what isn't meant to be will not happen even if the entire mankind gang up to support it? Trust me, when the right person comes, everything will work out miraculously. There will be no doubt. There will be no obstacles. There will only be Allah's mercy and everything will flow as it should be...same thing with jobs, children and everything else we want in life.

So here you are, you get a wonderful job offer, you send your CV, you are so excited to start your new job then suddenly...they decline. They just change their mind. And you are left there, shocked and perhaps angry. You get another job which pays much less than what you would have received before. You wonder why. You start questioning why. God why?! Then this same job that pays you less brings out the best of your abilities and you prosper such that you keep climbing up the ladder. At that time, you don't even remember to thank Allah that He brought you here and not there. You think it is your hard work. Yet it is Allah's great plan to bring you to greatness.

Perhaps the best thing for you to do is ask Allah for what is kheir for you. Ask for success that is kheir. A job that is kheir. A spouse that is kheir. To grant you children that are kheir. To grant you wealth that is kheir...don't rush to ask for things. Ask Allah from His own knowledge to grant you only what is best for you.

And when your duas are not answered you have to believe that this was simply not kheir for you. When you keep having miscarriages, when you are getting old with no husband, when you never get a well paying job...just think of all the bad possibilities that could have happened if you indeed got what you asked for. Think like a public relations manager. These people's jobs is to think of the worst of scenarios before thinking of how they will deal with the situation. So you too, think about it.

If I had children...perhaps they would grow up to be very cruel children that would cause me nothing but pain.

If I had a good job...perhaps I would be too busy to be with my family anymore.

If I had a spouse...perhaps I wouldn't be strong enough to deal with the challenges of marriage

And when people start questioning your calmness in dealing with your problems; when they ask you why you are not yet getting married, why you haven't conceived yet, why you haven't bought the house you wanted to...tell them; I am just going by the flow that which Allah has written for me. And what He has written for me is the best for me. So I will keep believing in His plan until the day He knows is the right time for my plan to come true.

Remember, all these obstacles you meet on your way to your destination are but reasons to drive you away to something better; something that Allah had written for you.

So whenever you are having a bad day, whenever things seem to be going haywire, whenever you feel in despair, ask yourself: how much do I believe in qadar?

How much do you believe in Allah's best and great plan for you??

Hold on right there 

PROFILING THE MOMBASA BLOGGERS

I've been having the art vibes of late and i've been trying to showcase the artistic minds that we have around here. The below profiles are written by the writers themselves. Luring enough? I bet you are about to discover that right now. Simply click on their links or to access their blogs directly!

Let's appreciate each others work. Let's appreciate the mightiness of the pen together!

Farhaz Khan:

A Kenyan blogger based in the port city of Mombasa who has just been in the business for a year and shows great potential. Kenya Blog Awards Nominee for the year 2016 under best creative writing category and manages to pull off a runner up positions in a tight contest. Nonetheless, a creative writer whose style and choose of words is just unique and always inspiring. KHANFARHAZ describes blogging and writing in famous words of Anais Nin,“We write to taste life twice.” He is the brains behind this blog and has tried to touch on a variety of aspects affecting the society, contemporary issues and even creative writing. Mostly talking of day to day activities and his writings not only make sense to contemporary issues but also as a reader you live each moment with him as you read through this blog. He is and erudite blogger who is ready to showcase the current and actual situation as it is. A promising blogger indeed. Read his work at: https://khanfarhazart.wordpress.com/

Abdulqadir Mahmoud:

What do you do when your phone is low on battery, or when your laptop is dying off, or when someone wants to pay you double…you Recharge. As superior as we are to all that, we often too ware out to a down low while trying to find our way in this maze called Life. Recharge is the kind of blog where life is mapped down to give direction to anyone who needs it. It is a place of connecting with your lost self and giving you back to you, because the only person who can save you, is you. When you fumble to stay strong and dearie life is showing you some tough love, Recharge is the place to be. In simple terms, you know that feeling when all you want to do is lay in bed and just comprehend the painful pangs pulsing out of your heart, burning, eating you slowly and making sure it lets you feel the agony of every bite before it takes another, and it never lets you do anything so that you suffer its anguish? Yep, you need a Recharge. So plug yourself in at www.selfcharge.blogspot.co.ke and free yourself from this dearie sweet monster, called life.

Salma Abdulatif:

mostly referred to as Salummy or Salmun. She is the lady that will never sit back and wait for wonders to happen.

From the lands of the Seas and Camels, a writer was born. A writer that not only seeks to express, but also to impress. A writer that does not only speak through her pen but one that bleeds with the readers…opens wounds untouched, cries amidst the sunset and the sunrise with her pen because she was told by her very own Bic, that as a community, the Bics and HBs have surrendered their lives to her.

Salummy has in her the magic well-crafted that it has powers to transform dead communities and the living corpses. So on her site are 10 categories; Creative Fiction, Creative Non-Fiction, African Contemporary Stories, Poetry, Fashion & Design, Airlines and Marine, Things you need to know, Guest posts, Religion & Interviews and Food& Drinks. Her site is like a small mall, all under one roof.

Do not forget to check www.salummy.co.ke for some of her amazing pieces…

Abdul-Rahman “Abu Amirah” Ndegwa:

Is a creative writer based in Mombasa. His main line of writing is flash fiction and short stories with most of his characters assuming Coastal personas once he gives them permission to have a home in his blog akhymjanja.co.ke where they interact with the readers. His short story “The Swahilification of Mutembei” has been short listed for the Writivism 2016 Anthology to be published later in the year.

Abu Amirah also writes for tendi.org, an ensemble of Coastal writers formed after a Kwani? Creative writing workshop in 2015 and also writes the weekly column “Swahilific: Diary of a campus girl” in lifeinmombasa.com, Coastal Kenya’s premier lifestyle magazine.

He is still a work in progress!

Jamila Hassan:

Is founder of Life in Mombasa, Life in Mombasa is a blog for those exploring Mombasa food, culture and architect. Her blog was awarded the 'best County blog 2016' by BAKE ( Bloggers Association of Kenya).

The aim of the blog is to change the face of Mombasa, to show the different types of culture through photography and personal blogs.  She holds a Bachelors degree in Arts emphasis on Interpersonal communication from Metropolitan State University in Minnesota (USA). You can view her blog at www.LifeinMombasa.com

Mohammed swabri karama:

Ukumbi huu wa mashairihub.wordpress.com ni ukumbi wa mashairi ya kiswahili. Tungo zina daraja. Mtu huanza kuwa mshairi apate cheo awe jimbi apate cheo awe shaha kisha awe shaha wa mashaha. Tungo ndizo zinazompa mswahili wasaa wa kueleza fikra zake na mawazo yake alioyonayo. Ukumbi huu ni katika kumbi chache kabisa ambazo zinajitahidi katika kuiboresha fani hii. Ijapokuwa ni fani nzito ila mwandishi anajitahidi kadri ya uwezo wake kutimiza masharti yote ili aweze kufikisha hidia zake kwa hadhira kwa uwazi kabisa na kugusia maswala ibuka katika jamii.

Swaleh Arif:

Still 'a very new newbie' in blogging yet a promising blogger.

The third eye isn't a blog meant for everyone. Only open-minded individuals with a desire to do good and change the world around them will benefit from it. With it's insightful narratives and eye-opening arguments, the reader should expect to be awakened, but only if they choose to. Emphasis on quality over quantity is observed in this site so as to truly impart tools that will assist the reader in their journey to discover their true selves and open their inner eye.

Issues tackled are mainly racism, government, human rights and topics of similar scope. You can always read his articles at: https://swaleh7arif.wordpress.com/

Rashid Shariff:

Could there,ever,be something serious in funny stuff and funny stuff in something serious?

Exploring different fields, ranging from neuroscience,marketing,economics to social psychology.Rashid Shariff(the guy in the pic) demystifies concepts in these fields using pop culture, and how you can apply them in your day to day life.For example,an article to be published on 2nd August 2016 will show the connection between Gangnam Style and Vilfredo Pareto's 20/80 principle.

Interested?...find his articles at Shariffspeaks(www.shariffspeaks.wordpress.com) or (shariffspeaks@wordpress.com)

Zubeda Mohamed:

Swift Hands is a literal collection of life put in paper, they are not stories to read and just leave reading. Every part, each piece explains life. If the articles were colours, they would've been painted on walls to light everyone's heart. Touches every vein and pierces the heart, positively!

You can read her amazing master pieces at: http://swifthandsswiftness1.blogspot.co.ke

Abdulmutwalib M. Saggaf:

He is a believer of pen is mighter than sword that is why he expresses his thoughts in his blog (saggaf93.wordpress.com).

Saggaf is known to be a flexible and hardworking gentleman. As in this age where men are thought to hide their emotions and feelings ,instead he expresses it through his writing and fashion style. For example an  article that he wrote on this named as "Dress for Success" and  other articles like " I should be working" which is one of his own favourite pieces among others. Saggaf is also a social media enthusiast well known as @saggaf93 in his social media platforms ,a vlogger,a keen model, a student, a friend, brother and uncle.

Over all he is just optimistic guy who is working hard through different channels of life to turn his possibilities into realities.

Shamsudin:

loves the written word and other than being passionate about branding and graphic design,he has a deep fascination for computer tech.

He jots down his thoughts about life in general, most especially about the society and he has been actively generating posts with the prefix “We live in a society...." Via his   page ‘Shamsudin Writes'.

He believes there is a lot to be done on society as regards social, economic,spiritual and political improvement.

His topics range from leadership,financial freedom, motivational and inspirational articles. He is more polished in public speaking than writing but firmly believes anything can be learned and acquired.

Once asked what he does during his free time,he said he enjoys reading books.

His favourite mantra is “Holding my pen to speak from my mind to yours so we can reason together." You can read his work at: https://shamsudinwrites.wordpress.com/

Leyla:

Is a dedicated mother, wife, and community activist who has lived in three different continents. Born of a Kenyan mother (Mombasa origin) and an American father, she explores life's many questions through a multi-cultural,Islamic, and feminist lens on her blog at www.mwanawapate.wordpress.com

Besides her 9-5 job, she serves as the secretary to the popular community group based in Mombasa called Donge La Mombasa Welfare Group (www.dongelamombasa). She is also the founder and director of The Fatma and Khadija Memorial Library.

She lives in London with her husband, children, and beloved fish called Joho.

OTHER BLOGS TO FOLLOW:

(Beyond Mombasa)

Vintagediaries:

Is a blog by hibaaq osman

(IG:@_vintagediaries_).

She may still be very new in the field but she has us drawn to her posts.

Some people write in hopes of finding a door out of their pain,and giving hope to the broken.

They just spill their hearts out,express whatever we are unable to say and someone somewhere relates to it.

They motivate and inspire us through their words.

This is what vintagediaries

(vintageediaries.wordpress.com)

is all about.

Ahmed Shayo:

His blog talks about the most intimate things that revolve our lives. He speaks of our darkest fears, shedding light to thoughts that linger in secret corners of our hearts. He talks of love, sadness, death and life in a holistic approach, and he does that with a poetic literature that beats your imagination. Epic poetry! Check out his art at: Ahmedshayo014.wordpress.com

These are definitely writers to check out and enjoy what they have to offer. More profiles to come up soon in shaa Allah!

THE ERA TO NOT RUSH INTO MARRIAGE

Photo: Unknown

I actually love seeing young happy couples together. By couples I mean married of course. I don't really mind seeing a 20 year old already in her home and happy with her life. What? Are you surprised? You expect me to condemn such 'kids' to have their own families? I won't. If the two can sustain each other's needs and are responsible enough then why not?

There is also another scenario of young girls who do not want to study. Who are not interested in studying. Who do not want to even get a job and do something with their life. If this was your daughter what do you do with her? Ground her for a month? Take her phone? Forbid her friends from visiting her? Drag her to school and waste your school fees? Force her to go do a job? You do this to an 18 year old then you are just making her become rebellious. Do that to a boy he becomes twice as rebellious. And you know what young people do when they become rebellious? They do all that would hurt you, annoy you, piss you off completely. They will join bad gangs, have bad friends, get into drugs, partying and illicit intercourse.

Of course as a parent you are to do your very best in convincing and persuading and advising and threatening if necessary to make them realize that they are wasting their life away but if worse gets to worst and you see the young man or girl has made up her mind to be and do nothing then give her something worthwhile to be. Let her be someone's wife. Let her be a mother. Not as a punishment though cause that way it also won't work. Don't push her to get married to escape your own responsibility. Don't let her frustrate someone's son because you couldn't handle her (same applies to a stubborn young man). Let her get into marriage if that is what she is interested in or perhaps she can do well in.

How many times have we seen very poor performing girls becoming best of house wives and best of cooks and best of mothers? Not all children are blessed in academics but they could be blessed in their ability to take up such home responsibilities; the home science. If she is capable enough then why not? If the man marrying her is good enough then why not? If they are both happy with the decision then why not? Isn't it better than letting her waste away with men? Isn't being a mother the most noble career of all?? Well of course we can't compare the older generations (where our mothers could get married at 16 and still be exemplary women in the society) to the spoilt dot com kids who can barely do anything by themselves. But there are some few young girls who still carry that old gene of being responsible when it comes to home affairs. Plus, apart from that, we have those who got married at such early ages and still went on pursuing their dreams, studies and careers!

Okay, now that I have made that point clear, let's come back to the main topic. That this is not the era to rush into marriage! Ironic right? Yes, let me explain why.

Nowadays, we no longer have love triangles. We have Bermuda love triangles. Correction again; the Bermuda lust triangles. I say Bermuda because it's other name is called the 'devil's triangle'. Perhaps that is what defines what exactly is happening among'st us currently.

You know like A and B are a married couple. They seem to be quite happy. But A is also secretly dating C who is a co-worker to B. And B also 'has a thing' for D. And D is the ex of C. C on the other hand is also seeing F who is the cousin to B. Oh and before I forget, A also had a one night stand with G. F also had a thing with both H and I who apparently all are friends. You get the scenario? What's all this mess of 'we had a thing??' Do people throw themselves over everyone just because they 'had a thing'? What's a thing anyway?! This is not love. It is lust and most of the times it is lust plus love of money. By the time these ladies finally get married their hearts are in such a pathetic state. They are wasted. Their hearts are as cold as ever. She will always be comparing everything to what all her 'men' offered her. Their touch, their outings, their money, their intimacy. She will compare, even if not loudly. As for the man, he is no longer fresh and green. He is rotten and a rainbow of all the dark colours that you know of. He will mistreat you because he doesn't exactly need you. He is overwhelmed by all the women who have walked in and out his life. He doesn't need you as a wife and partner, perhaps just as the woman in consummation.

There was a time back when being a mistress was such a disgraceful thing.  When being a side-chic was such an awful thing. Everyone was condemning it. Only cheap ladies standing at the street willingly accepted the position yet right now very young girls, teenagers, are vying up for seat. Pardon is it vying up or down? I mean, where are we really headed to? What makes us any different from prostitutes? That we wear fancier clothes and do all these stuff for fun and not for money? Or is this sponsor affair stuff okay now? Where is our modesty people? Our chastity?

I mean, look at us. Look at how disgusting our situation is. Young men getting married early...and we say 'well done. He has done good to mature up, to abstain, to take what is rightfully his' only to come and realize he was looking for someone to fill his emotional loophole (which is fine). He was looking for a punching bag (sooo not fine). Someone to comfort him (which is fine too) but at the same time, he is back dating his ex. He realized he rushed into marriage. That he was not over her. And what does this poor neglected girl do when his husband no longer gives her the attention? Seeks her husband's friend. That same one who's been eating on the same table with her husband. But do you get my point? Do you see how rotten we are? Now why are you rushing into marrying anyone?

I'll tell you this. When someone proposes or when proposing to someone, do your research well. Even if you know them for eternity, still do your research. Do a thesis about them if possible. Employ a private detective if possible. Seek help from FBI, CSI, CIA, all these security forces. Ask about the guy or the lady like she is in the most wanted list. Don't let that infatuation or love blind you. No one is what they seem. I mean NO ONE! Take your time with this. There is no deadline in this. It is about your life. It is a lifetime commitment so no one should hold a gun on your head. If someone is not up to your standards don't just accept because everyone else your age is getting married. Have your focus. Marriage is not your final destination. Marriage is not everything in life. Marriage is not about the white veil or the full suit. It is you handing over your heart with both hands to another person. You wouldn't want to do that just to later on realize that you married a womanizer, a batterer, a homosexual, a psycho, a cheap lady, a terrorist, a drugist, someone with all kinds of diseases and most of all, a betrayer ...right??

Sweetheart, there is no rush. Be patient. Analyze what people have to offer in your life. Sieve them away. Be critical in your thinking. Again, don't allow love to blind you. Yes, everyone has some flaws but some flaws are just unacceptable. Keep praying again and again. Ask God to grant you what is best for you then wait. Remember your fate is already written. Don't panic. Wait. Don't let the societal excitement of marriage overwhelm you. Wait again. Remember this, good things take time! 

To end this I will leave you some lyrics by someone (i don't even know the name) but someone showed these lyrics some time back and I think the message is good:

Anayetoa ni mola wa pekee yeye

Kwa kila goti na dua anajibu yeye

Usije itaka harusi kwa pupa

Usije itaka harusi ukarudi na talaka

Usikimbilie mume ukaukondesha moyo

Mola amekuumba na sifa kedekede

Ukimuomba yeye atakusikia

Jiamini mama usiwe na mapepe

Ya nini tumbure angali mume majaliwa?

Kwanini ujichoreshe na mali yako yaliwa?

Utabeba vibovu upewe maradhi kukimbilia mapenzi

Uje upate tabu ukwaye mavazi uyachukie mapenzi...